To expect DH to finish work on time

[finishontimeffs]

Every time when he wfh it’s the same, I’m sat in the lounge for hours with kids screaming, fighting, won’t leave one another alone for a second while he’s sat in the next room ignoring us.

I know I’ll get lots of YABUs but it makes me irrationally angry. I’ve been at work myself and am fed up.

Go to the room he's in, knock once and then open the door and let the kids in the room. Tell them daddy has finished work and it's time for him to come and help with the kids.

Not everyone wants that set up though, some women don’t want a husband who taps of a lot of the care of their children or who puts their job before their wife’s. He can only sit on his laptop until 7 because OP stops to care for their joint children.

Mine are teenagers now so I do look back rather fondly but when you’re in the thick of it this kind of stuff is just really annoying. All hands on deck, then the evening when they kids are in bed is nicer and more relaxed, no?

Letting the kids in after 5 sounds good.

He's probably sat watching Netflix

Keep them in childcare an hour longer. Go for a coffee if you finished work already

I hear you on this - the days my husband wfh are infuriating because he similarly stays in the spare room working while I cook / entertain / start bath time.
Mine also get fed at nursery / after school but they do manage a light tea at home - would toast/banana/milk calm things down a bit? They sound tired and wanting you and you sound tired and wanting help/peace. At least they are quieter with banana to chew and you could have a cuppa at the table with them?

My only progress with the husband situation has been to try to increase communication around what time he will actually finish / letting me know if he caught up with something. And then me just not waiting for him - personally I feel less irritated if I act like it's a day that he is in the office.

But overall sending solidarity and hoping you're enjoying a day off

Is he the breadwinner? Is he getting stuff done so that he can leave on time on his office days and get home instead of working late? Is there a culture of being seen online after hours when working from home?

But do they want husbands that provide financially?

strangely you’ve not mentioned how sad it is that the dad to these children is actively avoiding spending this precious time with his children- just that mum is sad for not enjoying doing it all alone.

So it’s only women who should feel that way? Because you seem to feel it’s wrong that OP doesn’t feel the same as you, but don’t have any comment on the fact her partner doesn’t feel like it at all. Surely you’re not a misogynist and you’d expect fathers to be just as keen to spend this time with their children?

So women can provide for their family by working AND doing childcare, but men can’t?

I had a DH like that who was never home in the evenings (before the days of WFH) so never had much to do with the hard work of bringing up children but was "very hands on" to outsiders. I think if he had to work at home the office door would be permanently locked until he was ready to come out (as it is when he is doing his life admin "work" now).

How do you know the OP doesn't earn more than her DH?

I do..

Have you actually talked to him about this?

Personally I'd be agreeing with him setting him a time when he's officially finished. Then you can take off and do whatever you want to do.

Or - more aggressive! - I'd march into his office at 5.30 (if you think that's a reasonable end to his day) and tell him that you have an appointment/you're going to the gym/for a swim/for a walk and then just go and do that. Or even just go and sit in your car for an hour or so!

But if you don't tackle it with him, it will never stop.

(And I agree with you @finishontimeffs that these are the witching hours. That's why gin was invented.)

What does he do?

I can’t believe this is still going! 😂

@luckylavender god knows .. official title is something like technical manager. He designs things and talks to people about them. A lot.

He doesn’t keep an eye on time at all!

He actually decided at the last minute to wfh today and has walked on my clean floors and opened the dishwasher when it was running. I am sending him back to the office tomorrow!

why are your children screaming and fighting

Are we looking for self flagellation or an answer more meaningful than ‘because sometimes they are dicks’?

Do you know what year it is?

But he CAN'T help because he is WORKING.

Exactly, I also work quite long hours now the kids are older.

He’s working today, but he has gone for a haircut. So forgive me if I am a bit cynical!

Sounds like u need to improve yr parenting skills if yr kids rnt behaving, see if there are any u could book onto, often they r online, HV or GP should be able to help.

It really was a genuine question but sorry if it was annoying