To book tickets to see same show as husband and step-daughter

[Tinogirl]

Every year husband’s niece is in a pantomime and SiL buys tickets for DH and stepdaughter and the rest of the family but not me and my daughter. They then go to a Greek restaurant.

I am fed up of the exclusion so this year I am going to book tickets and a table at the restaurant for me and DD.

When I confront SiL she says that her kids don’t get to see step-daughter that often, and I said that my daughter won’t get in the way of them seeing her just by being there.

DH can’t see what the fuss is about and why I want to go.

DH thinks if I go ahead with my plan it will be embarrassing for me. I don’t think so.

But he hasn’t requested them. He sees no issue with just seeing his niece and her children with his daughter, if the whole point is getting the children together.

Don’t do this. Your SIL sounds unkind but this is embarrassing and won’t be nice to involve your DD in this awkwardness. I would however book an amazing show and meal or other activity to do for your DD and you as a treat.

Don't do it as pp have said. It will be awful for your DD.

However, what I would start to do going forward (to make the point to DH) is to find something his daughter would really want to do (and that your DD would like too). I'd book it just for you and your DD and say that your Mum/Dad/other family member bought tickets for you (and only you and your DD) to do it. Make him see how mean it is to leave people out of family events. I'd plan something like that for the very next night if possible.

The reality is that it sounds like your relationship is on a hiding to nothing.

Why would you want to put your DD (and yourself) through that?

The situation seems to be that the people going don't want either of you there. If they did, they would have invited you. Turning up uninvited is only going to lead to either drama or sitting sadly in the corner feeling lonely while watching them have fun.

You and your DD deserve better than that, so make the evening better than that.

What other thing would your DD like to do? Cinema, show, dinner somewhere, laser tag, bowling, spa, light show? Plan something fun, that's more fun for her than sitting in an auditorium like a spare part - something where she can feel special and accepted as the person she is. Then, if anyone mentions the niece's show, you can simply say you hope they have a lovely time, but you and DD have other commitments that evening. If they're the kind of people who take loads of photos for social media, make sure you get tangible evidence of your own evening for your DD (photos, souvenirs, etc) - not for one-upmanship but so that she can see that, regardless of whether other people had fun doing their thing, she can have fun doing her thing and she doesn't need them.

Why are you still married to this man? He doesn't see you or your daughter as family.

If you book your tickets for the night before they go that's reasonable. Booking for the same night is tacky.

Doesn't sound like her husband is.

If you want to go to the panto go on another night but don't do it on the same night and the same restaurant. Yabu.

Not only is it embarrassing behaviour on your part but I'm sure your poor child will feel uncomfortable too!

Don't do it, you'll look crazy. Just tell DH to tell her either she invites you and daughter this year or he and stepdaughter aren't going.

Don’t do it, it won’t be the big statement you think it will be, you will just look crazy. I know someone who did similar and people talked for years about how strange and desperate she must be. Rise above it and take your daughter out somewhere else, just the two of you.

I voted YANBU because I think you are totally right in being fed up with this situation, I don't understand how your husband leaves you and DD every year, mine would definitely say something...
BUT I would not do that, it will be even worse for all involved. Do something else fun and speak to your husband so this doesn't happen again next year.

I think you'll just look desperate. I would go and do something different with your DD.

Don't do it just to make a point and embarress yourself and your daughter. If you really really wish to see it go on another day. Rise above it!

I think it would be embarrassing OP, but I also think it's dreadful that your husband has continued to allow you to be excluded in this way.

I'd book another show to see with your daughter and have a lovely evening together - do something better ❤

Is your niece a child? It's her night. Aside from anything else, this is her night and creating drama is awfully unkind to her.

It sounds petty and childish.

You'll be making things awkward for everyone including your own daughter if you eat at the same restaurant. If you do insist on going forward with your plan, be ready and prepared for some backlash and known as the 'strange one' of DHs family, you might be excluded from future events, making things difficult for DH and SD.

Let them have their night out. If you insist on going, you could always book the theatre for the same night, but sit elsewhere away from them. If you bump into them, just say DD really fancied watching the show too. Then go eat elsewhere. Have your own mother and daughter day. You don't always have to do something as a 4. You're not all joined at the hip. Can't you do something with your own family?

Personally I wouldn't show myself up or put my DD in that situation.

Having read its not the first time you and DD have been excluded from family events has your DH ever questioned his family and asked straight out why?

TBH infuture I'd keep my distance from them and let them get on with it, treat them as they do you, no interaction what so ever, no going out of my way to entertain them, even if DH asks you to.

Not ideal to lead separate lives family wise and you can't stop your DH attending family get togethers, but all this would tell me is he himself isn't to concerned if I'm there or not.

Your husband needs to stand up to her if you all want to go. This isn’t about the show it’s about not being included isn’t it? Clearly it’s stemmed from something else!

No, don’t do that. Why shouldn’t your dh enjoy some family time with his daughter? I have always actively encouraged my dh to spend time with his daughter, separate from me. I get on with her extremely well, always have done, but he chose me, she didn’t!

Why don’t you book something special to do with your daughter instead? It might be nice for her to have some one on one time.

Does your dd ever do anything with your side of the family without stepdaughter?

SIL and your husband are out of order but think you need to do something different with your own daughter. (Presumably she is not DHs daughter?)
If she realises what is happening and asks why she's not included be v clear it's not her in anyway but SIL/husband being unkind/selfish etc.
It's very sad that people can do this.

I'm sorry @Tinogirl but this is a monumentally bad idea and you will look like the bad guy. Not to mention the damage you would be doing to your own dd.

Your dh and sd are allowed to do things that don't involve you and your dd your know!!! If they don't get to see much of their cousin then I can understand them not wanting another child around that will naturally want to join in. It will change the dynamics and that is unfair for all involved.

I say this as a step mum twice over.

If you mean book tickets to see the show on a different day then go for it.
If you intend to book for the same night, sit next to them and then turn up at the same Greek restaurant the please don’t.
It’s very petty that your and your Dd are not involved in this but don’t force yourself in. Your DD will feel so awkward.

Agree with this, your husband needs to grow a spine, bloody awful of your SIL too!