To find this really fucking disrespectful?

[uuussse]

My mum will ask repeatedly when she’s seeing dd 3. I have had to say I’m busy five times this week because on five occasions she’s asked me if I will bring dd round on Saturday. We are already seeing her on Sunday!!!!

No she’s not senile. No she’s not lonely, she’s got my dad, when she’s busy she isn’t interested if I need her. I find it so fucking disrespectful. I’ve had many rows with her about doing it but she won’t stop.

It's wannabe gansta speak.

I feel sorry for your mum. You don’t sound like you like her or respect her either. Yes, irritating but you sound mad at her.

Imagine, being told repeatedly that they’re busy on Saturday but continuing to ask anyway 🙄

It's annoying, not disrespectful. I don't think I'd be as mad about it as you are.

Next time she asks, spell it out - “mum I have already told you we’re busy on Saturday so why do you keep asking?”. You don’t need to have a “row” about it, just a calm conversation.

Parents don't forget. Life Is just busy.

My sympathies, OP. It's definitely disrespectful to boundary stomp.

You're seeing her on Sunday anyway, why does she need Saturday as well so badly?

How old is she?

This sort of thing is what can signal the start of cognitive deterioration. Seen it with my mum. If she thinks of something important to her that she wants to talk to me about it sticks in her brain. So then she asks me every time I speak to her. My sister and I both realised it was happening about a year or so ago. She has now started telling me the same story twice in the same day if I have left and come back in between time.

Its very worrying. I think you should be taking it more seriously.

ETA "Senile"? Not a nice word. Not nice at all.

Ugh, Mumsnet at its most contrary once again. It’s disrespectful - of OP’s time. Not that hard to grasp. In two ways - she’s seeing the grandchild the day after she requested. She’s wasting OP’s time asking her the same question over and over. And for bonus irritation, she’s apparently not listening to OP’s answer, so a waste of OP’s energy even replying in the first place.

PLUS if her daughter is saying she’s super busy, and grandmother wants to see grandchild, why on earth doesn’t she says ‘here daughter of mine, let me take my grandchild and you can have some time to get stuff done. Even better if that stuff is ‘relaxing’. You deserve it’.

We can but dream OP!

OP, you've said you're seeing your mum on Sunday and that you usually see her once or twice per week. Does that mean you taking DC to her home just for a visit with Grandma? Or is your mum maybe asking for a different type of seeing DD than she's currently getting?

What does she say when you ask her "mum, why are you asking again when I've told you that we're busy on Saturday?"

How would you feel if she didn't give a toss about your DD?

Believe me it would be worse, so don't go too hard on her, as irritating as it is for you.

@uuussse I think disrespectful is not really the right term to use.

I would be annoyed, irritated, exasperated and simmering. To me, disrespectful would be if she did things with your granddaughter that were against your beliefs or done to show you that "she can", regardless if it messes up your schedule etc.

For example, taking your daughter to a religious snake ceremony when you have said you don't want her exposed to that. That's disrespectful. Or giving her a ton of treats and sugar 10 minutes before dinner, more than once, is disrespectful.

Do you speak the way you type? Because in several of your posts you've put question marks at the end of sentences that aren't questions, they are statements. If this is also the way you speak then it could well be that your mother doesn't understand you feel you have given a definitive answer, because to a listener it sounds as though you're not sure. Just a thought.

Omg what a cow she is

Well if you speak to your mother in the same tone as the title of your post it sounds as if you’re the one being disrespectful not your mother.

I can't see this as disrespectful, sorry.

I really wish my parents had been more interested in their grandchildren beyond a cursory "everyone OK?" during the weekly phone call. I found that frustrating.

Yes this

I think people are being really harsh on here @uuussse YANBU. Your mum expecting to see your DD 4-5 times a week is ridiculous. She may have no life, but you clearly do. You do need to lay down some ground rules! Once a week is plenty. She is being ridiculous!

Imagine having a mother who asks 5 times a week to see your child… mine hasn’t done that many times in 12years 😏

People nowadays often misuse the word respect IMO. I understand it as something that has to be earned in some way but people nowadays expect respect from others without earning it. Perhaps it's a word whose meaning is evolving. But that's by the by.

As PP have said OP don't fume just tell her. 'I've told you already Mum. I'll let you know if anything changes.' But don't get annoyed if she finds your response disrespectful.

Mine has not done it in almost 30 years.

This can be the first sign of dementia. I posted on MN years and years ago, complaining of FIL, how he asked questions repeatedly. I thought he was being manipulative.
I was told quite a few times that these were symptoms of dementia. Early ones, but symptoms. I was so angry at how he had behaved, I didn't want to hear it. It did turn out to be the beginning.

If this is making you angry now, buckle in because it will most likely get worse. As life becomes smaller to her, DC will become more and more important... FIL didn't give a hoot about his wife or son, but now he's old, family is everything to him.

I'm really surprised at some of these answers and guilt trips! Op I totally get where you're coming from. You love your mum and you want her to have a relationship with her gc but you have your own boundaries and things you need/ want to do in your week so you're facilitating that relationship around those things so it suits your life. Your mum repeatedly asking you when you've already said no is showing a disrespect towards your time, your other responsibilities and its actually quite demanding. I love my mum. I get two days a week to spend with my child and no I don't want to spend both of those days at my mums house.

Your mum should be able to respect that you've other things going on/ want time with your child yourself / have been looking forward to getting things done or relaxing during the weekend. The repeated asking is almost like she's trying to guilt trip you into it and I don't find manipulation respectful either.

And for those saying she's a granny and op should be thankful - being a granny doesn't entitle you to take over and demand contact when it doesn't suit the parents. It needs to work for everyone.

God you sound awful. She wants to see her grandchild, what a shocker. No idea why you would get so nasty about your mum for this. Would it kill you to let them see each other a bit more often? You sound like you just want to be awkward for the sake of it.

@uuussse Im with you
I'm a grandmother and no way would I keep asking my DDs to bring their children round, when were they bringing them round etc.. They have lives. They have jobs, school, hobbies, friends, places to go, people to see.
I visit when I’m invited, I offer to help with various things. They don’t want me living in their pockets any more than I want them living in mine.
I really don’t get the grandparent swarming over grandchildren thing.
Agree with previous pp who suggested choose a set phrase and stick to it.
( god I’m in a stroppy mood tonight, must be bedtime 😁)