Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

Their mother will have a lot to answer for and the children's statements will be taken into account.

@stephen8
Wow! If you were a woman who had been the step mum, doing exactly what you have done, you would be hailed as a living angel 😇 and would be put forward for an OBE by mumsnet.

Yes you should have contacted social services, but if you didn’t realise you needed to then why would you? Men are slated so badly on here for being useless dads, who don’t give a damn and don’t support their kids. Then there’s you…I hope everything works out for you and the girls. Be totally 100% open with all authorities about everything. I really am wishing you the absolute best.

If this man had posted saying “My wife has walked out and left me with her kids, and I’m putting them in care” You’d have ripped him to absolute shreds. “Did you not see the kids as a package? You’re disgusting! Why can’t you look after them?” There really are so many men haters on here. I say this as someone who spent many years married to a gambling addict. There really are some good men in this world.

Agree. There are some very naive women on this thread.

This is a fake post, open your eyes. It’s worrying how many women would believe anything.

Thank-you that was one of the things I wondered when does a tutor become a school.
While I don't know where the line is I'd think having 6 or more children of different ages 6 hours a day, 5 days a week has to come under the definition of a school.

I bet there are rural village schools with those kind of numbers.

Have you reported the thread?

You have literally no idea if this is true

You have literally no idea if children would be better off with him. You are absolutely wrong, he has no status as their legal guardian

He stands a good chance of becoming their legal guardian. They would have been better off with him. He has raised them for 6 years he did the right thing. I suggest you get some work experience in a children's home and you'll understand why. You'll quickly learn what parental trauma can do to a child and how it fuxks them up.

Prove it you can't throw around claims without proof.

Classic MN. I am absolutely aghast the vitriol you have received here on this thread. Surely as you were married to the mother, as the married step father you do gain some sort of PR. Also you would think there was a case for abandonment, given the way the mother has acted. I do echo others and say it's imperative you seek legal advice. you entered those girls lives when they were very young and they would've known no other father and family but you. If this is real, I'm sure the courts and SS will see this too.

And to think, the ex-wife was gambling and drinking away the tuition fees too.

She must have had some lucky wins along the way to pay for everything before your DParents could step up, OP @stephen8?

Unlucky that you can't contribute, isn't it? Does tutoring cost more now than when you were married, or something?

Surely children seeing a tutor 6 hours a day for however many days in the school year would - at some point - mention the fact that they no longer see their mother, and exclusively live with their stepfather?
@stephen8 You do sound like a wonderful man/dad, but to think that you've NEVER considered contacting the powers that be is absolutely baffling.

Also, someone said something about children losing their parents, and then living with their grandparents, and how grandparents wouldn't necessarily think to call SS. Again, that is proper barmy. Of course a majority of people would think to contact SS under circumstances like that! Or at the very least would let someone - such as school/tutor - know the circumstances, therefore being pointed in the direction of SS.

I normally would agree that if the OP had been a woman then threads like this would go in a different direction. However, in this case, I doubt it. I think it is absolutely fair to question everything the OP is saying. (Apart from suggesting that he is a pedophile. Man in unusual circumstances does not automatically equal sex offender!!)

I think that regardless of whether or not people think the OP has 'done a good job', none of it is above board. He could have done the best job in the world, ever, but he is not legally their parent and as such does not have any parental responsibility. Their relationship sounds wonderful, and continuing it is the best way for him and his daughters, but he is skating on thin ice here. I think professing innocence here is not a valid excuse.

I do, however, wish @stephen8 the best of luck! X

🎯

Surely as you were married to the mother, as the married step father you do gain some sort of PR.

What?!

And he sought legal advice. Hundreds of posts ago.

Surely if you were married to the mother you gain parental responsibility?

wow is that really what you assume? It just baffles me that you even felt okay to type that out.

He actually said he was ‘leaving it there’ and I don’t blame him.
lots of people are scared of SS and genuinely would not even think to get in touch with them.

Can I just say you sound like an amazing.dad and well done for stepping up.amd being tje parent the kids needed. I really hope everything goes well.

Hey OP, this thread might be outing and cause you issues, you've got what you came for so why not ask for it to be removed now.

Firstly, any idiot can google and see that a step parent does NOT automatically attain parental responsibility and this is given only in specific circumstances, via a court order.

Secondly, @stephen8 are you claiming any benefits related to these children?

Good luck to you and those lovely girls tomorrow