To book tickets to see same show as husband and step-daughter

[Tinogirl]

Every year husband’s niece is in a pantomime and SiL buys tickets for DH and stepdaughter and the rest of the family but not me and my daughter. They then go to a Greek restaurant.

I am fed up of the exclusion so this year I am going to book tickets and a table at the restaurant for me and DD.

When I confront SiL she says that her kids don’t get to see step-daughter that often, and I said that my daughter won’t get in the way of them seeing her just by being there.

DH can’t see what the fuss is about and why I want to go.

DH thinks if I go ahead with my plan it will be embarrassing for me. I don’t think so.

How old is your daughter? I think it's a terrible idea and I wouldn't put my daughter through it. It will only make your relationship with SIL much worst.

Is SIL good friends with the Ex?

Your SIL is being nasty, but I don't think you'll come out of this looking good if you follow through with your plan.

My husband would tell her to buy 4 tickets and if not he wouldn't join. We are a family not pick and choose.
You have a husband issue.

I wouldn't go sitting next to them but not together. No way. If I'm not wanted or included.
I would buy tickets for a nice Christmas show for dd and myself and enjoy that.

I'm sorry but that will come across as horribly desperate and embarrassing. It's in quite poor taste to invite yourself to something when you clearly weren't on the list and it's also bound to cause more issues, potentially with the wider family as they might feel the behaviour is a little unhinged. Forcing your daughter and yourself to sit on separate table possibly on the other side of the restaurant is also really odd and will likely make her feel extremely self conscious even if you don't. She isn't going to forgot that memory lol. Don't be that parent.

Is the DD joint with your DH? Or from a previous relationship?

Don’t drag your dd into this. She doesn’t need to know that she’s being excluded by her stepaunt (?) and you risk an awkward situation at the restaurant for your dd.

I think that you should do something special that day but you need to see that your problem is your h.

Don't do this to your daughter, just do something else fun. It's really not fair to drag children into family arguments.

OP find your dignity and self respect and organise something else for you and your daughter for the evening. It is clear they just want it to be niece, her mother, step daughter and her uncle. You saying that you won't be in the way of them seeing each other are missing the point that the dynamic of a gathering changes with the addition of further individuals. They just want it that way and yes, I understand you might feel left out but you are not 6 years old and this isn't an all class birthday party.

This is their tradition. Not everything has to be done as a blended family. Maybe SD has told auntie she just wants this to their thing. SD will already have comprised on other things time with dad etc. I would stay out of this!

I’m so sorry but I agree that all that will happen is your daughter will realise/ feel like she was left out, it’s not something she needs to know

I get that it's awkward to feel excluded, and for us wed include "step" in family, but I think it would be really really awkward if you did this, particularly the turning up to your own table at the restaurant. It's not about the cost? If she's paying for the tickets? Just a thought.

I’m sorry but they obviously don’t see you as family. You mentioned in a previous thread that his daughter doesn’t like your daughter maybe that’s also a reason for not being invited . It’s hard but they are entitled to invite who they want too and don’t want to invite you. Do not invite yourselves along as it will embarrass both of you not them.

You have many posts on DH’s family not inviting you and DD to things. They don’t see you as family, I’m not sure why you keep persisting.

Also the fact your DD and DSC don’t get on, will be a massive factor.

Why do you need their approval so much? You can’t force blended families unfortunately. DH chose to marry you, his family didn’t.

It's her gift to her family, she obviously doesn't want to spend that amount of money on you or your daughter. Do you have a decent relationship with her? If it's about money then your husband should offer to pay for your two whereas if you don't really have a good relationship then I can see why she doesn't invite you. Booking two tickets is ok but don't book the same restaurant that seems desperate

And DH is right, it would be massively embarassing to do this. They’ll probably still ignore you and the bridges will be burned forever.

Absolutely do not do this.

God don't use your dd like this to make a dramatic point.

It's not fair on her to drag her into something that will make things worse.

Its unfair of her, but booking your own tickets isn’t a great idea. I mean for the panto maybe, if you really want to see it, not the restaurant. Don’t involve your daughter in this to make a point. If your DH is content with this, then you need to leave it.

Don’t embarrass your DD like that.

I am sure the panto is on more than one night. Book tickets for another night if you are desperate to see it and take niece our afterwards. Don’t make their little family thing awkward. Going to the same restaurant on a different table is super awkward and a bit childish.

Don’t do this. Whether her behaviour is ok or not is a separate question but this is not the way to handle it

I can't believe people are defending the SIL.

It's clearly a big family tradition and I bet other family members are invited.

The OP is part of their family. She's married and her DD is her DH's SD and lives under his roof. It's a legal familial relationship; I'm sick of people on MN acting like stepchildren are just some random kids getting in the way.

To exclude the OP and her DD is a terrible thing to do and fucking spiteful.

I can't believe your DH stands for it.

Why does your husband go without you both
Your his family
So should be part of the pantomime and meal.
Why do you stay with him ,when treats you so badly.
Sil takes her lead from her brother
If your husband didn't accept this situation,your sil would do things differently

Your dh is the problem here
I can't believe he goes without you both
Your DD must feel awful about it .
No way would I stay in a relationship where the man treated me as second class

So you're going to just sit in the restaurant at a separate table? And you'll be separate in the theatre?

Not sure what this is supposed to achieve. It will just be massively awkward.

Your DC and SDC not getting on is a massive issue which you seem to be minimising.