To feel pissed off with DH?

[LemonyMarathon]

This issue is niggling. Am I being a sulky perimenopausal cow, or do I have a point?

DH does lots of day to day stuff round the house (e.g., cooking, laundry), because he works very PT. I'm the main earner and work FT. He could earn more, but doesn't work many hours and very much values time not working. Fine. I knew he was like this when I met him (although it was pre-kids and I didn't understand implications).

He hates DIY, and it takes YONKS to get him to do anything, although he is also really reluctant to get someone in. He recently took 18 months to fit a curtain rail.

Anyway, this week, he announces he's spending most of a weekday (one of the few in which he usually works the full day) helping a mate out with some DIY. Fitting a curtain rail, in fact.

I'm just... fucked off. I feel like a right bitch - he's helping out a lovely mate. I just think this kind of takes the piss. AIBU?

Next time you just have to get someone in. He will be annoyed, it will hurt his manly pride. Big deal, maybe he'll get round quicker to the next thing.

this would piss me off too!

He is a lovely bloke, and he's always helping people out.
I just feel like I'm the one funding his generous hearted deeds, but don't get any of the satisfaction myself.

Yanbu. 18 months to fit a curtain rail is taking the raving piss. Especially as he works PT and you're FT. Does he do it on purpose, kind of like strategic incompetence? I'd be having words, shape up or fuck off

Does he do the main share of childcare?

He used to. The kids are teenagers now, and if anything, I do more.

Yeah I’d be annoyed by this. Ask his mate if he’ll come and do yours.

It is taking the piss, isn't it? Thank you for understanding. In the end, I asked him to do it on my birthday, as a birthday present, so he had to.

There's no question of leaving him, so can't really do ultimatums. I do love him, and he's a very good man. He's just... bloody irritating.

I'm feeling vindicated. Thank you.

Just get someone in to do the work. When he complains then tell him that you did this because he simply didn't do the job.

Haha, the thing is... the mate would do it! He's a very nice bloke. That's why I feel bad begrudging this.

But....why would you wait 18 months for him to fit a curtain rail? It's a very easy thing to learn to do yourself!

I can do this. But then I also feel cross, because I work so much more than DH (who has a LOT of time off - e.g., a day a week to play football), and I feel like he SHOULD do it....

Good idea about getting his friend to come along and do it.

It was complicated, to be fair. It involved working around some crumbling plaster. Also - I do feel like he should do it, because he works so much less than I do (and has building experience which I do not).

He’s a user though isn’t he .. living off your money so he can do his hobbies

So you have teenagers, he works extremely limited hours and pisses off to help his mates while you work FT and fund his lifestyle?

Fuck that.

This idea has actually made me laugh a lot. It would probably really piss DH off if I said "I'm just going to text Bob to ask if he'll replace a fence panel for me". I might just do it...

When he's done text the mate to come and help you!

Well, I suppose so... except that he argues that he would like to live much more cheaply than we do, so I could work fewer hours as well (e.g., have no car; smaller house).

He made doing an overdue chore your birthday present? Jesus. The bar is in hell.

There is a little bit of truth to this. But it is complicated, because he would like a lower-cost life (e.g., no car; no holidays abroad).

Haha, to be fair, he did also get me another, very nice, present.

YABU to consider his time as yours because you’re the higher earner.

But he's quite happy to sponge off you and enjoy the nice car and the holidays...

Honestly, he's done a right number on you by the sounds of it.