To ask for stepson to stay at his mums this weekend?

[Leannemoochy]

Ok I know I’m probably going to get a lot of slack for this one, but just wondering what people would do in this situation.
I have a DSS (12) who I love dearly with my DP, I have been in his life since he was 4 and we have him every single weekend, always have and always will. The only weekends we have ever not had him is when he has gone on holiday with his mum.
Me and DP also have two children together, DD (6) and DS (2). Next weekend my DD is going to be bridesmaid at my best friends wedding, my friend has spent a lot of money on my daughter buying her the dress, the shoes, the hair, she’s letting her have a very light bit of make up from the make up artist, she’s bought her accessories for the day, little personalised things like a coat hanger and dressing gown with her name on etc etc.
We had a phone call of DSS mum yesterday to say he had been poorly and hadn’t gone in to school with a bad cough/temp/food tasted funny to him, and she said he is a little better today but has still not gone in to school. She’s not going to do a covid test with him though. DP has asked if it’s ok if he still comes around and I just don’t know what to do because obviously he is always welcome here and if it was any other weekend I wouldn’t think twice, but I am so paranoid about DD being ill for the wedding next weekend, and feel like I owe it to my friend to reduce the chance of her being poorly as much as possible. If he lived in this house there would obviously be no escaping it, but the facts are that he mainly lives at his mums and so the opportunity to reduce that risk is there. His mum isn’t doing anything this weekend either so it’s not like we’d be putting her out as I understand that wouldn’t be fair either.

Just looking for some views on the situation basically?

What made you jump to that conclusion?

She said she doesn’t believe in all the COVID precautions anymore which is obviously up to her, but it just shows he could potentially have it and then the rest of us could catch it just in time for the wedding 😅

Oh please! The child isn’t being abandoned on the street! He is cozy at home, with his own room, with his mother rather than spreading germs to another household.

@Leannemoochy Gawd. Yeah, tell her she has to keep him just this once. And the poor kid needs a COVID test else he could spread it all over the place!

Yanbu. He should stay at his mum’s on this occasion so that your DD doesn’t get put at risk of catching whatever he’s got. It would be an absolute shame for her to miss being a bridesmaid/ your friend to be one bridesmaid down on her special day when it could have been prevented.

And no he’s not being abandoned. Some people on here are so hysterical sometimes when it comes to sc.

I agree, @pikkumyy77. It doesn’t matter what it is ( Covid or something else), spreading germs to another household is unnecessary.

My DS didn’t have Covid but believe me, I wish he hadn’t given me what he had, I feel lousy!

@Leannemoochy If she does keep him at home, your DH needs to be prepared to help her out as she’s probably going to go down with it at some point.

I only stated about the every weekend situation because I just wanted to make it clear that this never happens, we would never normally think twice even if he was poorly, that this situation would be a complete one off due to the circumstances. I didn’t mean for it to come across as me thinking that I’m doing everyone a favour as I do not think that at all, he’s my step son, I have a lot of love for him and I treat him exactly the same as my children. I buy my children something I buy him something, I buy him clothes, I give him a cuddle on the sofa when he’ll let me, he knows I’m there for him whenever he needs me. He is part of this family, he has the same blood as my children. But this post wasn’t about how much I care for him and how much that (I really do) hope that he’s ok because he’s poorly, it was due to asking opinions about the situation I have asked about.

God people over react so much. OP glad it’s sorted and everyone’s happy and chill about it :)

I agree with this.

Ps. you're going to let your 6yr old wear make up? Why?

Eminently sensible, I wish other people would share the same common sense.

Maybe I'm wrong but the virus might not be contagious by this point?

I think it’s reasonable to ask and in an attempt to keep good relations I would just be honest and say yous would be happy to keep hin an extra two days the next weekend to give her a long weekend. If she is not open to the idea then I don’t think there’s much you can do other than maybe organise a girls day with your daughter this weekend, take her out yourself and try and keep them separate as much as possible without it being obvious as of course that wouldn’t be nice for the little boy if he is being treated like a leper.

I know I wouldn’t normally but I have been assured it is going to be minimal and very natural and my daughter is incredibly excited so I couldn’t say no! It’s a one off.

@Motherofdragons20 He’s 12, not a little boy. He’ll understand how germs are spread and/or understand an explanation.

It sounds as if the situation’s been resolved anyway and he’s fine with it.

Dss is at home, Ill and comfy being looked after by his mum who is happy with keeping him. No 45 minutes in a car feeling shit. Dad’s going to see him with some comfort food and a treat. Dss will be well enough to go to wedding with his family next week. Everyone is happy. Not sure Why there is any hatred? Sounds like a good outcome op

Sounds like a good outcome, with everyone's thoughts and feelings taken into account. You sound lovely OP. Ignore the negativity.

I kind of get it OP. I'm a bio mum. You do sound like a lovely SM.

Could his dad pop and see him? That sounds like a really good compromise. If he's well enough to just go for 1 hour trip to Maccy Ds or something? I think that gesture would mean an awful lot to him.
He might just want to stay with his mum but the gesture of his dad would be quite significant in my view.

I think it's ok to ask mum to do a COVID test based on wedding? Hopefully she's reasonable and your husband can ask in a diplomatic way

Hmmmm, as a step child myself I'm probably a bit sensitive here but it really should be up to the boy where he wants to be.

Lots of folk saying, he'll want to stay at home - OP's home IS his home.

She isn't farming him out or dumping him. He's staying with his mum. So I imagine her DS's isn't going to suffer too much from his own mother looking after him and his dad going in to see him (I assume dad will be wearing a mask).
This is MN where stepmums are the scum of the earth but you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

How accomadation is the mum. I think that’s totally reasonable. Maybe that you still plan to take dss to the wedding, but want everyone well for it.

It sounds logical but your husband could catch it, and still give it to you and your daughter anyway in a week.

Honestly I don't know why people are jumping on you, it's perfectly reasonable to ask if he can stay there for one weekend, it's not like you're asking him to go to someone he doesn't know or isn't comfortable with, it's his home with his mum for goodness sake. I'd be doing the exact same thing in your situation.

I think that's perfectly reasonable and if I was his mum I'd prefer to have him close while sick anyway.

We have an agreement that if any of the kids at home are ill or DSS is unwell that we keep them separate of its obviously something viral (so not including headaches or similar). This is just to stop everyone getting unwell. If we can avoid time off school, then great but also so is adults avoid it too. I'm a full time carer for our youngest and my mum so need to be well enough as much as possible for that and then everyone else works so doesn't want the time off work.
It's always worked well for usfor over 10 years now, so this is something I don't see an issue with.