AIBU to think you can't say anything anymore incase you offend someone?

[k2493]

My youngest child often has one friend come over every morning, and they walk to school together. Occasionally, another one or two friends join in, and they all walk to school together.

One of the other friends that I haven't seen in ages and probably met about three times knocked on the door before school and came inside. While waiting for my child to be ready and other friend to knock, I tried to make polite conversation like this:

Hey, how are you? How was the half term? Did you guys go away like .... mum because of school hours or does your mum not get the week off like me? There was no agenda, I was simply asking because a couple of both of my kids parents work school hours.

This kid couldn't have looked more uncomfortable and just said no my mum works. I genuinely didn't know what I did and left it at that.

Later that day both my kids were like "Mum you can't ask that anymore". I was like ask what if someone is lucky enough to have half term off to go away. They were like no, you can't ask private details anymore.

Am I going mad? I said to dh when we were younger we knew everyone's parents, where they worked, hobbies, etc it was no big deal. Maybe its because my mum and dad had a close circle of friends and so we knew if we couldn't reach them, we could reach our friends parents.

Now apparently you shouldn't talk to your kids' friends at all, let alone ask questions

Does anyone else experience this? I would be interested to know. There is so much going on in the world that I can't believe this is something I have to worry about

Please don't twist my words and be nasty. There was no agenda, I was simply trying to make polite conversation early in the morning.

Your posts suggest the question was very much loaded (and intentionally so).

I understand you were trying to make small talk and there was no ill intent, but the way you worded it, it does sound abit odd and not really small talk.

I would just keep to lighter topics next time!

You're fine.
Your children are just being normal children feeling totally embarrassed about everything their parents do. There's nothing wrong with what you did and it's fine to ask people questions about half term.

Even if it was offensive (which it wasn't) people don't have the right to not be offended if they are offended by something that is perfectly normal like day-to-day conversation.

What is it with the "can't make small talk" brigade?

Small talk:
Hello, how are you?
Nice weather/cold today, etc.
Nice hat/coat/shoes/bag
Have you seen XYZ on TV/listened to XYZ on the radio?
Have you read any books you'd recommend lately?
That's a lovely dog/cat/hamster/child
Did you manage to get away for half term/summer?

Plenty of ways to develop conversation from there.

Not small talk:
How much did you pay for this?
Why didn't you go away in the holidays?
Why do you talk/walk/stand funny?
Are you the grandparent/mother/father?
Are you pregnant?

Nobody is saying don't talk to people, but just to think about what you say and how it might sound.

I think this is why Trump is popular- he calls it as he sees it (albeit extremely) but yes you can't say anything these days.

Small answers.

Hello, how are you? Fine
Nice weather/cold today, etc. Mmm
Nice hat/coat/shoes/bag thank you
Have you seen XYZ on TV/listened to XYZ on the radio? No
Have you read any books you'd recommend lately? No
That's a lovely dog/cat/hamster/child thank you
Did you manage to get away for half term/summer? No

So, that's the first fifteen seconds sorted. Can I go now?

I thought the point of small talk was a brief filler.
Depending on the answers, any of these could be extended to conversation.

Yes, I admit it used to annoy me when people asked me or DC whether we were going away. No - I’m an HE lecturer and half terms don’t exist. When I was 0.6 we managed twice to get a long weekend when my timetable allowed - but most years it didn’t. We have never been able to take a week’s holiday in October, February or May.

people used to say that to my primary aged DCs all the freaking time. We're not in UK and many many many mothers of children that age are either SAHM or work only restricted hours.

It was code for "your mum is an awful woman who neglects you" (in reality: i like working and earning money to keep our family in nice things like homes and food)

But i knew they thought that because they often said, pityingly, to me "oh do you have to work so much?"

Don't know what else to say except that sadly I may have to ask my youngest to ask there friends to wait outside or physically leave the room in my own home until they leave for school in fear of saying the wrong thing from what started as polite conversation.

aw- there goes teddy in the corner.
there are countless posts saying "yes, you can say 'did you have a nice term?' and leave it at that" but you are determined that we are all mean girls being mean.

You asked a loaded question which could have stopped at "did you go away?". Not sure why you mentioned just mum not getting the week off "like you" as it would count on both DP and I being off to go away together (and I imagine lots of families will be the same).