To find this really fucking disrespectful?

[uuussse]

My mum will ask repeatedly when she’s seeing dd 3. I have had to say I’m busy five times this week because on five occasions she’s asked me if I will bring dd round on Saturday. We are already seeing her on Sunday!!!!

No she’s not senile. No she’s not lonely, she’s got my dad, when she’s busy she isn’t interested if I need her. I find it so fucking disrespectful. I’ve had many rows with her about doing it but she won’t stop.

🤣🤣🤣

If she knows you're coming to see her on Sunday, it's very odd that she keeps asking you. Are you sure that she's not becoming confused/forgetful? How old is she?

Do you keep saying you're busy though, with a vague 'we'll see' or do you give her a definitive 'no' answer, 'you'll see her on Sunday instead' etc?

You have tried to set boundaries with her and she is disrespecting them by harping on you, trying to get her way like a five year old child.

Boundaries are difficult. Sounds like you need some support around this. A podcast? A book? A plan of what happens next if she disregards you again?

I would say it is disrespectful because OP has given her answer five times and her mum has chosen to disregard it and keep asking in the hopes OP will be pressured/guilted into a visit.

If a man were ask a woman to have sex with him and she said no, then he asked another 4 times, despite the woman saying no each time, I would definitely consider that disrespectful.

Whilst that may be seen as an extreme comparison, the OP has said she is unwilling/unable to visit on Sat but will on Sunday and her mother keeps pressing her.

Boundaries are boundaries and they should be respected.

Being asked the same question repeatedly is frustrating. Depending on why it's happening, it can also be disrespectful.

So why is your mum (who you say you get along with) asking repeatedly? Is she wanting more visiting time with just DD and/or you and DD? Is she wanting to have DD over to her home for some reason? Are your answers actually more vague than you realize? Is she just badgering you to try to wear you down?

Sometimes i do wonder how can people be so mean to their own parents . Your mother is loving and want to spend some time with her grandchild for god sake get a grip you are the one who is disrespectful

Maybe she misses her. Maybe they miss each other? On a half term visit recently my grandchild took my hand and looked at me and said can I see you again soon grandma? Really soon? My heart melted, I replied ofcourse you can. I spoke to his mum the next day. She said the soonest would be 27th of December!? I feel I'm now being forced to break a promise to our little lad. There's no time in the calendar for us...we're losing family time together, well, it's not even a priority. Busy parents sometimes forget that grand parents and grandchildren need to see each other.

If I were you I'd just do two things...ask your mum why she's doing that and then listen...
Try to practice gratitude.

How old is your mum? Do you think she has actually forgotten or do you think she is doing it on purpose? Because depending on her age/general disposition, I would be worrying about dementia. Some types can have much earlier onset than others.

My inlaws do it. It annoys me but I don't feel disrespected

Annoying ok but it's not disrespectful.

Sorry to say it, but are you certain that your mum doesn't have some kind of cognitive decline going on? If it's new behaviour for her, it is a bit worrying.

Do you feel she does it to push your buttons? If it is so then yes, it's disrespectful and YANBU.

What, so you just keep badgering someone about a day when they already had plans until they give in?

Is she just desperate to spend time with her granddaughter? Does she see much of her or provide childcare?

It is not disrespectful. You are wrong.

How do you know her mother is loving? Genuine question.

OP has said they're being her on Sunday!

Do people actually read the posts?! It sounds like either OP's mother just wants her own way and pesters until she gets it, or she is having some cognitive issues and forgetting.

If she’s continuing to push your boundaries to try and get you to change your answer then yes she’s not respecting you and therefore yes she’s disrespectful

You need to say to her ‘I’ve already answered that question’ every time she keeps repeating trying you to give a different answer

She sees DD once a week, often twice a week. I think that’s more than enough?!

Yes whenever I hear this, in my head I say ‘you disrespecting me punk’, in a fake American accent like I was raised in The Bronx rather than the Midlands

Yes, it's disrespectful of your DM to badger you about seeing her DGD on a particular day when you've already told her no.

Does she ignore what you've said in other ways, or is it just over seeing her DGD? If only over this, perhaps setting up a routine that you stick to and don't deviate from will help? But if she's constantly ignoring what you say when it's not to her liking there's probably not much you can do that will be effective if you do still love her and want to see her. Would it be easier to manage the frustration if you stopped talking to her on the phone and just texted?

This. I was in the process of getting a mortgage for a flat (first time moving out) and went through an affordability plan, twice, with one of the estate agents - but mum kept asking, over and over, if I could afford it, in spite of me reminding her more than once that if I couldn’t, the estate agents wouldn’t be going through this stuff with me!

It's not because she doesn't like it that it's disrespectful. It's because it lacks due regard to OP's right to decide what she's doing at a particular time.

Chill.

This isn't something worth having "so many rows over".