to let my 18yro just crack on?

[PermerlerErndersern]

After GCSEs my now 18yr ds left school to work a few shifts a week in a cafe. A levels would have been a struggle academically. I’d hoped he’d complete a qualification alongside this very part time work in the cafe but he doesn’t seem interested. I’ve said he needs to find something full time now. He’s now saying he wants to work in a local warehouse where his mate works. This is full time, but hours at 1pm to 10pm.

He’s already in a strange routine where he picks this mate up from work at 10pm and then they drive around for hours - going McDonald’s, 24hr gym, car meets etc. We have life 360 and I can see he’s where he says he’s been. This is almost every night and ds doesn’t get home until 1am-3am. They’re not doing anything wrong, but it worries me. I can’t really sleep soundly until he is home.

He then goes to bed, phones his gf, and they fall asleep on face time!!

My Dh has just had to go into his room to wake him up for his shift at the cafe (ds’s alarm isn’t working), the gf is sleeping on the phone on ds’s chest! We then hear him cracking open a can of monster - he’s clearly knackered.

He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s 18. But me and Dh are finding his routine unsettling. I’m worried if he takes this job in the warehouse it’ll cement this routine even further and he’ll have no motivation to move onwards and upwards.

How would you tackle this? Or do I leave him to it?!

Without English at GCSE a lot of courses and apprenticeships will be unavailable - many require a pass in English and Maths as the minimum requirement.

I’d leave him to it. He clearly isn’t suited to a classroom environment and he’s not motivated by the idea of a career. He’s only 18 - not all young people want to be go getters.

It’s great he’s found full time work he can get himself to and from. He will either thrive, in which case, great, or he’ll get bored, in which case he will have a reason to look for something more challenging.

But in the meantime he’s earning, he’s found work that allows him to be nocturnal, he has friends and a girlfriend and it sounds like he’s just fine.

No, you don't sound awful. I couldn't live like this. It's ok I think if you can't see it, such as when a child is at uni. I'd never sleep well, waiting for DC to come in, alive.

DS19 is also nocturnal left to his own devices. He now has to get up for work but when he was at sixth form the hours he kept were awful. He's another one that likes drives about with his mates at stupid o'clock. Must be a teenage boy thing.

Leave him to it.

My DS works nights. Shifts vary between 2 times and 5 times each week, so no weekly routine. He is mostly nocturnal.

Encourage him to think about higher education, but if you have an 18 year old with a work ethic, that's a good start.

That's your own issue though. It's totally normal behaviour for 18 year olds, I'd never want to limit mine enjoying himself because of anxieties that are my own.

If you can get him interested then do the level 2 functional skills English. It is more straightforward than the gcse.

I was the same at his age. I had a couple of GCSEs but no idea what I wanted other than to earn a bit of money so I could go to the pub. Had a job working all sorts of hours in a petrol station. Would finish at 11, go out until 3/4am. Get home and crash for a few hours then do it all again. I ended up doing ok for myself. It just took me a couple of years to figure out what to do with myself.

We had a chat about this a few days ago. But it looked online as though the college only offer it as a standalone course from 19. But we will look into it. He does want to get his English under his belt.

No part of this that I would tolerate, including the leaving school with one GCSE. I would kick any child of mine who behaved like this out of the house. But I am assuming a normal IQ, which means that only intense laziness can explain the 1 GCSE. Have you ever had his IQ tested?

Yes, I appreciate that but I'd still struggle with it. I'm not honestly sure it is normal. Not every night. But each to their own.

When he gets to 19, he might find an evening course to do English GCSE. 18 is tricky as he still falls into the NEET requirements and in a way it can limit options. 19 opens up other pathways.

My DS only has functional skills, so we have offered to take a GCSE course with him too, if he wants, so we are being taught the same as him and can then help with any assignments.

My DD (coincidentally doing level2 animal care this year) did FS English with a tutor last academic year. There are also online courses. Exams can be done online too.

Agree with @Createausername1970 thete is a hole in english funding before 19 if not at college.

My DS was pretty much nocturnal throughout university and his uni holidays. He’s now got an office job and has flipped overnight into a “normal’’ routine. I wouldn’t worry too much about it OP, it’s just the way these young folks are!

He’s in full time work. Encourage him to save a chunk of his wages. That’s all I’d advise.

Being nocturnal is normal at this age. You ask if you should just let him get on with it - I suspect you don't really have a choice since you can't force him to do anything, only make suggestions. He has a job - that's positive. He has friends and a girlfriend - that's positive. Some young people his age will be sat at home gaming, with no job or social contacts (other than maybe online).

He can decide later if he wants to do more job wise and I doubt evening work will suit him forever. He might also consider a level 3 course eventually - though he would need the English I think for that. The level 2 is otherwise considered equivalent to x amount of GCSEs (5?)

One of mine is early 20s, doesn't have maths GCSE (refused to do the third retake) and works a NMW job. Can't be persuaded to aim for anything else yet.

I also looked into this and they can only do maths and English (either GCSE or functional skills) as stand alone if they are over 19 as the government won’t fund it before then which is ridiculous IMO.

The nocturnal and aimless driving is pretty normal I'd say at that age.

But how is he financing the car, the gym, McDonalds etc from his very part time wage? Does he pitch in at home, do his own washing, cook, keep his room tidy? If you're financing his life with no plans for him to live independently, I'd be more concerned about that tbh.

Nocturnal pattern is very usual for teens, I think there's a biological reason for it.
As long as he gets up for work, even if you have to wake him up I'd try not to stress too much, eventually they grow out of it.
The Warehouse shift work may suit him right now, it's full time, fits in with his sleeping pattern and a friend works there, so right now it's not a bad option and sounds like he he has proactively applied for it and got it so he is motivated. It may be a rude awakening and he might discover warehouse work isn't for him so decide himself resitting maths and English(if needed) to get into an apprenticeship or college course is the way forward. But no matter what you say right now he will go his own way as he isn't ready to make that decision.
I would also want my DC to do an apprenticeship, have a job with prospects and have as good as qualifications as they are able, you arent awful you just want the best for him.
Congratulate about his new job but say if he ever decides to return to college /do an apprenticeship you will support him.
Keep an eye on local jobs /apprenticeships so you can flag anything up that might be good for him.

They can do it but you have to fund it.

@PermerlerErndersern we have similar with DS18 although he has now got a full time day time job. Left school at 16, only one GCSE.
We have to just let him get on with it but we have made it clear we won’t fund him, he’s always worked in some form. He needs to pay board now he’s working full time (we save this but he doesn’t know that). We won’t be responsible for waking him up (alarm doesn’t work you said, surely his mobile has an alarm!). You DS has obviously worked hard to pass his driving test, who is funding the car and insurance? DS has also paid for all that himself, we helped him out with a small amount he was short at first but any on going costs are up to him to cover.
Based on all of the above, we have decided to step back. Many kids of his age are say gaming 24/7. No job, no license, no car, no budgeting skills, at least he has these when he ready to join the adult world.

My 3 kids are chalk cheese and liquid! Oldest did 2 college courses and had to drop off medically when he was 18. He then meandered about for years doing a bit of this and that. Drove me mad at the time but I guess it was just a realisation he is very laksidasical and further education is not for everyone. We all need manual workers in the world. He now works full time in a warehouse. And loves it. Middle daughter tried apprenticeship. Didn't like it. Wanted a job. She now works full time in an online sweet shop and also does part time work from home in beauty. Loving life. Youngest has just applied for uni to be a primary school teacher.
Me and their father have always worked full time and worked hard to provide for us all. Used to drive us mad how unbothered they were but they all have found their place in time

But why? Why put that barrier up against kids wanting to at least get those qualifications? There was no indication anywhere what ‘funding’ it would actually be, all the local colleges just said no.
We did talk to some tutors about doing it as an independent entry but ideally I would have liked him to do functional skills rather than GCSE (ADHD, ASD & Dyslexic, just thought this might be more suitable).

I guess the government wants to use it as a lever to stay in education or something.

As I said we paid for a private tutor for DD then she did the actual exam at a small English for foreign language speakers centre. She needed to do it on paper, not online.