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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need help with my lazy partner

132 replies

Random111 · 04/11/2024 18:20

Hi everyone,
How do you cope with a lazy partner?
I really just need a hug at this point. Please be kind. I am so fed up and feel so exhausted.
We have 2 children, he feels like a 3rd. He does not cook and refuses to eat my meals because he wants to order a takeaway. He works in fast food so he eats takeaways all day everyday. I have told him this is possibly an addiction- he doesn’t want to know. He does not clean or help clean, or will huff if I ask him to do something. The house is overwhelmingly messy, and I can’t clean 24/7 with a new born. I have to ask him to do basic hygiene like brush his teeth or shower. He does not take the children out, or play with them unless I go out too and he is super strict on the eldest child in which is not biologically his( but he raised him).

If we talk about things I am upset with, he will either not say anything or tell me I tell him what to do all the time and tails to an argument.

He does work full time, yet will set off an hour before he starts (15 min drive) and will stay for up to an hour after his shift finishes. He will get up on a morning 40 minutes before his shift starts and head off. He hardly sees the children and I could have been up since 4/5 o'clock (am) at this point when he starts at 10/11am. He doesn’t contribute financially but boasts about all the money he’s earnt. How can I get it through to him that this is not right. Would you stay together just for the children or put yourself first? My eldest is old enough to know what is going on so I haveto be careful about what happens. Thankyou, please be kind I am at my wits end and feel very lonely.

OP posts:
Random111 · 04/11/2024 20:43

Thanks everyone. We will have a chat about where he will go. Thankyou.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 04/11/2024 20:48

Random111 · 04/11/2024 20:43

Thanks everyone. We will have a chat about where he will go. Thankyou.

Good luck

LetGoLetThem1234 · 04/11/2024 21:13

Starlightstarbright3 · 04/11/2024 19:53

I suggest you ask yourself the question what reasons are you staying together.

The only reason I read is guilt .

As for counselling etc … One thing I learnt is you cannot make a marriage / relationship work if only one person is trying .

You need to protect yourself and your children ..

^This.

Your husband has left your marriage in every sense except physically.

Not your fault @Random111.

He's behaving in a way that indicates that he no longer cares: about you, your wellbeing or the children.

Read back what your original post.

The marriage cannot be saved as you cannot save a marriage unilaterally.

This may not be what you are ready hear, or want to be told, and I can understand that.

It is better to know the truth than continue labouring under false hope.

gladpurpledog · 04/11/2024 21:15

Random111 · 04/11/2024 19:39

He was not like this when we decided to have baby 2.

I can not imagine having to remind someone to brush their teeth or have a shower. It’s not normal. It’s rank. Working in a fast food place and not shower or even brush your teeth. How can you stand him?

Richiewoo · 04/11/2024 21:17

I'd pack his bags and kick his arse out.

gladpurpledog · 04/11/2024 21:20

Richiewoo · 04/11/2024 21:17

I'd pack his bags and kick his arse out.

She won’t.

BestEffort · 04/11/2024 23:15

My father did nothing around the house and nothing with us kids. I grew up to then have relationships where men treated me the same and my brother is an absolute misogynistic arsehole. I hate to see people talk about staying together for the children in these situations bit damages the children!!

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