Paying to keep your child away from certain types of other children… I don’t understand?

[Reasonthis]

I’ve seen so many threads recently bashing people who use private school as a way to remove their child from an environment with other children who may be challenging, disruptive etc.

I am completely against private education for a whole host of reasons… but surely if you send your child to a state school, even then you hope they don’t mix with the ‘wrong’ types? Ie those who are disruptive, rude, aggressive etc? Surely you also want your child as far away as possible from that?

I am absolutely amazed that there is suggestion that kids should be around that environment as it’s ’real life’ and shouldn’t be segregated for example by private education . Are people actually saying they are ok with their children sharing a classroom with kids that really aren’t interested in learning and have no values instilled in them by their parents? I will forever use the state system but if I knew my children were mixing with other children who didn’t give a shit and were disruptive, I would do all I could to keep them away from it. Isn’t that just sensible?!

One of my motivations of not sending my kids to private school was to avoid some of the private school types 😁.
Some of my best friends did go to private school and they are obviously lovely but some of the most arrogant wankers I ever met are ex private school attendees. Can you imagine if your kids came home with somebody like Boris Johnson as a friend 😱

Well OP isn't it also just sensible to put a daughter in an all girls school because of the sexual assault statistics in mixed sex schools?

Isn't it also sensible to put a SEN kid in the private sector because the state system is shite for SEN kids?

These are the reasons I put my DD15 into the private sector. And no it's not ok for my DD to be around kids who don't know how to behave.

Well you do understand. What you mean to say is that you don't agree, or disapprove.

Which is not the same thing as not understanding, is it?

@Moonshiners 😂😂😂

This!

@KnottedTwine no what I am saying is why do people have a problem with it?! Surely it’s obvious nobody would want their child mixing with such disruption

@jeaux90 i agree. I just don’t understand why people have a problem with it!

Agreed.

Not all private school kids are angels.

The "bashing" is generally aimed at people who paint all private school children as eager to learn, hard working and well behaved, and all state school children as rude, disruptive, uninterested in learning and exhibiting challenging behaviour.

Whereas, of course, the reality is a lot more nuanced. And most children don't conform to these sterotypes.

The "real life" comments are because private school is a bit of a priviliged bubble. Most parents want their children to develop empathy and understanding that not everyone is as fortunate as they are (if they are fortunate). Looks at all the comments aimed at the previous Conservative government that they had no idea how ordinary people lived.
(Disclaimer - I of course realise some private school children are not priviliged and may be suffering abuse or coping with other difficulties. But they are by and large surrounded by people without money problems.)

Exactly.

Never seen this said myself, but having grown up on a sink estate I would pay to keep my child away from some of them if I could afford to. Not all by any means, and yes there are nasty, thieving children I'm sure in private schools too, and addicts and county lines operating. My school was a genuine cess pit, I have no doubts my brother would still be alive if he hadn't been exposed to some of the abbhorent people there.

Indeed.

I think when people make these wide eyed faux ‘I don’t understaaaand’ posts maybe they don’t understand but not in the way they think.

If I sent my children to the feeder secondary school, there is a good chance they would be assaulted on the bus, ignored in lessons, witness fights and bullying in lesson changeover time and as for learning anything, forget it.

They aren’t going there.

Posters will sneering say I must live in a rough area. I don’t. I live in a rural area, in a house I love and don’t want to move from (and anyway none of the secondary schools round here are very good.)

So we’ll send them private, and I hope it does keep them away from violence and misery, funny that.

People can be quite hypocritical when it comes to the difference between their principles and their choices for their children. That's not really a criticism - I'd do the same tbh. And some parents are very naïve and unaware of what goes on in schools (I'm a teacher).

Are you saying you think your dc are not in classes with any kids who are poorly-behaved or don't give a shit? Assuming they are secondary-school age and are at a non-selective school, it must be a very, very exceptional one.

I used to think private schools were mainly about exam results and behaviour, and for some people they are, but it is also true that I know people who literally want to keep their children away from poor people. They have raised their kids to believe that if they go on a bus the savage non-private school children will attack them. This is despite some hair raising stuff going on in their own schools!

I do see it creating a perception that they are different from the general population. I don't think it is positive for anyone, and I definitely think more mingling would help.

Having said that, we live in a very diverse area and I have always found it noticeable how all the different "types" stay glued to each other, presumably for emotional security, but it cteates an odd situation where different friend groups are visibly different in terms of race and culture. I suppose wealthy people are just doing the same thing on a larger scale.

Or you can just spend ££££ on a house in the right catchment for a good school where other parents have also paid £££££ for their houses, keeping the riff raff out 🙄

is that not basically paying to keep your children away from certain types, as you say…?

I think it’s a canard to say disruptive children don’t end up in private schools. They do. In practice they have similar reasons for acting up such as poor parenting, active neglect but these simply look different. The number of parents who effectively pay for a private school to manage their children is a minority but they are definitely there.

These children will often be going home to houses where there parents are not there or are not available. They will have staff to look after them. Upper middle class people have their own ways of being neglectful to their kids; and when they defend their behaviour they do so with the knowledge that their lifestyle as an adult depends on private schooling.

The worse children are always those where the parents are absent or uncaring. Doesn’t matter what the money is. It’s the parents attitude.

There was a widely reported recent case of a teenager who attacked two pupils and a teacher with a hammer when they were asleep. Boarders in a very expensive private school.

Going to secondary school was certainly a shock to the system after our lovely village infants and juniors. Plenty of nasty children and scumbag parents. Vaping, vandalism, bullying and assaults. The school does what they can but they are basically toothless.

DS hated it at first but I point out that it’s only for 5 years and he has found his niche with the arty and nerdy kids. None of the rough kids will go to the (extremely high performing) sixth form college (many of them drop out of school altogether before GCSEs), none of them will go to university - he will literally never have to interact with this class of person again unless he chooses to enter a profession that does so.

Bizarrely I can imagine a child Boris to be quite charming, friendly and bumbling. Happy to play with anyone, gets on with it type of child.

My met him when she was wasted on a late tube about 20yrs ago and said he humored and chatted to her for half an hour!

The thing is, it's a bit disingenuous (and frankly incorrect) to say that most or all parents who send their children to private schools are doing so to avoid poor children rather than to avoid poorly-behaved and unmotivated children. And it's a lot easier to say it if you know you can't afford private school anyway. I'm pretty sure that many parents who make this claim would actually do anything they could to get their child out of a school with bad behaviour problems if they suddenly found themselves financially able to do so. I say that as someone who has taught in state and private and sent my dc to the local state comprehensive.

I think it’s a canard to say disruptive children don’t end up in private schools. They do.

It's probably a lot easier to expel them though.

Is anyone saying nothing bad ever happens? Some comps are rough AF, it's just not seen as acceptable to acknowledge the truth.

I will forever use the state system but if I knew my children were mixing with other children who didn’t give a shit and were disruptive, I would do all I could to keep them away from it.

Like what?

Give up work and force them into home schooling?

I read this but struggle to believe it. The selling house price in my postcode area is apparently over £1M and yet the school still has plenty of disruptive kids from very rough/criminal families. Posh SE market town with two secondary schools. Ours is the ostensibly less rough one.