Staying with him after he sexted another woman

[OhWomanOhMan]

My bf and I have been together a year and a half, I love him and he loves me, we’ve been on holidays together and have the best times together. Recently I found out he had been sexting another woman briefly. I am sad, he accepted that he was wrong and says he has no idea why he did it, he wants to stay together and so do I. My friends say they’d never stay with a man who cheats. He says he won’t do it again. I love him too much and want to be with him forever to leave him, I don’t think I’ll ever meet a man who I love like him.

Whatever we say you are going to believe him, because you want to, whatever we say you are going to stay with him because you want to,
Good luck you're going to need it

"He says she's mentally unwell" is just a more elaborate "crazy ex" line. He's a cheat, he's pushing boundaries for what you'll tolerate, and putting the responsibility on her. It'll only get worse.

I really think that If you said it was sometime he knew but wasn't an ex that this could be resolved. I do believe some people deserve a second chance, but if they do the same again it's goodbye.
I personally couldn't do it.
However, with it being an ex, he went back again for a reason, I think that is not good 😢

@OhWomanOhMan, you’re in denial but you’ve been warned. You’ve seen the proof that this seedy guy is not loyal or monogamous. He enjoys playing games with women’s feelings, steals their agency/consent, and lies to get his jollies. I wouldn’t be able to look at his conniving face again, and I certainly wouldn’t allow him to be anywhere near my child.

Wake up and bin him.

Looking at your previous threads, you met this "man" at a very emotional time of your life, when you were already overwhelmed with the emotion of having your baby. It strikes me that you were - and still are - extremely vulnerable. This person that you're seeing is not the sort of man you will build a life with, nor is he the type of person you'd want around your child - particularly as they grow older and become more aware of things. I don't doubt you feel strongly for him, but this is not the person for you and it'll only end in heartbreak. Focus on yourself and your own little family unit - that's way more important than this absolute idiot.

Time to pick up your self respect and get rid of him. He won't change, and you'll be a right mug if you stay with him.

this was exactly my thought

Stop buying into his bullshit, you’re just embarrassing yourself. He hasn’t allowed you to meet her because he’s still sleeping with her, or at least he’s still keeping her on a hook, reeling her in when he’s bored.. it’s nothing to do with her so called mental illness (if that’s even real 🙄) and even if it was, he’s telling you he’s taking advantage of a woman so very mentally ill, she couldn’t cope with meeting, or even knowing about the existence of, a girlfriend of his. Get a grip, find your self respect and move on ffs.

I know she is mentally ill cos she stresses him out and upsets him everyday, apparently she is like that too always upset by him, for no reason. He says they haven’t slept together in years and he’s going to get help for what he did, he is going to therapy so he doesn’t do it again.

You do realise people can lie?

Stop focussing on what he's telling you, and start focussing on what you know.

You don't know that she's mentally ill, you know that he says she's mentally ill.

You know that he tells you she's mentally ill, and yet still sexts her.

You know that he tells you she's mentally ill, and yet hasn't applied for full custody of his child.

I have made some mistakes in my past, when I was too besotted by the idea of love to see the truth, haven't we all, but I am still blown away by how blind someone can be by what you're accepting here. Its mind blowing.

Can't be that bad if he's sexted her... I think your being taken for a mug if I'm honest, he's clearly lying to make her sound bad to help ease your mind.

His stressed because his trying to juggle two women without getting caught

Can't believe how low you've set your bar for acceptable behaviour in a relationship. How'd that happen?

Why have you even posted here? You don't want to listen to any of the advice people are giving you.

The facts are he sexted someone else. Someone who is 'besotted', doesn't do that. A besotted person would only have eyes for you.

The person he sexted is his ex-partner and mother of his child. This isn't someone he can just block and forget about.

And, he's claiming the ex is mentally ill. Which means he gets his kicks sexting his mentally vulnerable ex. (Or he's lying about her being mentally ill).

That's fucking gross. Why would you want to be with a man who gets turned on talking to his supposedly mentally unstable ex?

I personally couldn't forgive a random sexting, but I can see how some people could. However, I cannot see how anyone could possibly get past someone sexting their vulnerable ex. It's so many levels of betrayal.

And yet he’s sexting her and is willing to risk your whole relationship with him for a fraction of her attention and time. If you’ll believe his spiel, you’ll believe anything. I guess I’ll leave this thread now, there’s none so blind as those who won’t see.

Just can't help people who don't want to be helped...

Why would she have wanted this when she didn't know you were together?

He was leading her on, lying by omission about having a girlfriend, and there's a kid involved.

He's a messy little shitbag who enjoys having two women interested. Really low rent behaviour. I would take my leave.

I'm sure she was really "stressing him out" while he was having fun sexting a woman who he'd conveniently forgotten to tell about his new partner.

Open your eyes OP.

Edited as was wrong with dates, apologies.

Some couples can overcome cheating but it takes a lot of time and energy, counselling maybe, and usually the main motivations to even try would be if you have children, marriage and a mortgage together etc... Even though I understand you might feel heartbroken I believe it's actually easier to leave than to stay and you will get over the pain of it much more quickly if you leave.

2 years in, not married and with no children together I really wouldn't bother trying to get over this. It's not worth it in your situation. At 28 you have time and freedom to meet someone else.

This 💯

Have some self respect and dump him. He did it because he wanted to and thought he'd get away with it.

Has he started, booked or paid for any therapy yet?

Yes he’s booked it

Do you live together unsure if I’ve missed it.

But I just don’t see how you can trust he will actually be at therapy, that he hasn’t met up with her or others.

what is the therapy actually for? How to handle stress? As most men wouldn’t want to sext or have sex with a women who stresses them out. Kinda the last thing on their minds.