Pregnant and husband frustrated at the lack of intimacy

[wizadora1991]

Am I being unreasonable?

I’m 35 weeks pregnant and my Husband is getting angry / frustrated at the lack of intimacy

I’ve struggled with horrific HG sickness this pregnancy up until about 26 weeks and have also been very low with my mental health. I have been chasing a referral to the Mental Health team since August and yesterday was the first day I got seen by my new midwife who said I have an appointment on Friday with the team

Bit of context, as I’ve been poorly my Husband has been picking up the slack at home. Housework and looking after our 3yo DC, as well as working a full time job (works from home). I understand how tired he must also be

We have tried to have sex through the course of my pregnancy twice, but neither of us liked it so we stopped. However he still wants me to ‘fulfil his needs’ should we say

I must admit this is the last thing on my mind, with my MH being so low, he see’s me crying and low most days

Last night it wasn’t great, he was very frustrated. The day before I’d said oh i’d love to do ‘something’ for you tomorrow, when he said it had been a while. I was too tired at that particular time. Anyway yesterday I was unexpectedly out all day while DC was at nursery. Midwife in the morning who ended up running an hour late so I had to rearrange, really upset about this as I knew we were FINALLY going to be able to talk about my MH referral

I then had an appt at the salon to get some bits done for my baby shower at the weekend, the first time this entire pregnancy I have been out to get something done to feel human again. Then the midwife called to get me back in thankfully, so I was with her for an hour

By the time I had finished everything it was time to pick DC up from nursery. Then I came home and cooked tea. Husband put DC to bed and walked the dogs after. I was really tired (9pm) so asked if he wanted to go play his game for a bit as I knew it was early, or come to bed with me. He said he’d go on his game

I went to bed and fell asleep pretty much straight away. He came to bed about 10.40pm he says

I was in a half sleep like state and didn’t really stir properly until about 11.30pm, at which point I heard him slam his phone down and huff. I asked him to turn around and if he wanted what I’d suggested and he just said ‘oh no don’t bother don’t put yourself out’ then went onto proceed how it had been 3 weeks since anything, how I never make any effort in that department and I never think about what he wants or put him first ever

I just sort of acknowledged and quietly turned around as I was upset. I must admit that anything sexual really is the last thing I’m thinking about.

Am I wrong to think he shouldn’t be making me feel bad about it? I know he’s human and has needs but he truly knows how much I’m struggling physically and mentally. I just need to get through these last few weeks. He has the capacity to sort himself out but his attitude is ‘why should I, i want you to do it’ - which I get cause he wants to be close with me

I always tell him how gorgeous he is etc and cuddle / kiss him so he does get attention

He’s in such a mood with me this morning, slamming things around and being very short with me. It’s making me feel very on edge as I just want to be in a relaxed environment. Feeling very deflated

It is disappointing when sex is off the table especially when it's usually good/frequent, but sometimes that's just life. Why your husband would want his heavily pregnant, poorly, exhausted wife who is also struggling with her mental health to preform sex acts on him is beyond my comprehension.

You aren’t a sex toy, pregnant or not. Stop doing anything that doesn’t bring you pleasure and that you don’t enthusiastically want to do. If he continues to tantrum and strop around the house you could calmly explain that it’s a total turn off and that you won’t be doing anything sexual with him going forward unless you feel attracted and aroused. Change the narrative and adjust your expectations.

I have a good idea how you'll feel reading this comments. Guilty, worried that you've misrepresented him, etc.

Just imagine your husband had a painful hernia, was feeling low, and was struggling to sleep and constantly tired. You're horny. Would it cross your mind, even for a second, to tell him he should give you oral sex and get moody if he said he wanted to sleep instead? Would you be able to enjoy the act knowing how he felt? Why is your answer different from his?

He sounds awful OP.
Next time he’s ill, tell him you want sex and get stroppy if he won’t do it.

You haven't " made" him sound horrible OP. You have described how you feel and you have described his behaviour and it IS horrible behaviour.
It's very sad that you are defending him and almost blaming yourself for him being selfish and abusive .

Wow.
Good on him.
I was never pregnant, but stopped having sex at 40. Just disgusted by it, really. Offered husband a divorce, offered to open the marriage. Nothing like that happened, in fact he was absolutely horrified and now at 46 I couldn't be happier, also for the freedom from sex.
There is a big age difference between us, too, but husband is very healthy. And not an arsehole.

OP is being abused.

This doesn’t make him sound any better because if everything is perfect when you’re not pregnant then he needs to be understanding and realise that this isn’t gonna last forever he’s acting like a petulant little brat and he needs to stop. This is giving me the absolute ick, like I said does he have no realisation that this is only for nine months? He needs to cop on.

God, these bloody men and their "needs"! .... they are not needs, they are wants, and most decent adults know that they can't have everything they want in life. You poor thing.
Sex is not just about meeting " needs" ... it is about sharing pleasure and requires both to be in the mood and to get something out of it.
He is not treating you well.

Get the fuck away from him. He doesn't have 'needs', he wants to put his cock in your mouth when you have been suffering from HG.

He sounds bloody awful.

What is it with men and their fucking 'needs'. That trump everyone else's feelings. It's pathetic.

It's not intimacy he's lacking as that's closeness and cuddles that don't have to lead to anything more. It's sex. A hole to put his dick in. Which is a horrible cold way to look at it but that's what it is.

You are creating life carrying his child but all he's interested in is expelling some fluid out his dick.

I wish I could tell him to fuck off mate. Nobody's interested in your 'needs'. Use you right hand and some toilet roll. Job done. Stop pestering your wife so you can use her for sex.

Men. Yuk. They need to invent some kind of jag to dull their hormones. There's more to life than their sausage.

The last paragraph 👍
Glad I don't have to bother anymore.

My first thought to op!!

My abusive ex had me convinced I had poor mental health splitting with him was an instant cure

You've got a bad one there. You'd be better off getting out of this marriage.

Also sec is sex. It can be part of intimacy but in itself it's not intimacy. You said you hug and kiss him and give him compliments so he's not wanting intimacy he's wanting sex. Don't feel guilty feel offended

He sounds a colossal twat. Tell him to get over himself and have a wank.

Sorry OP but he’s awful.

And as a total aside he went to go and play computer games when he could have come to bed with you at 9pm? So it’s all about him being able to do what he wants, when he wants.

I think you are so conditioned to his appaulling behaviour you now think it’s normal. You have openly admitted you are not feeling sexual but offering to sort him out to keep the peace - and his being demanding and tantruming. If my hubby acted like that I don’t know if I could come back from the ick it would give me. Sorry hope you’re ok.
your comment “. Though definitely has his moody moments like everyone else does” ? Do they? I would not describe my hubby that way.

You don't owe him anything. You're your own person. He doesn't own you and he doesn't get to demand sex.

This is a great example. Can you say this to your DH? Ask him how he would feel. He may be (hopefully) shocked at how his actions come across.

Please do talk to him and propose this situation to him and come back to us and tell us what he said , because if he doesn’t have any understanding, then you do need to LTB!

I’d tell him to take his dick and get out of my house. He’s disgusting.

I didn’t have sex for over a year after my first due to mental resistance and my husband took it like an actual decent person who didn’t own me.

Asking someone to do something sexual for you when they don’t feel like it means they see you as a bloody object. You are his wife, not a living breathing flesh light.

Ask yourself this, would you like someone to treat your daughter like that, or would you like your son to treat someone else like that?

36 weeks pregnant and he's moaning it's been 3 weeks?

My youngest is 13 years old and I've not had sex with DH for double that and he's understanding!!

He is vile

Your husband is a total piece of sh!t. LTB.

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