DP has mentionitus about new (female) work colleague

[Imjustlikeyou2]

My DP started a new job recently and I have noticed he keeps mentioning a woman he works with, he rarely if ever mentions the men he works with and I feel like this is getting into mentionitus territory. What she did today that was funny, what she has being installed in her home etc etc. What can I do to shut this down without… addressing it? I feel it’s not enough for me to be saying why do you keep mentioning her but my senses are tingling that there is a slight crush. Or do I do nothing and if it does escalate allow him to throw away 15+ years and children? Thanks in advance.

Sorry this happened to you too. As another poster mentions it's always the ones they 'couldn't possibly fancy', 'she/he's not my type', 'she's married', 'absolutely nothing to worry about ' hahaha. Shame my stbxh company decided sending them to hotels together for work was a brilliant idea!

He fancies her. But is she likely to fancy him?

pair of absolute shits.

I'm sorry he did that to you.

'You've mentioned Jolene about 50 times so far this week, you've mentioned all your other colleagues about 3 times total. Is this something I should be concerned about because it's really starting to grate.'

I think bringing this into the open is the way to go - the bright light of reality shining on this possibly blossoming friendship can be the very thing to make any potential issue shrivel and die - good luck , hopefully nothing in it

I’d just be really blunt “you sound a little taken with Jolene. Be careful darling, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of thing”

A plain old 'Jeez I get it, you fancy her' will hopefully pull him up.

‘Husband I’m feeling insecure because you keep mentioning Emma. I don’t want this to become an issue in our marriage so if you are getting feelings for her can you check yourself so it doesn’t come between us?’ I’d say something like that to my DH, and hope it would be enough to get him to reflect on what the hell he’s doing.

Yeah, I'd mention it too. This could be helpful in giving him a little jolt into thinking...hmm, what is this? (It would me). We all know what it's like meeting someone new who you like. I was constantly talking about that person, how funny they are, the books they read etc with current partners. If someone starts doing it while in a relationship, it's something not to ignore.
I have actually been in this situation with my partner, and brought it up in a joking manner. And that enabled us to open up the conversation further and I had what I thought was a grown up chat.
At the end of the day, if they're going to cheat they will. No amount of what you/ they say will change that.
All you can hope for, is that after you've brought it up, they love and respect you enough to think 'hang on, what am I doing here 'imjustlikeyou2' doesn't like this, I can see how this might seem etc etc, will be enough to stop it before it starts. ❤️

I would go down the piss taking route.

Definitely monitor the situation.

Ask him about all his finances and take copies of everything. When he asks why, tell him he's on a slippery slope to divorce so you need to know what your share is

This'd be me.

I'd be aiming for a more balanced approach but then get pissed off and it's how it would come out.

yeah sure, than just ask him. He will deny it and you are going to be none the wiser.

Just to offer a different perspective, I’ve had mentionitis. I do get like it when I engage in conversation with someone and find interesting things out. I’ll then come home and repeat it because I find it interesting. Never had any immoral thoughts or feelings towards these men.

I would just outright say how you feel and what your concern is. At least he knows then

I agree with you in the way of if he wanted Jolene I’d just let him get the fuck on with it too op. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want me the same…

So what’s important is apart from this… what is your relationship like? Do you feel it’s a strong union? Has anything like this happened before? Do you chat, make each other laugh, are you loving? Are you good mates too?

This!

I like that one. Breezy, no paranoia in evidence but coming straight to the point, no hinting or asking questions where he'll immediately go on the defensive. Sunlight on a situation is very good for making things clear.

Tell him to stop bloody mentioning her and all her little life doings because it is bothering you.

Can you start having mentionitis about a new man you’ve met at work / school run / park / hobby group etc? And if he gets in a scrunch about it, say ‘Oh I thought this is what we were doing now, I’ve certainly heard enough about Margaret to fill my boots’.

I had the conversation several times with my H about being careful of relationships with his female colleagues because he's always been close with women at work and prefers female company. Sadly it didn't help! I do think it could still be innocent though. I've had male
work friends that I didn't in any way feel attracted to but probably still mentioned a lot. Definitely be wary though.

I’d go with something along the lines of “talking about Jane again? Don’t you work with anyone else? You sound a bit obsessed” just off the cuff, not squaring up to him

non confrontational, but letting him know you’ve noticed his mentionitis.

I like @5128gap‘s above suggestion. You are letting him know that you’ve noticed the mentionitis, and are aware of how proximity and over-investing can threaten a marriage.

A light needs to be shone before he gets too far down the slippery slope.