To ask my DP for some money??

[OrchardBlack]

Not sure if I'm going mad tbh.

DP moved in with me (rented) earlier in the year. It's just us two.
In September he lost his job. Has a new permanent one starting end of this month and has started temping this week at Royal Mail to tide him over until he starts permanent job.

I am on the bones of my arse financially. He hasn't obviously had a paycheck this month so I've paid for all rent, all bills, his petrol, food, the works. Can't be helped but I'm literally clinging on until my own payday. I used to live with a housemate and we went halves but she moved out just as DP lost his job 😂

To my AIBU - DP tells me he's had a cheque through from his credit card company for £270 odd, due to excess fees he's been paying. Amazing, I thought! He can give me at least half and that will hopefully tide me over and I might even be able to go for a much needed drink with friends this weekend now.

Except he didn't offer. All afternoon. So I just bought it up with him and asked if I could have at least some, even just to cover the electric this month (with him being unemployed and home all day it's ££££ this month).

He reacted, at best, despondentley. Kind of deflated himself and said "I mean...I guess"

I tried to reason with him and he said he wasn't saying no, he'd need petrol though (??). He said he would but I think he was embarrassed I had to ask?

We've kind of left it at that but there's definitely an atmosphere and now I'm questioning myself.

It's been a shit few months tbh.

AIBU??

No you’re not.

He doesn’t get to live off you and get to keep an unexpected windfall all to himself. He should be embarrassed that he didn’t offer.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable - he should have offered you most of it when it came through! You’re not his Mummy, duty bound to look after him no matter the cost!

Absolute cheeky scrounging bastard. He SHOULD be embarrassed that you asked. This would seriously put me off someone tbh.

YANBU.

Did he contribute anything before he lost his job?

I would be asking him to leave and looking for a housemate unless he starts paying 50% towards all costs. I would be reconsidering the relationship too as he seems to be a bit of a freeloader.

Did he pay half rent, bills etc since he moved in before losing his job in September and will he pick up doing so when he gets his Royal Mail temp wages and when he starts his new permanent job soon?

Right??

The atmosphere is awkward af right now tbh and he's making out like I'm carrying it on, but I'm hurt and annoyed and can't just snap out of that.

Yes he did, all three of us (ex housemate) all went 1/3rds.

If he won’t contribute get him to move out and get another lodger . Cheeky bastard !

He should be using it for food shopping if you’re wiped out from paying the bills.

Get out.
Hes sulking and wants you to relent so he can spend that “bonus” on himself. He doesn’t care about you only what you bring to the table. Get out now.

I bet he was planning on treating himself with it and is now pissed off because he's realised he's got responsibilities instead.

If he's usually paid his way, up until losing his job, maybe it was just like he was happy about the little windfall and then bump back to reality again?

But yes, he should certainly be handing most of it over.

Depends whether he's normally good about sharing resources or if positions were reversed he'd have left you up shit-creek.

If he usually pays his way he most likely just thought thats great I have some money now to tide me over to payday. As you said he will need petrol for travel to work and food whilst at work. But of course he should give you some as well.

YABU to put with this.

YANBU - all costs should be split 50/50 - even if he lost his job he should be using savings to contribute. If he doesn’t have savings then there is a discussion to be had where he asked you to cover his % and then he would pay you back.

The fact he didn’t hand over the money or at least most of it to you is quite telling. How old are you both? It sounds like v immature behaviour - if he’s over 25 then there isn’t an excuse.

Yeah I think this is it tbh.

Surely no one does this??

Of course he should pay, he should be OFFERING, not acting all wounded you've had to ask.

Also, he wasn't working, did you really need to pay for his petrol? Ask for this money back separately from the household contributions

If he usually pays his way then I expect he thought it would be nice to have some unexpected cash until he got paid. But he should have at least offered to do a food shop.

It takes the pressure off you a bit because he can now pay for his own petrol etc.

I’m glad to hear he normally contributes but things are going to be tight until he gets paid which could be over another month away.

Any money either of you gets realistically needs to be put together and worked out how it’s going to be used to get through until then as easily as possible.

@OrchardBlack didn't he get any unemployment benefits?

Does he not have any savings at all? He should have offered you something as that’s the decent thing to do. This would really make me re think the relationship as he’s happy to sponge off you.

Loads of people I know do who are not married (and personally many years ago been in a similar situation and this was the expectation).And if mumsnet is anything to go by I’m sure a lot of married people work this way too 🤣

If you are married then it’s a completely different ball game in my own opinion though, but that would make the - I’m keeping the £ attitude worse though.