To expect DH to finish work on time

[finishontimeffs]

Every time when he wfh it’s the same, I’m sat in the lounge for hours with kids screaming, fighting, won’t leave one another alone for a second while he’s sat in the next room ignoring us.

I know I’ll get lots of YABUs but it makes me irrationally angry. I’ve been at work myself and am fed up.

Open the door and encourage the kids in if it is past his finishing time. Pop head round the door, tell him you're off to [insert activity here] and leave him to it. Make it impossible for him to avoid being a father to his children.

I'm not suggesting that you keep them out from dusk till dawn. I assume your 3 and 1 year old finishes nursery before it gets dark. But, also a 3 year old and a 1 year old shouldn't be fighting each other. What are they doing at nursery with them that they are still so full of beans when they get home.

What hours does he actually need to work. Does he have flexibility eg log on earlier or shorter lunch.

If I were you, I would just get him to do a couple of pick ups a week and use that time for you to work a bit later - I bet you're rushing. A 30 min round trip isn't a biggie.

Or if you really don't want to, at least agree ahead of time that he needs to finish promptly twice a week to take charge with the kids.

He is taking you for granted.

DH can be a bit like this - right now I know he is dawdling at work because the kids have been grumpy sods lately. But I I don't mind that much because he does half the pick ups.

Haha.

Some of us just have kids who are full of beans

Mumsnet told me mine would be exhausted by nursery. They weren't. Exhausted by reception? No.. Exhausted by after school club? Fat chance.

My DH was like this until I got a full time job and he HAD to share the load.

They won’t leave one another alone, when I say fighting I don’t mean full on Tyson fury but squabbling, grabbing toys, wailing, getting in each others faces etc.

They are at nursery until 4, it’s 415 by the time we get out and it’s definitely getting dark then.

Ha tried that!

Same!

My husband works 6 hours away. At least he only has to walk into the next room. 😂😂

Sorry I know it's shit. Been there!!

@Oreyt when he’s in the office he often isn’t back until 9, and then sometimes works away. So that’s why it annoys me as when he IS there to help I feel like he SHOULD!

anyway I’m being grumpy I know … witching hour.

I think that i have had the lazy two kids!!

But, i can guarantee you that i wouldn't be sitting in a room for hours whilst my 3 and 1 year old fight, scream etc. It's hard but, if one of us are working then the other one has to pick up the slack.

You need to talk to him. He needs to take a turn and start his evenings earlier at home when he's wfh. Can he start his day earlier - so work 8-4 instead of 9-5?

And whilst you drop the kids off in the mornings what is he doing? Probably not starting work so he can finish promptly.

Is it genuine pressures of work, poor time management or an escape from parenting. I bet you know which one is it really.

Have a routine-

430- kids play toys while you get tea on
5- play with kids until tea ready
530 tea
6 tv/clean up
630 start bed time routine

If dh isn't getting off work till tea is done he can fly solo on bedtime while you catch up on work (or chil out)

@Bellaboo01 you make it sound like I’m sitting there watching them as they fight. It’s more just typical child behaviour - well, I think so anyway - they are playing then someone takes a toy off someone else or someone gets in someone’s way, read a book to one and the other wants to sit on your lap and then there’s pushing …

It is normal, I think so anyway, but exhausting and especially when I’m tired myself. And I can cope alone but when I KNOW dh is here and could help it’s infuriating!

We do @autienotnaughty but knowing what I’m doing doesn’t make it any less exhausting.

My husband was like this, when he went into the office he wouldn’t be home until 8pm+ and if he worked from home then he’d also work late, there was always an excuse - has to deal with overseas calls or has to check something, the checking of something always took up many hours. My children are now teens so I don’t need him to help out but he uses his home office not only as his office but his man cave where he will have various screens on doing his hobby and listening to sport…and checking something.

Nope, he wouldn't get away with that here! I'd be opening the door and letting the kids go in there.
I assume you've actually told him how much it pisses you off? What did he say?

Time to completely and epically lose your shit at him. He is deliberately skiving the most difficult part of the day, EVERY DAY irrespective of whether he is at home or in the office. Screw that.

The only get out of jail free card he has here is if you are rolling out of bed early doors, leaving the house early for work and leaving him ENTIRELY free to get the kids up and out the door to nursery/school so he doesn't start work until 9am because in many jobs 9-5 is the bare minimum.

How is it you are finished by 4pm? Shorter hours to accommodate his job or is he actually pulling his weight but escaping the witching hour as a consequence?

Is he actually working into the evening, or do you suspect that he’s reading the news, ordering stuff from Amazon, etc.? If so, then he’s definitely hiding and needs to help you.

You husband really works a zero hours contract where there is nothing he needs to do when not engaging with other people? OP I'm sorry, but I find this pretty unbelievable!

He presumably has jobs that are initiated by those meetings and calls which maybe he needs to finish after they've happened? He maybe finishes a meeting at 5pm and spends half an hour to an hour actioning stuff from that meeting?

Have you just said you need him at that time? Or have you actually asked him nicely what he is doing and whether he could be free to help you? Maybe he could arrange his work time around when the kid's most need their dad? I don't blame you for wanting the help, but honestly if I was him your attitude that I should help because you guessed I'd finished work, would piss me off hugely if I hadn't finished work at all!!

You might be right that he's leaving you to cope with the kids because he doesn't want to, but maybe he'd LOVE to help with the kids but can't because without doing that work, he wouldn't have done what he needs to do!

If he's not dropping off in the mornings, it is quite likely he could start earlier and finish earlier.

If he wanted to.

If he’s usually working till the evening when he is in the office is it likely that he is actually working into the evening when wfh?

Spot on. OP has every right to be angry and resentful