Top Unis - am I missing something?

[OnTheRoll]

DD is in Year 13, predicted 3 A, already has an A from a language A Level she did last year, and 11 GCSEs all 8/9. Got a great work experience in her chosen field, lots of academic reading, etc., etc. Has been working very hard and aiming for a top uni.

The problem is, it seems that unless she gets into Oxbridge, there isn't a suitable option for her?

We are in SE so decided not to go for Durham/Edinburg as the travel is just too much, 5+ hours, and she would not be able to come home more than once a term. She would very much prefer a campus experience rather than a city uni which rules out LSE/UCL in London.

There are of course great options like Warwick, Bristol, Bath, Exeter. We visited and DD loved them and so did I.

But I cannot help thinking that if she were to go to one of those unis she didn't really need to spend that much time working, studying and sacrificing her free time. Does it make sense? Entry requirements in those unis in her subject are all quite lower than her current and predicted grades.

Would appreciate some perspective.

Do your dd has options, you don’t want to take them and are therefore suggesting what exactly… Warwick Exeter York? All closer than Durham to the south??!
Why would she be coming home a lot. Just stay up there?

DS is at Warwick and got four A*s at A level and eleven 9's at GCSE.

We lived in Cambridge and would have got a full bursary but he wasn't guaranteed a place and he didn't want to go to the interview. With Warwick it was straightforward.

Regarding travel, don't listen to people saying that you're being ridiculous. Five hours is fine for very independent young people and parents who don't have a nervous disposition (or empathy towards those who do). I find a 3 hour distance to be very challenging.

If they don’t have SEN or physical disabilities they should be independent and self-sufficient.

You can still be independent and self sufficient and enjoy coming home, of course.

She did need to work as hard. As an academic at one of the unis on the 'great' list, it matters.

Your DD has quite a limited and fixed way of thinking about her degree choices.

If she’s written off Oxford, Cambridge and any of the University of London colleges, then what you’ve listed are all excellent choices.

And as for not going to a university because she might only be able to come home once a term? again, this is rigid overthinking.

But I suspect you are over influencing your DD’s potential choices. Back off. Edinburgh is an excellent university as are the UoL colleges. And she has the predicted grades to make an application to Oxford or Cambridge a serious possibility if she wants to go for it.

YABU - it sounds as though your views are dominating her choices. That’s not acceptable.

My daughter was very bright. 11 x A at GCSE, 3x A, 1 x A at A level. She chose to go to Bristol. She wasn't the brightest one there...and their offer to her for an MA in Engineering was 2 x A* and 1 × A. She never thought it wasn't good enough for her and had a brilliant time. Uni is about the experience!

And she has the predicted grades to make an application to Oxford or Cambridge a serious possibility if she wants to go for it.

She has applied to Cambridge, just seems she's currently got imposter syndrome cold feet about going there if she gets an offer.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for a student to want to visit home from time to time and a fair few parents on MN with ND kids say that having their child not too far from their support at home is absolutely essential.

But the OP seems to want a Uni that's a) as prestigious as Oxbridge b) not London c) a campus d) within a couple of hours of home. Quality of teaching or student satisfaction regarding the particular course doesn't seem to be a consideration.

Like everything in life, it's a compromise, you can't have everything. Warwick sounds like it would fit the OP's bill but she seems to think it fails on a), goodness knows why.

Or she felt pressurised into doing it, and is trying to extract herself before it's too late.

The reason your DD should work that hard, even if she doesn't go to Oxbridge, is so that she'll be as highly educated as possible and will have the satisfaction of reaping the rewards of hard work.

If she ends up at Oxford or Cambridge, she’s unlikely to have much time to come back home anyway. The terms are only 8 weeks long, and very full and intense. Maybe she would thrive more at a university which has reading weeks built in?

I’m an Oxford graduate and now work in a RG university, and I’ve advised my own kids in line with many others on here: look at the course primarily, but also the flavour of the institution itself. Does your child feel comfortable there when they visit? That’s important. If they’re learning with ‘their tribe’, they will fly!

League tables should be avoided at all costs - the margins between rankings are very tight, and they are only as accurate as the available data (ie not very).

Regardless of where she ends up, there's nothing wrong with her having worked and done her best to get excellent grades.

You are incorrect. A lot of the lower ranked universities often provide better teaching.

My sister did Politics and History at Southampton. Nice Uni, campus life.

Oxbridge is the most prestigious but then I'd say Durham/Edinburgh/Warwick/York/Bath/Exeter/LSE/UCL much of a muchness to future employers. A bit course-dependent really. Adding things to the CV - SU/JCR roles, work experience etc will give more weight.

Look at the detail of what she's actually going to be studying- modules, lecturer areas of expertise etc. They'll all be slightly different. And the local area - will she be happy in the environment, is she likely to find the course interesting (because then she's more likely to thrive).

Yes, one of my friends got a 2 EE offer for Oxbridge after being interviewed. In 1982!!

Interestingly, a lot aren't.

Have you never met a nervous, unconfident 18 year old? Really?

I don't subscribe to the mumsnet mantra that all young people turn into self confident, independent, responsible and mature adults.

For the record, DD was a mature and self sufficient fresher, but loads arent.

I may be way off the mark here, but what about UEA?
Norwich is a lovely city and the campus is great, lots of trees, and near beautiful parks.

OP I'm not sold on the expectation of coming home mid-term. Isn't it pretty normal to stay there for the whole term? There is so much going on at uni.

The reality is that the SE is a bit remote from the rest of the country - not much about that geography can be changed.

Hi OP, speaking as Mum of two recent graduates, one Oxbridge and one from one of the unis you have mentioned.

Oxbridge child was the first in the family to get into Oxbridge and we were thrilled . There are positives of course but with hindsight we all agree it is far from the be all and end all. Terms are short and very intense and there is SO MUCH WORK. Naively I hadn't realised what a heavy workload there would be. Lovely friends were made, exciting opportunities were enjoyed but I can't say I would encourage the application if we had our time again. I am glad this child is resilient because the Oxbridge experience is tough and several friends didn't last the course.

Child 2 had a fantastic student experience in one of the unis you mention, had way more time for fun, got a good degree and career, partly down to the uni's excellent links with industry. Had the grades for Oxbridge but wanted a more vocational course and has no regrets.

Good luck to you and your DD; hope she has a happy and successful few years!

Exactly! DS is as independent as they come but still loves a trip home for some food and cat cuddles. Some very odd attitudes here.

Yeah. Either they don't have a very welcoming home, the kids are packed off miles away, or they are talking boĺlocks.

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this repeats another post.

OP, I wonder if your DD is actually one of those kids who would really benefit from a gap year (which doesn't have to mean travelling of course!). I wonder if it would give her time out of guided education to mature, to broaden her experiences, and to see if she might indeed feel comfortable a little further away than she currently thinks.

Going to uni is a big jump, it's not surprising if many teens get a bit scared about the enormity of leaving home at the same time as pushing forwards in their education. I think an extra year to learn about the world and themselves can be very beneficial for some.

So really it's not that there are no choices, it's really your daughter is ruling things out/ discarding real options, due to distance / campus etc.
If she is putting up her own barriers that will obviously reduce her options.
Very few people will get the perfect choice, there's usually a compromise of something.