To ask for stepson to stay at his mums this weekend?

[Leannemoochy]

Ok I know I’m probably going to get a lot of slack for this one, but just wondering what people would do in this situation.
I have a DSS (12) who I love dearly with my DP, I have been in his life since he was 4 and we have him every single weekend, always have and always will. The only weekends we have ever not had him is when he has gone on holiday with his mum.
Me and DP also have two children together, DD (6) and DS (2). Next weekend my DD is going to be bridesmaid at my best friends wedding, my friend has spent a lot of money on my daughter buying her the dress, the shoes, the hair, she’s letting her have a very light bit of make up from the make up artist, she’s bought her accessories for the day, little personalised things like a coat hanger and dressing gown with her name on etc etc.
We had a phone call of DSS mum yesterday to say he had been poorly and hadn’t gone in to school with a bad cough/temp/food tasted funny to him, and she said he is a little better today but has still not gone in to school. She’s not going to do a covid test with him though. DP has asked if it’s ok if he still comes around and I just don’t know what to do because obviously he is always welcome here and if it was any other weekend I wouldn’t think twice, but I am so paranoid about DD being ill for the wedding next weekend, and feel like I owe it to my friend to reduce the chance of her being poorly as much as possible. If he lived in this house there would obviously be no escaping it, but the facts are that he mainly lives at his mums and so the opportunity to reduce that risk is there. His mum isn’t doing anything this weekend either so it’s not like we’d be putting her out as I understand that wouldn’t be fair either.

Just looking for some views on the situation basically?

Thank you everyone. Everything is sorted now!
He has a care package coming his way tomorrow with some goodies and a new game, a McDonald’s and then DP has said that on Tuesday or Wednesday next week if he’s better then he is going to arrange with his work to leave a couple hours early so that he can take him to the cinema one evening.
He is obviously old enough for us to explain why we’re being a little bit careful this weekend and that it is absolutely nothing he has done wrong.

Jeez, ignore the haters OP.

I do think all the people who bleat on about you 'obviously not caring' or 'farming him off' 'dumping him' etc, are literally only talking theory here, anyone who has had real life experience (like myself) of having an awful stepmum who hated my very presence in my dads life and did everything she could to make me feel unwelcome and not part of their family, or if they have suffered any sort of abuse at the hand of a step-parent they wouldn't be berating you for wanting to miss one weekend.. he isn't being punished here, so these people need to get a grip on reality.

You're doing a great job, keep it up, and hope you all enjoy the wedding next weekend.

That sounds like a great compromise

It's perfectly sensible for him to stay where he is if he's ill especially because you all have an important event next weekend.

I would ask if he is well enough to come round. If you explain it to your husband and let him explain it to their child's mum then I am sure she will understand. He will have lots of fun next weekend at the wedding.

Sounds a lovely solution to me.

Thank you everyone!

Completely agree with you both. Making unwell children move between houses like property speaks loudly of parental entitlement, rather than putting the child first.

If I was the dss's mum, I would keep him at home anyway. Why risk it on a point of principle.

I’m a step parent and I’m also a step child. At age 12, you don't get to call the shots.

And you’re splitting hairs about ‘homes’. I think most people think ‘home’ is the place you live for the majority of time, which in this case, is DSS’s Mum’s house

Hmmmm, as a step child myself I'm probably a bit sensitive here but it really should be up to the boy where he wants to be.

You really are sensitive. I’m a stepchild too , and I don’t think that the child should get to choose in these circumstances.

Sometimes adults need to make choices for them based on current problems/events eg at the moment he is ill. If he wants to go to his dad’s while he’s ill then other people might catch it before of an important event. That’s not fair.

Sometimes they can’t do what they want, but it doesn’t mean they’re being abandoned.