DP has mentionitus about new (female) work colleague

[Imjustlikeyou2]

My DP started a new job recently and I have noticed he keeps mentioning a woman he works with, he rarely if ever mentions the men he works with and I feel like this is getting into mentionitus territory. What she did today that was funny, what she has being installed in her home etc etc. What can I do to shut this down without… addressing it? I feel it’s not enough for me to be saying why do you keep mentioning her but my senses are tingling that there is a slight crush. Or do I do nothing and if it does escalate allow him to throw away 15+ years and children? Thanks in advance.

Years ago my boyfriend kept banging on about a female colleague... And I literally thought nothing of it until I saw them interact at a party and the penny dropped 😬 he definitely fancied her. I pulled him up on it and he was very sheepish. in my case it didn't go any further thankfully. I felt so stupid though.

Just ask him outright.

@Tattletail, I too hope that @Imjustlikeyou2 has commented on his mentionitis. Posters have suggested a multitude of options for her to choose from. I think she’ll kick herself later if she doesn’t take action.

Why on earth haven't you said something.

"“DH, do you realise you talk about Janice an awful lot? Do you fancy her or something?” He’s never going to say yes, but at least you let him know you’ve clocked it." @Sidebeforeself puts it perfectly.

Starting a new job can be a time of vulnerability. Adults, and particularly men, can feel silly admitting that to themselves and others.

In the workplace, women often are the ones who are nice to the new person. If someone is going to be nice to you, it's more likely to be a woman.

It could be that your bloke started a new job and felt a bit vulnerable being the new guy. The only person who has been nice to him has been this woman. Whether she's been formally assigned to be his person or not. That's why he's rattling on about her.

It's not a crush (maybe), it's just a woman who has been kind to him. Men sometimes do mistake that for sexual attraction in themselves and in the kind person, but that's because of how badly men have been socialised.

Can't you just talk about it like adults? "Gavin, I notice you seem to be talking about Hayley from HR quite a bit, I know far more about her than I do about any of your male colleagues, what's that about, is there a bit a of crush brewing?"

It doesn't really matter if he denies it (he may not have even realised it himself at this stage) as it still opens up the conversation either way. It's an opportunity for you to just remind him of your boundaries and whatever it is he stands to lose if he lets this go too far. We all have daft crushes from time to time, but most people never act them so it can't hurt to just use it as an opportunity to check in and make sure it's a non-thing.