To ask my DP for some money??

[OrchardBlack]

Not sure if I'm going mad tbh.

DP moved in with me (rented) earlier in the year. It's just us two.
In September he lost his job. Has a new permanent one starting end of this month and has started temping this week at Royal Mail to tide him over until he starts permanent job.

I am on the bones of my arse financially. He hasn't obviously had a paycheck this month so I've paid for all rent, all bills, his petrol, food, the works. Can't be helped but I'm literally clinging on until my own payday. I used to live with a housemate and we went halves but she moved out just as DP lost his job 😂

To my AIBU - DP tells me he's had a cheque through from his credit card company for £270 odd, due to excess fees he's been paying. Amazing, I thought! He can give me at least half and that will hopefully tide me over and I might even be able to go for a much needed drink with friends this weekend now.

Except he didn't offer. All afternoon. So I just bought it up with him and asked if I could have at least some, even just to cover the electric this month (with him being unemployed and home all day it's ££££ this month).

He reacted, at best, despondentley. Kind of deflated himself and said "I mean...I guess"

I tried to reason with him and he said he wasn't saying no, he'd need petrol though (??). He said he would but I think he was embarrassed I had to ask?

We've kind of left it at that but there's definitely an atmosphere and now I'm questioning myself.

It's been a shit few months tbh.

AIBU??

If he's really got no money, I hope he's doing ALL the cleaning, cooking etc .

The guy's only been out of work a month, I think people are being pretty harsh. He's started temping and has a job lined up.

It's not like he's been unemployed and living off OP for ages without making an effort to find something.

Of course they do! If you owe money, you own money.
He owes you half of all the household costs from the date the third person moved out.

You are not married, and you don't share finances (such as all income from both of you going into one joint account).
So he owes you arrears, and should pay up as soon as he can - not just going forward but the arrears too.

Exactly @category12 its most likely he was just thinking that will tide him over and he won't need to ask for anymore money. As to not having any savings presumably neither does the OP if one month of just her wage has left her on the bones of her arse

I’d be questioning how he has fuck all savings at all and maybe keeping some money aside as a couple for emergencies.

It amazes me how people literally clear out their entire wage each month (except for extreme poverty/unemployed etc before anyone whinges, I’m talking about the average person).

Congrats OP, he’s a cocklodger 🥂

He's trying to live off you for free.

If he usually pays his way. how is he a cocklodger?

🤣🤣🤣

Going forward I think @OrchardBlack needs to get a lodger in. They were sharing rent Etc between three people before this.

He recognises that it’s only right to give you some of the money and he’s doing it, so I’d let it go. It’s been a shit time for both of you and that is bound to attract some stress.

It still isn’t a lot of money so tbf, you weren’t really thinking straight when you saw yourself out having a few drinks on it either.

I think I will, it's just annoying that I've had to work out every penny and had to ask him to put some towards it.

(I'm pretty sure I can have a few drinks on £200 though!)

Lots of people in the UK don't have savings or have very little set aside. They are the average person.

This is true.

@orangegato - £950 in rent + bills when I come out with around 1700 a month, not including food/petrol. that's not uncommon.

@justasking111 - He has a job now, temping until his perm one starts, but is paid weekly so won't get his first paycheck until next Friday. ⏰️ 😑

You need to broach it with him now or he’ll end up being a cocklodger. He needs to pay for things, does he not even buy any food in?

Did you have a conversation about how you’d both manage the bills
1- while he had no income
2- now that the lodger has moved out

Whose name is in the tenancy agreement, therefore who’s to make up the shortfall the lodger paid?

Now might be a good time to have a conversation about the bills going forward. Might be awkward now, but better that you’re both clear and agree going forward. You don’t want to feel uncomfortable again and find you both have different expectations of his pay when he received it next Friday.

He does, yes, he did the food shop and has spent a fair bit at B and Q buying then doing all the decorating that needed doing. The house has never been cleaner and I get dinner cooked every night without fail.

Not unreasonable at all , when in similar situation I kept track of spending and made sure I was refunded for the period where he had no cash flow once he was back at work

I think YABU to think about using the money to go drinking!

That's a good idea.
We'll come up with an amount that seems fair to me both of us for when he's finally paid.

I think it’s a bit unwise considering they are ‘on the bones of their arse’.

Things have changed for a lot of people the last 5 years... People who could once save on their wage are now living month to month.

It only takes one event to clear prior savings and then it is very, very difficult to build them back up now.

He doesn't get to live with you rent free. He go halves on everything or moves out.

How do you mean, no one does this? Been with my partner 10 years, we have both had periods of unemployment, we pay our share from our savings. We don't expect to be bank rolled by eAach other. Hopefully I misunderstood you.

I can see why you feel uncomfortable about having to ask OP. Did he know how scarce your finances were ? I am not making excuses for him but if he has previously paid his way and wasn't clear on the dire straits of your present finances, then maybe he just didn't think.
You had every right to ask him and must not allow yourself to be uncomfortable re this