Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

Ignore the bitchy twats on here.

Sounds like you have done a great job and whatever happens the kids will know that you didn't give up on them - it will mean a lot to them one day.

Good luck tomorrow! If you feel up to it please do come back and let us know how it went.

What amazing progress in one afternoon! I really hope that these children stay in your home. Remember to record everything, make sure you have a log of every time she has been abusive.

I find it extraordinary that you could post this when you clearly know nothing about how the court system works in urgent cases such as those where an abusive parent is threatening to take children away.

Just wanted to wish you good luck in court tomorrow. Your girls are lucky to have you.

My stepson who's also technically my DHs stepson lives with us full time. Sometimes the best parents for kids aren't their bio parents.

A scenario like this should absolutely be noteworthy to a tutor. A tutor who was qualified and permitted to be in paid charge of them 30 hours a week would absolutely be aware of who does and does not have parental rights. The fact that the topic was never even broached with the OP is concerning.

He's explained that. If you're so concerned about the situation, why not take the trouble to read all his posts. Home schooling is regulated by local authorities and children are not thereby removed from safeguarding.

It's possible, possible that he could have got an urgent hearing. Really unlikely, as he would need consent of the court as a person without PR, and it would need to be ex parte, and that would be even dodgier given he doesn't have PR and she does, and furthermore the children don't attend school and the OP could quite easily just ensure the mother doesn't get an opportunity to take them between now and the hearing which makes it even less likely he would have got an urgent ( next day is not even urgent, it's almost unheard of fast) hearing. But it's really really unlikely.

Its also beyond unlikely that a social worker would have visited on the same day. Just no.

Given that MASH would struggle to approach other professionals about these girl's welfare, they may well begin S.47 enquiries and send a social worker out the same day.

Home schooling, while common, is something that needs checking out. Cafcass would approach the children's LA on finding out the girl's are homeschooled.

Get social services involved now. Tell them everything.

You don't know how the system works, do you?

My own opinion is that all answers should take all OP at face value. Yes everyone puts their best foot forward and tells their story from their own POV, & yes there are 2 sides to every story, however the point behind a post for help & advice is to ...... <drum roll> ........ get help & advice. If the OP isn't accurate then the value of the H & A is degraded. Who suffers from that? The OP!

So just accept the OP & advise/support accordingly. Challenges to the story have no place or purpose.

The prospect of an abusive and intoxicated mother taking them from a settled home, however, is an urgent safeguarding concern.

I really do know how the court system etc work. For a referral to go into MASH, home visit, visit to education setting (tutor in this case), solicitor to be instructed, have availability, be briefed and file a c100 with an urgent hearing scheduled for the next day is quite extraordinary in a few hours. It’s also somewhat surprising that social services didn’t say this was a matter for the family court and that the solicitor reported to SS. Especially given the Mother is proposing the 12th which is close but it’s hardly fleeing the country in the next 12 hours close.

regardless, I hope this family have a good outcome and while I am astounded by the speed this moved with professional involvement I do feel the poster would have a very different response if he wasn’t male which is a shame.

Loads of good luck tomorrow!

How do you know it's his name?

In my professional experience Ive never heard of a family court private law hearing the next day when you've only just seen a solicitor this afternoon.

Public law yes, private no.

Where is your MIAM? Are you alleging violence?

There isn't enough time to serve your ex unless you are planning to do it without notice which is only in exceptional circumstances such as a danger to your life for example.

So what exactly is your hearing tomorrow? It would help to get some clarification.

Yes I do. I work in it. The way it works is that you make a referral to MASH. A screening officer looks at it and screens it red, amber or green. Red ragged cases need to be screened within 4 hours and sent to a social worker in the assessment team for an urgent visit. Amber is 24 hours and green is 72 IIRC. That means most referrals sit in the MASH for 3 days before being passed to a social worker for a visit. If you're the assessing social worker given a non section 47 case you've got 5 days from first contact to visit the children. Obviously their time is prioritised seeing the red cases, and amber and greens get a planned visit within the 5 days.

Red cases are for urgent s47 visits. When a child presents with an injury or makes a disclosure. Those visits usually take place with a police officer as there is a potential criminal investigation that may go alongside the s47. You need evidence of serious and immediate risk to do a s47 same day visit. Can you identify where the serious and immediate risk of harm would be in this scenario?

Not if the step father is more than capable of preventing her from getting the children before he gets into court. If she turns up pissed he doesn't just have to hand the children over 🙄 you're confusing private individuals with schools. He just says no and calls the police.

Their abusive and drunken mother is threatening to remove them.

Right. And what happens when she turns up drunk at his house. He keeps the door shut and tells her to go away. If she refuses to go away he calls the police. Police attend, find drunk woman, scared kids etc. remove drunk mum, make social services referral. That's it.

What if she turns up at the tutors or one of their other activities? Is OP supposed to keep them imprisoned at home indefinitely?

😂

I'm glad I'm not the only one finding this thread utterly bizarre.

This thread is proof that whatever a stepparent does will never be good enough for some. So often on this site SP's are told that they should treat the DSC like they would their own DC. Here you have somebody willing to do that and somehow it's wrong. I swear there are some on here that would rather see the OP's DSC living with an ustable mother or in care rather than being with someone who obviously cares deeply for them because shock horror it's a SP.

Good luck tomorrow OP it's the first step on a long hard journey but finger's crossed it all goes well for you and your girls.

In this hypothetical scenario he would be advised to keep them safely under his supervision until the court date. Which would not be next day, as he's more than capable of keeping them safe for a week or two.

Do you know what ex parte means? It's relevant here.