Staying with him after he sexted another woman

[OhWomanOhMan]

My bf and I have been together a year and a half, I love him and he loves me, we’ve been on holidays together and have the best times together. Recently I found out he had been sexting another woman briefly. I am sad, he accepted that he was wrong and says he has no idea why he did it, he wants to stay together and so do I. My friends say they’d never stay with a man who cheats. He says he won’t do it again. I love him too much and want to be with him forever to leave him, I don’t think I’ll ever meet a man who I love like him.

"It was his ex. He says she’s mentally unwell and he was stupid, although admits it was his fault as he said he was leading her on as she didn’t know he didn’t tell her he was in a relationship with me still."

How can she want to break up your relationship if she didn't know your relationship existed? I think it's far more likely that he is just using the scattergun approach to handing out excuses. He may have another, different excuse tomorrow.

As for "mentally unwell" - ah, the 'my ex is a crazy psycho' cliche! So often claimed, so rarely true. But let's pretend it's true - are you happy that he would manipulate such a vulnerable woman?

"I truly think he is besotted with me - we spend so much time together and he said he sees me in his life for a long long time. It was just sex with her, I know for a fact he doesn’t love her - that’s why I am willing to let it slide. I just cant let go of him after all our happy times together - I’m involved in his child’s life too."
Ah, this Prince Amongst Men has a child, as well as a mentally unwell ex. Is 'mentally unwell' ex the mother of his child? You know, the ex who wants to break up a relationship she doesn't know exists? Or is there another ex waiting in the wings? And how involved are you in this child's life? (I guess what I'm asking is, does this Prince Amongst Men delegate his parenting to whichever woman he is currently shagging?)

And "long, long time" - not 'forever' then?

Raise your standards @OhWomanOhMan. He is not a keeper.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt OP!

No one can say anything to @OhWomanOhMan to make her see reason. I don't know why she posted. I expect she hoped she'd get people saying that's all right babes, he clearly loves you sooooooo much. After all he wants to be with you for a long long time.

We'll be here when he breaks your heart. Again.

Low blow to say about his ex's mental health btw.

If he's besotted with you and spends lots of time with and wants to stay with you longterm, why does he also need to get 'just sex' somewhere else? And more importantly, why would he suddenly stop needing extra 'just sex'?
The last woman he had a relationship with, he appears to regard as stupid and he despises her for having a MH issue. What will he be saying about you?

Of course you should stay with him. I’d definitely have a baby with him too. It sounds like a Hollywood romance, you’re very lucky.

I'm sorry to be harsh.

He doesn't love you.
He will do it again.
And he says his ex is mentally unwell - so did he see that the opportunity to prey on her ? That's very cruel to her too.

Run !

OP, count the number of times you wrote "he says" in your comments. "He says" a lot of things, but what he DID was pursue his vulnerable ex-girlfriend in the hope she'd sleep with him while he was still in a relationship with you. He's a vile, lying cheater, but he's telling you what you want to hear so you'll keep having sex with him, too. A nasty piece of work, that one.

I know I sound stupid, I guess I’m trying to convince myself he’s different, he’s not like the other men who cheat. His ex is the mother of his child, he’s not allowed me to meet her though, due to her mental illness.

Embarrassing

Aye, of course that's why. Not because he's shit scared she'll spill the beans about his past behaviour and you'll see she's perfectly normal, or she'll slip up she's been shagging him.

Come on, OP. Get a hold of yourself. I've had kettles last longer than this relationship, and I've had some cheap kettles. If you're serious then listen and pay attention.

If you're just here to have people tell you he's worth staying for, you're in the wrong place. How old are you, by the way? I'm guessing 25 or younger.

I guess I’m just wondering if someone understands how I feel. I’m 28.

Oh come on. Stop thinking he's protecting you. He doesn't want you to meet her as she'll tell you the truth about him. I doubt she's mentally unwell either.

We do, because some of us have been there when we were young (or at least encountered men a fraction as bad as this). And we woke up and smelled the giant stinking rat, then ran.

You don't even have kids with him. Move on. No one is going to give you pity for letting some tosser walk all over you while you defend him!

Hoping this is a troll post, if you’ve wrote all this out and not realised how naive and gullible you have been, there’s no helping you. Sorry

He sounds gross. Sexting another woman, taking advantage of his mentally unwell ex, lying to her and not telling her about his gf so she'd sext him...

This isn't exactly the start of a big romance. Why put up with this?

PS - many many people understand and have been through a similar situation. You need to have some will power and self respect

You’ll be the “mentally unwell” ex he’s sexting soon enough, no doubt.

Stop loving him so much and start loving yourself a little bit more

OP - what is this "mental illness" that his ex supposedly has?

Doesn't it sound like a convenient cover for him not to introduce you to eachother?

Oh OP you really can't be THAT naive.

He's totally playing you and you can't see it.

He's being vile about the mother of his child and I'd put money on her not being 'mental' (oldest trick in the book that men use to manipulate naive women 'my ex was mental').

Wake up and open your eyes. He doesn't love you, he's saying all this so he can still have sex with you. I'd lay odds that he's having sex with his ex as well. I would definitely get an STI check if I were you.

Hang on, he sexted her yet she's mentally unwell?! Got yourself a real catch there OP!

'I truly think he is besotted with me - we spend so much time together and he said he sees me in his life for a long long time. It was just sex with her, I know for a fact he doesn’t love her - that’s why I am willing to let it slide. I just cant let go of him after all our happy times together - I’m involved in his child’s life too.'

I guarantee you that you will be the next one with mental health problems as he is in no way besotted with you!

If it wasn't so tragic it would be hilarious!

You're lined up to take care of his kid that's all.

I can't imagine why you think so little of yourself that you would put up with being treated like a doormat.

I promise you that he will NOT be faithful to you.

Having read all of your replies, I'm not sure what you're after from this thread?

Obvious rage bait is obvious.

Perhaps I could have put things more gently. You only have his word for it that his ex is mentally ill. Either he is the sort of person to be sexting a mentally ill woman and thus causing her more damage, or he’s the sort of person to be sexting his ex and lying to you about her mental illness to keep you apart. Either way, he is not a good person.

You are being extremely naive. He is not a good guy at all, and if you stick with him he’ll be telling the next woman he’s keeping a secret from you all about how you’re his mentally ill ex who can’t accept it’s over while telling you that he’s faithful and you’re still playing happy families. He’s not the first guy to come up with the unstable ex girlfriend story, and he won’t be the last.

The obvious thing to do if you’re in doubt is to contact the ex yourself and arrange to meet her. I bet she’s nowhere near as crazy as he says. She may also believe that you’re the new crazy girlfriend he can’t easily break up from, if she knows you exist at all.

Please, for your own sake, see this as the massive red flag everyone is telling you it is. This man will make you miserable in the long run if you keep him around.