Would it annoy you if you kept getting visitors after 5pm on a Sunday

[phanjm]

In laws keep doing this recently and it's just not a great time.

Kids are 4 ( at school ) and 2.

They do so unannounced.

My sis and bro in law keep doing it as well, same time. But on a Saturday, which isn't as annoying.

This is actually blowing my mind that people would organise to visit someone and not say a time.

Surely the exchange goes.

"I'll pop over and see the kids tomorrow. "

"Sure what time ?"

" fiveish "

"Actually that's a bit close to bedtime. Can you come at three so she has time to play, and we can have a cuppa. "

Or similar.

I just can't imagine someone saying. I will come tomorrow, and not agreeing a time.

This. I don't know why people lie or get passive aggressive. Just talk to them!

Flipping heck, yes! In fact, unannounced visitors at any time are unacceptable. Just stop answering the door - and now the evenings are getting darker, you can draw the curtains too.

Did your s-I-l have a key to let herself in ?

Stop hinting and start saying, “Actually, Sunday is a school night, so it doesn’t work for us to have visitors after 4pm. X needs to start winding down quite early ready for a good night’s sleep.”

Are they being quite thoughtless? As in they want the whole day to do their own thing but then still want to see the DCs even if it's inconvenient?

If they are you need to get firmer about when they can come. Or even better - get DH to do it. Why does it have to be you when they're his family?

Stop hinting for the love of all that is holy.
god the wet lettucery is next level

Could they just be blissfully unaware that it's a bad time?

Explain to them how dinner bath time work in your house, they may just be clueless. Tell them why 5pm doesn't work and isn't going to work for you on an ongoing basis. They probably haven't thought about it.

I don’t do unannounced visits, ever.
I would literally move if this was happening to me 🤣
It’s widely known amongst my family and friends that you do not ever drop in unannounced on the Gubbins household. I also don’t make any plans for after 5pm on any day except Saturday-at a push Fridays too-but only for special occasions.
5pm is almost teatime, it’s my chill time on a Sunday.

I'd need to know a time as I wouldn't want to wait in all day. But 5pm would be a tricky one for us as we have a 3 year old and it's tea, bath and stories between 5 and 7. Not exciting relatives turning up!

It sounds like you just need to be a bit clearer in communication and firmer on boundaries. If you're happy for family to turn up unannounced that's great buy if there are actually preferable times, you just need to say. They won't know otherwise.

Yes. It's really rude to not agree a time in advance.
And anyone close who does pop round at that time should be roped into herding dc's into bath / pyjamas / storytime without hyping them up.

If there is a next time, don't just hint. If you feel you need an excuse, let them know DD has been tired since starting school and you are using the dark evenings to your advantage to get her settled earlier.

My SIL does this and it drives me irrationally crazy. I've stopped telling DC that she's coming because I don't know what time she'll arrive, shes lovely but non commital. I won't say anything though because it's just different routines, there's no ill-intent. The penny will drop if she has kids one day!

In future if its a Sunday ask if they can come in the morning as you have to get DC bathed and settled earlier for school next day and like it to be a relaxing few hours before bed time.

On a Wednesday, I'd send a message to SiL (and any of the other family members that rock up on Sundays) saying "Hi, just wanted to let you know that if you're thinking of visiting on Sunday, we'd be available up to 4pm for your visit. We can't have visitors after that time unfortunately as the kids get very excited waiting for your visit and upset when there is a no-show. We need time to unwind and prepare the kids for bed and school the following morning. Please let us know what time you're thinking of visiting. No worries if you don't want to visit on Sunday, just wanted to let you know. All the best"

As it's your SiL though, I'd be thinking that the message should come from your DH but you need to agree what you want to send between you.

My fil used to turn up at 6.45am on a Sunday morning because ‘you’re up anyway’ he always appeared with a carrier bag full of sweets Drove me crazy.

I’d take a 5pm visit over that anytime

No, PIL had one as we once asked them to wait in for a delivery when we were on holiday then they kept making excuses to keep it.
SIL just used to knock.

Often I'm alone with the kids on a Sunday. That's why I'm communicating with them

"5pm is a bit late but the kids love seeing you. - why not come at X time next Sunday then we can do Y?"

No tension required

Never explain never apologise

Is there a reason they prefer this time?

I don't know. I think they like to do their stuff in the day and then come at that time.

I find it mad people do this! I'm really close to my family and love to have them here, but none of us would just turn up without sending a text asking if the others were around/free for a visit. 9 times out of ten it's fine but some days are busier than others.

It does seem like it's happened so much that it's routine that they come over and now they don't give it a second thought. So I see both sides.

I'd probably just say you're up to your eyes on a Sunday getting ready for the week and can't give them your full attention, could they come over another day when things aren't so hectic. It's no big deal.

Sorry just to be clear, it should be no big deal for them, but less stress for you.

If they come round don't change the kid's routine, just delegate - SIL or MIL does bathtime, someone else gets story time etc. You put your feet up!

she told her yesterday on the phone that she'll be coming over today.

I would have asked/rung/text as soon as I had this information.

‘Hi Granny, X says you are planning to come round tomorrow-come at 11am, it will be lovely to see you’.

Same with SIL-if they are doing this regularly, I’d probably make a point of being out/in the bath when they came which forces the, ‘shall we make a mutually agreed time for you to come next time?!’ type conversation!