To think all of these people can afford children they just don't want them

[Surgicalprecison]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g7x5kl5l8o

These articles on the BBC lately show me people's priorities in life have shifted, they don't want children enough to compromise on their current lifestyles.

I can only go off my own experience and the experiences of other people I know.

I had my first child despite being a young single mum and living at home with my parents. I wasn’t earning much and it was a struggle but I knew I wanted to be a mum and I made it work (admit I had family help in terms of living at home until I’d saved enough to move out).

I also know lots of people who in all honesty couldn’t really “afford” to have children but have done it anyway and things have worked out fine. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had kids bc they don’t think they can afford it, the two couples I know who have actively chosen not to have them have made their decision based on not having maternal feelings and also having tried and nothings happened and they don’t want to go down the ivf route.

I really think a lot of this “can’t afford children” rhetoric comes from people having higher expectations of what they want their lifestyle to be like nowadays (probably largely fuelled by social media and FOMO). People in wars have children, families on benefits have children.

I honestly think people who really want them have them and those who aren’t really arsed one way or the other don’t but sometimes blame it on COL etc as it’s a convenient excuse to shut people up who ask.

When you really want children you’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen, hence why people go through rounds of painful invasive ivf to have them.

I think people have become more selfish in general (not saying there’s anything wrong with that) and prioritise their lifestyle/wanting to eat out/have nice cars etc instead of the expense of children. Everyone’s expectations have risen to what they consider to be a decent way of living and that’s bound to affect birth rates. I also think the internet/SM/phones etc play a part. People are so hooked up to tech nowadays they probably wouldn’t want to get of Instagram or whatever in their spare time to go rock a crying baby! People had more downtime to be filled before the advent of SM etc - boredom leads to wanting change/new experiences (and more sex!) = more babies!

That's exactly what it is that bugs me. Thanks for finding the words

I cant think of anything worse or reason why i would want a child / children.
I choose not to have them and dont care if others want them.

They deserve someone who doesn't resent spending their money on them

Yes and what if they move out of London and then struggle with infertility. When I was buying 5 years ago everyone told me to buy in a commuter town and spend 5k a year commuting as I would get more for my money or move to the north for a 3 bed semi.

I am glad that I bought my London flat now that it turns out I have fertility issues (tbh had an inkling even at 26 cos I had 4 years of withdrawal method by then with no accidents despite 22% typical use failure rate).living in the north wouldn't magically help me have a baby, and most parts of the country have fewer nhs funded cycles than where I live. A 2 bed flat is optimal for us as a couple.

@Dollybantree I don’t really think having a child as a ‘young mum’ (assuming this means >21) living with your parents, and them supporting you, is really desirable for most people.

It’s then going to be incredibly difficult to get out of this situation and be financially independent in the longer term.

Selfishness is subjective. You think wanting a nicer quality of life is selfish. Others might argue having a child when you’ll struggle to support them is selfish.

I think it’s incredibly complicated for middle-income adults (<40 ish) to decide to have children when they can’t offer them a lifestyle like the one they had - and as another poster described above, will leave them living like a student. The high cost of housing and childcare is responsible for about 99% of the financial issue.

I'm late 20s buying a 2 bed flat in London

Maybe I'll have 1 in my 30s

People can not want kids for a range of reasons but cost is definitely one. Affordability is different for different people. I would love a second child, would love to give my daughter a sibling. The only thing stopping us is the cost. So, yes YABU to think that you know better.

Yep - we can easily afford kids. Less than £100,000 left on mortgage. Earn over £130000 between us. No interest whatsoever in having children.

The couple willing to adopt an older child have good reasoning. Adopters get no support financially so if they think they can only adopt a child who is older then fair play. Older children are the hardest to place so they won't be turned away. Them saying 'we would love to have adopted earlier and with younger child but we just couldn't afford it' is a very very sensible decision.

Why are people commenting that they don't want children? That's nothing to do with what OP is asking.

She's talking about people who say they want them, but say they can't afford them when she thinks they can. I don't happen to agree with her for the people in the article. But she's not saying "why don't people want children?" or "everyone who says they don't want children is lying".

Yes. And what's wrong with that? There's so much more to kids than finances. Especially for the primary caregiver

I thought the same as you when I read the article, OP.

If you don't want children for ANY reason, that is absolutely fine and great and 100% a valid choice. But then, why pretend that you would like them but can't afford them?

What's the point of that? It's like me claiming that I don't go to see football matches because of the cost of tickets, travelling difficulties, fears about hooliganism and drunks etc. - rather than just being honest and saying that the game bores me solid, so I have no interest in going whatsoever.

If you like/want something, go right out there for it; but if you're not interested, for whatever reason, just say that.

A teenager isn't going to be cheaper!

They already live in Wakefield - so whilst housing isn't an insignificant cost in life for anybody, it's hardly Knightsbridge, is it?

I think people are judgemental of those who don't have children. In fact I do lean towards having a child but not at going through countless rounds of ivf. There are lots of people who think I should adopt or go into debt for ivf rather than accepting that some things aren't meant to be. More so if there aren't even any fertility issues but rather lifestyle reasons

Migrant workers.

No maternity benefits. No healthcare. No childcare. No education or training.

They arrive in the UK as fully-formed and fully-functioning workers and taxpayers.

It makes far more financial sense to import labour.

If they really wanted a child they would live in a tent, wild camping for free in Scotland all year round, while working remotely.

Based on the young people I know, they don't want to compromise lifestyle to have children

Couldn’t agree more. There was a couple from Wakefield near where I live. On 60k per year…I can tell you that is plenty to raise a child round here, even with nursery fees - the only reason you wouldn’t is if you had crippling mortgage payments of £3k per month or something, but house prices fairly cheap round here tbh compared to the rest of tje
country. Most of the parents at my child school won’t be on anywhere near that much. It mentioned at the end of the article that she wasn’t maternal so suspect that is the reason (which is perfectly acceptable one!)

"Fantastically naive..." Absolutely. Adopting a child is NOTHING like creating a child, especially a child who is "past the childcare age". What's that? At best, when starting school? Adopting a 4/5 year is very different to adopting a, say, 2 year old. What a ridiculously flippant, ignorant comment from him!

I adore kids - I love babysitting, and babies just instantly settle with me, it's like my superpower! I can afford them, but I don't want my own.

The down sides of parenthood look awful.

But not wanting to compromise on lifestyle is a valid choice too.

It must be an unwillingness to not change their lifestyle to accommodate children or to just not want them then which is fair enough as £60k is a good wage up North.

I didn’t want children until I met the person I wanted to have them with. That didn’t mean I stayed celibate and didn’t have any relationships prior to that. I think quite a lot of people are like that but they can’t really say it in a news article unless they are single.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. Times have changed in the last 50 years - people travel more, alot more opportunities for all. Live the life you want, you only get one shot at it. Good on them for not buckling under pressure and doing what everyone else is doing. I loved my life pre-kids. I wouldn't change anything now but life changes when you have kids and despite what anyone says, you do have to make sacrifices and give up parts of your old life to make way for the new and that is not always easy. I found that. I had my dream career which I had always wanted to do since I was 12, worked so hard for it. Then had to give it up when I had my son. He has autism and I love him to bits but my life revolves around him now.