Would it annoy you if you kept getting visitors after 5pm on a Sunday

[phanjm]

In laws keep doing this recently and it's just not a great time.

Kids are 4 ( at school ) and 2.

They do so unannounced.

My sis and bro in law keep doing it as well, same time. But on a Saturday, which isn't as annoying.

When they show up answer the door and stand in the way so they can't enter. "Sorry but we're busy getting the kids sorted as we all have an early morning tomorrow. Why don't you come over next Sunday at 2 pm so you can see them when they're not tired."

Don't hint, be clear. And try being clear before you get too annoyed.

For people who don't have children of the same age it sounds like a perfect and even a respectful time to visit - enjoying the lunch, catching some time outside in the daylight and than meeting friends or family.

When I read the first post I felt so infuriated for you that they would just turn up unannounced, as that would drive me absolutely round the bend. But then as I read on and read about all the “hints” and things like one of them saying they’ll come tomorrow, and you just saying “what time?” I just thought… nooo OP you need to be former! Have any of these people ever asked you what time works for you? Or is it always just them calling the shots and telling you when they’re coming. I just couldn’t/wouldn’t stand for that. Knowing how much it riles you that they come around/after 5 on a Sunday, surely it was the PERFECT opportunity when one of them said yesterday that she’ll pop in today, for you to reply and say “brilliant, we’ll be home around 1-4, any time after 4 is tea, bath and bed so some point in that window of time would be great.” Easy. Non confrontational, no fuss, boundaries set.

I have two uncles who don’t get the whole protected family time on a Sunday afternoon / evening and seem
genuinely baffled at my frustrations. Frankly it’s just rude.

Well it wouldn’t occur to me that 5 pm is late as it’s still the afternoon and I don’t think anyone in my extended family eats dinner that early so you’ll just have to tell them outright OP.
I don’t mind close family or friends popping in, and if I was busy I’d just hand them a potato peeler/ get them doing bathtime or whatever!

Just keep to your schedule... Bath the dc. Pj's on. Ah well time dc were going to bed say goodnight to ils.. .. Nice of you to drop in .. Shame it's bed for school tomorrow... Better still leave them in the bathroom supervising. When they get soaked they might buggar off!! Dh needs to tell them straight..

Don't let them in? Make up an excuse

"The children love seeing you but I have to get them ready for bed at 6pm on a school night, so visiting at 5pm doesn't give them much time to see you. Can you come earlier?"

Yes it's annoying but you need to tell them as it's becoming a habit

It's not unannounced if your sis in law has told you in advance she is coming round?

I would hate that with children so young! It’s just not a good idea when they’re so little.

I don’t love getting uninvited guests at the best of times, but at least now mine are bigger it’s less of a hassle.

Yeah it wasn't unannounced today, but usually is.

My post wasn't just about today- but more a general pattern.

I don't mind that it's unannounced but would like it to be earlier.

It really depends who it is..I have friends I would happily have in with no notice at any time of day or night.

My ex's brother and wife used to do this. They would often turn up just as I was getting DC to bed then expect me to cook a meal for them. One time I was upstairs bathing the DC and couldn't just go down and let them in. Ex had fallen asleep on the sofa exhausted from work. They were knocking for at least half an. Ex never heard them knocking.

No need to be getting all in a kerfuffle, just communicate! I know it's difficult sometimes but just be clear, we love seeing you but can you come earlier in the day? and give us a text before you set off, so we know you're coming cheers!

I take it they don't have kids of their own? So they have no idea what it's like to need to get everything ready for the week ahead - in which case YABU not to communicate clearly with them. Do you often have trouble defining your boundaries? I used to be like this and it reflected through my whole life, until I got some counselling and learnt to be more assertive. You'll be doing your dd a massive service if you learn to communicate clearly.

When you heard they had announced their visit to your dd - then was the time for your DH to send them a message to say something like:
Hi SIL, Dd says you might be popping over, we'd love to see you 😊 any chance you can make it over by 3pm latest? Trying to get DD into a habit of getting everything ready for school at 5pm on a Sunday now, as otherwise it all goes a bit pear shaped 🤦‍♂️

I can't imaging offending people I love by doing that.

Why hint? Just say that 5pm is too late. All of this fuss caused by unclear or absent communication.

The first time they arrived at an awkward time I'd not accommodate them tbh, and make ot clear that while it's nice to see them this isn't a good time. I'd definitely suggest a more suitable time so they know they are welcome, just not now.

I couldn't be arsed to go out after 5pm on a Sunday - even less so be arsed with visitors then 😂

Yanbu.
Absolutely ridiculous time to visit, particularly as you are likely doing bed time on your own.

There is nothing wrong with asking for specific times and being clear with the windows of time that suit you.

Anyone with a bit of consideration isn't calling after 5 with young children in the house.

Spell it out that it winds them up too much and it doesn't suit you.

This is a DH problem. If you’ve told him you don’t want visitors at this time and he hasn’t sorted this for you then he’s being disrespectful. It’s not for you to keep his parents in check.

My DD made it very clear to me whilst pregnant that I couldn't just turn up, and have to wait for an invitation at a convenient time. To them. Harsh, but maybe you should ask politely not to come after 5.00 because of wind-down time, bath, bed etc