To feel pissed off with DH?

[LemonyMarathon]

This issue is niggling. Am I being a sulky perimenopausal cow, or do I have a point?

DH does lots of day to day stuff round the house (e.g., cooking, laundry), because he works very PT. I'm the main earner and work FT. He could earn more, but doesn't work many hours and very much values time not working. Fine. I knew he was like this when I met him (although it was pre-kids and I didn't understand implications).

He hates DIY, and it takes YONKS to get him to do anything, although he is also really reluctant to get someone in. He recently took 18 months to fit a curtain rail.

Anyway, this week, he announces he's spending most of a weekday (one of the few in which he usually works the full day) helping a mate out with some DIY. Fitting a curtain rail, in fact.

I'm just... fucked off. I feel like a right bitch - he's helping out a lovely mate. I just think this kind of takes the piss. AIBU?

Yep, I agree this is certainly one interpretation of the situation.

I'm sorry Op but when I read your first post I laughed out loud. I hope your birthday curtain pole is a thing of beauty

Except his partner..

He’s taking the piss by not working more rhan
the bare minimum.

So he is pretending that a low-cost, making-do, knit your own dishcloth et cetera lifestyle would suit him just fine?

But in the meantime he is living the easy, comfortable, M&S Foodhall, John Lewis rather than thrift-store life, not to mention the part-time working and couldn't possibly give up my hobbies life...... and I guess I'll come along on the foreign holidays...

Why are you putting up with this?

The problem is, he genuinely WOULD prefer that kind of lifestyle. Doesn't drive, doesn't have a mobile phone, cooks from scratch using whatever veg is in season.... and likes camping as favourite holiday. It's quite hard to argue :/

And would is current income support himself, plus allow him to rent/buy somewhere with enough space for his children, or would he find himself crashing down to earth if you wised up and kicked him out?

I mean, you're right that he does come on the holidays I sort out (every couple of years), and go on relatively expensive reunions with his family which I sometimes think "hmm" about, but in general, he walks the walk....

Good question. Yes, he would have to work more hours if I kicked him out. But then I'd struggle more financially, too

Also, the KIDS wouldn't want the lifestyle he'd choose

He has two children, he doesn't get the luxury of swanning around working as little as possible while you fund his lifestyle.

He's a cocklodger - let's be real.

How do you know it's 2?! Have you recognised me from RL?!
But yes, you do have a point

Do you pay for him to go on the relatively expensive reunions with his family?

Ah he’s one of those, it’s called White Knight syndrome, basks in the glory of helping out others with all their gratitude but totally ignores his family’s needs as there is no glory in it for him.

No, I just read "teens" and translated it as "two" in my head, lol.

At the end of the day he's not a single bloke with no responsibilities - he has a wife and children. He needs to sort himself out, frankly.

Genius advice! You should definitely do this!

We don't separate finances, so it's not that clear cut. But indirectly I suppose so.

Annoying, but if you love him and want to stay with him, you need to find a good handyman/woman and call them in whenever something needs doing. I wouldn't even bother to ask him, myself. You could mention that Sam is coming round next Friday to paint the utility room then see if DH decides to do it instead.

I take it as he's chosen to work very limited hours over the years then he's planning on living off your pension when you both retired as his will be as limited as his hours are.

You'll be spending the rest of your adult life funding the life he choses to live.

Also has he been living under a rock for the last few years?;I'm assuming he must have when he tells you that you could be living more cheaply as life is the most expensive to live in decades;everyone is struggling to an extent and he has the cheek not to up his hours especially when the kids are now teenagers.

You basically have a man child who's working very part time like a teenage boy whose mummy is footing the bill for his lifestyle.

You have a cocklodger who lives the live of Riley at your expense.

Blimey OP. If he ever decides he wants out of the marriage I wonder if he'll be happy to live his frugal life without taking 50% of what you have worked hard for.

We see these types a lot here unfortunately

Men who put themselves out for friends and extended family, everyone thinks "they're a great bloke, would do anything for anyone" - except his wife and children

This specimen is even worse because not only does he not do the jobs that would make your life easier, he doesn't even earn the £££ to make up for it.

He wants the glory and praise for doing it for someone else.

He doesn't want the boredom of doing it for himself.

From now on he and his mate should do all the required DIY in each others houses and they can both get the attention they crave.

Ah, as a guys perspective it’s quite simple. He’s helping his mate out, simply because he’s his mate and wants to impress him. At home, he procrastinates because that’s where he can relax. I’m not saying he’s right, he definitely isn’t and that amount of time procrastinating is ridiculous. The best thing I can suggest is for you and him to set a date and a promise. He promises to do the job/s on said date, or he can get a kick up the back side and deal with some cold treatment from the Mrs. Not something to rage about though, just make part of the promise that if he doesn’t do the job when he says he will, he has to pay for somebody to do it.

Come on, we’re talking about real people here. She knew the way he lived when she got together with him. Just an issue sprung up along the way, it’s no need to go into the future and make it seem like some gloomy impending doom.

Does he do most housework, make dinners?