To feel pissed off with DH?

[LemonyMarathon]

This issue is niggling. Am I being a sulky perimenopausal cow, or do I have a point?

DH does lots of day to day stuff round the house (e.g., cooking, laundry), because he works very PT. I'm the main earner and work FT. He could earn more, but doesn't work many hours and very much values time not working. Fine. I knew he was like this when I met him (although it was pre-kids and I didn't understand implications).

He hates DIY, and it takes YONKS to get him to do anything, although he is also really reluctant to get someone in. He recently took 18 months to fit a curtain rail.

Anyway, this week, he announces he's spending most of a weekday (one of the few in which he usually works the full day) helping a mate out with some DIY. Fitting a curtain rail, in fact.

I'm just... fucked off. I feel like a right bitch - he's helping out a lovely mate. I just think this kind of takes the piss. AIBU?

Yanbu

I think the point is here that for someone to be a SAHP/ very part time/ person of leisure it has to work for both parties and everyone has to be happy with it. That he can’t even be arsed to go to the tip and sort out kids appointments just says it all.

Doing you own DIY is stressful, if you make a big mistake you have to sort it out. Doing someone else's DIY is stress free.

Ditto if you get someone in. They're charging for the job. If they cock it up, it's your problem. Plus they have zero incentive to do it tidily.

So, rightly or wrongly, not wanting to get someone in, procrastinating over DIY, but being willing to help others is totally understandable.

Doesn't help you much!

He’s no more of a cocklodger than a woman who didn’t work/worked PT when the kids were younger but refuses to work more now they’re older. The answers are skewed because MN thinks it’s fine for women to do this but not men. If he was like this when you met, was the primary parent when they were younger and does 70% of household stuff now, then I can’t see what the issue is. Of course the higher earner is going to subsidise bigger outgoings, that’s the deal when you join finances.

I can see why you’re pissed off about the curtain rail though.

Any particular reason we’ve started this thread back up again from last year?

Procrastinating about it for 12 months before doing anything seems entirely in keeping with the topic.

Ha ha! Fair point lol. I saw it in trending, opened it up and reading the OP I was thinking of seen a very similar thread before…. Then I realised it was just the same one.

Why does Mumsnet randomly chuck old threads back into active? It happens too often
for it to be genuinely someone stumbling across an old thread and commenting on it without realising. And of course, once one person comments again, it goes back into active now…