ExH brought his dog in my house without permission

[CfCfCftooMuch]

ExH just dropped off his dog in my house. For me to look after, even though i had said no to looking after him. The dc let Exh and dog in when i was out. They love that dog and of course had no knowledge of anything.

ExH is gone now for two weeks. Abroad. He just walked out and took off to the airport, leaving dog behind.

I've got two dc and two cats and work long hours. The cats have never spent a night/day alone in the house with this dog. He is kind and mellow, but a large breed. Size of a wolf.
I've contacted a dog shelter and might have to go to go through rspca.

Posting to tell someone. This is just one of many many ways he always finds a way to use me or control my life. I didn't want any of this. And now im left here calling shelters (which im asked to pay for), calling womens aid, calling rspca, figuring out how to do this without upsetting the dc, texting exH to sort out care if he doesn't want me to take this further, posting here for support, trying to figure out tomorrow with sorting out the kids, my work, other stuff, business meeting and my actual day job. Honestly?! Wtf!!!

yes yes this as they will be able to invoice him and know that he's paid before...genius. thank you, IKEAJesus, you are well named.

This is good. And humane.

Who looks after the dog when he is at work?

Can you contact them and ask for help?

That poor dog.

This.

It's not great for the dog but better than some other options, like being dumped/sold etc.

It will probably soil/trash the ex's house which means at least he'll experience some negative consequences and might think twice next time.

It's also likely what the rescues/dog warden/RSPCA -equivalent will advise OP to do anyway - no, it's not ideal but it's only for 2 weeks then his owner is home. Rescues/shelters are almost always underfunded, oversubscribed, have long waiting lists and plenty of dogs for whom that kennel space is literally life or death so if it's anything less than an emergency they will often push for a solution that means the dog doesn't come to them, even if it's not ideal. Not much is ideal in rescue to be honest, rescue is what happens when ideal has left the building long ago. And, again, this dog has an owner who is coming back for it, and rescues aren't there to provide free short term boarding solutions.

Nah. This is a valuable lesson to your children in how not to be a pushover.

Take the dog back to his house, leave it there and don't look back. He will get himself back home when he realises you're not facilitating his bullshit.

At the moment he can do this, because you'll be running around dropping and fetching the dog- exactly as he knew you would.

If he fails to get himself back from holiday sharpish, then you report the dog as abandoned, as then it is.

It's really not the role of the vets to board healthy animals. In the same way that social services would be the first port of call for an abandoned or lost child (rather than the GP!!) this is a dog warden issue if the OP cannot cope.

If you can get a kennel take him without vaccine documents. Board him there with all X contact details. Dont tell kennel anything about your angry situation. Dont leave your details.

That’s most humane. He can pay on collection.

Tell kids that it’s what their dad wanted.

Interesting.. can you find out which daycare? If he has an existing account with them, they might be more willing to take the dog and invoice him later than some completely random kennels who doesn't know you would. They might even be able to offer overnight boarding, but even if they can't they could maybe at least have the dog during the day and just put it on ex's account. Or there might be a member of staff who knows the dog and would be willing to help?

As much as your ex is a dick, you have to put the dog first. It's not the dog's fault, you cannot just dump him. Please be kind to the dog, don't put his well being at risk to get revenge on your ex.

Which you could've done without making suggestions that OP has already been very clear will not work.

I absolutely love the idea of advertising for a dog sitter to live in his house whilst he's away! Tell him that you've advertised the position on Facebook Marketplace. Then send him photos of some of the very dodgy looking applicants.
The alternative is to register the dog with 'Borrow My Doggy'. Tell him that the alternative is that you drop the dog off at boarding kennels and that he has to phone them with vaccination details and his credit card details. His only other option is to get a friend to pick his dog up instead. Stand your ground. Make him do the leg work. What a cock!

I would be contacting a solicitor about making sure he doesn’t enter your home uninvited ever again. Along the lines of a restraining order. And best not to ever ask him for help with your pets as it creates the impression you help each other out reciprocally.

This is a valuable lesson to your children in how not to be a pushover.

Oh god this is getting worse. My gentle DS still wakes from nightmares because the pet rat he owned had a stroke and died a couple of years back. I have no idea how he would manage if his actions led (in his mind) to our dog being endangered or destroyed. He'd be devastated and his confidence in his parents undermined. I feel desperately sorry for you OP, your ex is a complete asshat twunt who deserves to have sunburn on his bollocks for what he's done to you, but don't let him make you the lesser person here. Model 'responsible caring behaviour' to your kids now and seek revenge longer term 👿

I cant be/wont be cruel to animals or dc. That is a trait in me he regularly exploits. And if i have lost my temper and shouted ever, he uses that against me too. To make out what a horrible person i am.
So really there's no winning here by acting in a cold way. I won't act against my values, and that's my personal win. I wont abandon/sell/dump the dog my kids love to just anyone.

No, she needs to put herself, her kids, job and her pets first.

I can make whatever suggestion I want. The OP doesn’t have to take anything we say on board.

I would be putting the dog back in his house, taking a photo of said dog through the window. Texting him the photo and telling him you know he has left his dog alone and is planning on being away for 2 weeks. Deny dog ever being at yours to him and anyone else. Your texts saying you won’t care for said dog explain this and your “gut instinct” he would leave dog alone or do something abusive like that made you check on the house/dog. Text him telling him he has 12 hours to get on a plane home and look after his dog or you are calling the police to smash the window and rescue the dog. He is charged with neglect- you are the hero!

There is being firm and being a doormat your being a doormat you need to be firm you said no tell the kids no unless you want them to grow up just like him? Or are you afraid they will go to him if you say no? (Because honestly that would be the only thing that would make me be a doormat to my ex)

You can indeed, but people are going to point out when they're stupid and clearly show that you've not paid any attention.

Are you done now?

Dunno, have you got any more completely useless ideas to share?

@CfCfCftooMuch
You're a good person and I agree with your post in all respects.

He on the other hand is a low down b*stard.

Grow up 😘

Don’t abandon the blooming dog in an empty house, please. I know you’re angry at ex but it’ll suffer and die and be so distressed if it’s in a house alone for two weeks. It’s firework night/season, maybe just take it in , let it sleep in your kids room and see about shelters tomorrow. Poor thing.

Haven’t RTFT so apologies if I’m repeating what someone else has said.
And I hope I don’t come across in any way “victim blaming” because what your ex has done is downright disgusting.

You are wasting too much mental energy on this.
Take the dog to the nearest shelter and say you’ve found it abandoned. Text your ex and tell him what you have done and where he can find his dog upon his return. Then mute him on your phone, get an early night before your busy day tomorrow, and do not give it a second thought.