To book tickets to see same show as husband and step-daughter

[Tinogirl]

Every year husband’s niece is in a pantomime and SiL buys tickets for DH and stepdaughter and the rest of the family but not me and my daughter. They then go to a Greek restaurant.

I am fed up of the exclusion so this year I am going to book tickets and a table at the restaurant for me and DD.

When I confront SiL she says that her kids don’t get to see step-daughter that often, and I said that my daughter won’t get in the way of them seeing her just by being there.

DH can’t see what the fuss is about and why I want to go.

DH thinks if I go ahead with my plan it will be embarrassing for me. I don’t think so.

This! I wouldn’t go without my stepdaughter being included and I know my husband wouldn’t go if I wasn’t included. We come as a package, we are one family. If any family member can’t accept that (which they don’t have to because as a PP said we chose a blended family, they didn’t) then we are entitled to choose no contact to protect our children, which is what we would do. You have a DH issue not a SIL issue.

It’s hurtful to be left out but I don’t think you are going the right way about it.

Don’t embarrass your daughter. Leave your husband.

you'll give the SIL, neice and SD a right story to tell to their mates. Why would you want to feed the crazy stepmother narrative?

That. What are you thinking? Your child will be mortified, and will be the talk of her school. You might be happy to be gossipped about as a loon, but your DD doesn't deserve this.

I can't believe that a grown adult mother would think this a great plan.

I'm a single parent and not in a step family situation but even if I were I wouldn't want to bring my step children to every event that my family had. Especially not if my kids and their kids din't even get along. I think it's valuable to still have individual relationships with your own children and do stuff with just your own side of the family and not try and force the same closeness to step children as that will cause more tension between the kids, especially if they are a bit older. No child wants to feel like their new step mum's child is as important to their dad as they are. I think some division is just to be expected when it comes to step families.

To be honest, I can understand why SIL leaves you out, if you're this batshit.

This

I’m guessing this is a reverse?

The idea of going to someone else’s child’s panto doesn’t appeal.

This night out sounds like it's about neices and nephews meeting up.
Your DD & DSD appear not to get on.
That would make the dynamics difficult.
Your husband is supporting his DD and seeing his neices/nephews.
It's a shame the kids don't get on, but foisting yourselves upon them is not going to foster good relations and quite frankly could end up with a shitty scene in a restaurant in front of several kids including your own.
Do you really want that?
I understand you are hurt, but I advise you to take a step back and ask yourself if this relationship is really for you?

Do you and your DH do stuff with your DD when your DSD isn’t there?

I would not do it, it would be massively embarrassing to your dd and point out even more to her that she's not been invited and make her feel uncomfortable.
I also think your husband is gutless and should not have been going without his family, you come as a package or not at all, talk about make your child not feel part of the family, I have to say I would not have stood this from my husband, the first time he suggested it, I would have told him, if you go without us our marriage is over.
You obviously don't want to end your marriage personally I would have over this but as you have stayed I would distance myself from SIL I would never go anywhere she invited me again husband would have to go alone, if my child is not good enough for them then neither would I be.

Appalling thing to do. Childish, petty and awful for your daughter. You will look utterly deranged to the other family. Seriously.

this is not that big a deal. They have a family tradition, your dd can have hers. Do something lovely with her , a day out, another show, something festive and cheerful.

this is not to say that I think sil is right. But given that this is the way she is choosing to play it, and that your dh is willing to go along with it, crack on and do your thing. Frankly I’d be more annoyed at him than your sil

I totally agree with this. However your plan to force the issue is a terrible one which will only end badly for you and your poor DD.

Some people are saying that the children don't get along, but in no part of the original post does it say this.

What a terrible idea.

Because it’s divisive. I don’t believe step DC should be left out. The people I know who have step DGC never leave them out. And why would SIL not invite her DB’s partner? Just weird.

she is related to them only insofar that her husband is related to them. They don't have to like her, they don't have to invite people they don't like to family events.

People who blend their families can't force everyone else to accept it as the new unit, all or nothing. That is something anyone planning to "blend" a family needs to think about and accept.

Of course DC can spend time with one parent - that’s fine. But this is a special occasion and it’s bloody awful of the aunt to leave the other child and her DB’s partner out. And bloody awful of the DH to accept it.

No, but it may say so in one of the OP’s many other posts about not being invited to things by her DH’s family, which other people are referring to.

When I confront SiL she says that her kids don’t get to see step-daughter that often

And your daughter's presence would not step them from doing that. She is just being deliberately mean (probably because for whatever reason, she doesn't like you or approve of your relationship with your DH). Can't stand women like that.

The OP has had multiple threads in the past complaining about her husband/stepchild being invited places by his cousin or inlaws, but not her or her child. I might have sympathy, but there was one where she objected to acousin going to dinner with her husband - just the two of them. She clearly doesn't feel he should be doing anything without her.

If your husband just wanted to spend the day with his daughter alone I could see that, bonding time and that's great, but the whole family going but you, I would not have put up with this, your husband and his family are dispicable

You have a massive DH problem. You should leave him.

It sounds like this is a tradition and if your DC don't get on that's possibly another reason. Turning up seems deranged, why on earth put yourself let alone your DD through this; if there is already tension this will only make it worse.

We're a big, complex blended family but we don't do EVERYTHING as one unit. Why not book a fabulous treat for you and your DD this year and have an amazing time without them

@VitaminSubtle Thank you x.