To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Oh dear, this is all becoming quite argumentative in a way I am not sure the OP, who is dealing with a distressing situation, would find helpful and may even find adds to her distress. Who among us has not made a decision they regretted with the benefit of hindsight. She has two children who I expect she is doing her best by while reeling from the difficult last couple of days. Arguing on here about whose fault it is and blaming OP for her predicament because she got pregnant before she frog-marched her partner up the aisle is not helpful. As my late Gran would say, and I know it's not always easy to do this, "if you can't say something nice or helpful, say nothing". I'm going to say my Gran had a point and wish the OP and her children well for the future.

I also think this thread has got quite argumentative and for someone posting here for support this is likely to drive them away. We all make mistakes in relationships and I know some of mine were driven by a need for stability and security on the back of a difficult childhood. I learnt some hard lessons before realised that unless I created my own security I’d always be vulnerable.
Wishing @YourRealBiscuit a safe and happy future ahead. Maybe consider shared ownership scheme as some will often accept a 5% deposit. Also think outside the box as a home doesn’t have to be bricks and mortar. I bought a narrowboat when I left my previous partner. I still have my boat although I no longer live on her. The lifestyle was great with an amazing sense of community.

@YourRealBiscuit If he says you are "Grabby" you should point out HE IS GRABBY
He let you sacrifice your career and youth to incubate and raise HIS children and then is happy to let you become homeless when he dies.

You are NOT asking for money or anything now, you are asking for shelter / somewhere to live after spending a significan amout of your lives together and HE IS DEAD - (so cannot spend his money).
If he dies next week who does he expect to raise his children to adulthood?

To not make provision for you and to deliberately make you homeless is the most grabby, arseholey selfish, mysogenistic thing I have heard this week.

Women are waking up to this. Its why the birth rate is dropping

Good luck Op!

@YourRealBiscuit I’ve been thinking about your situation lots, it’s just the unreasonableness of it all. As my Gran would have said, he’s ‘cut off his nose to spite his face’. If his fear was you having the benefit of any money after his death, surely detonating the family unit now will cost him more in the short term, that will be your revenge. I wish you well.

How does it possibly trap women? They are trapped because they have no rights at the moment.

How on earth is it removing choice? It is giving women the choice of leaving if they want to. At the moment they are trapped because they would get nothing if they left the co-habiting.

It is not trapping, it is giving women freedom. I have no idea what you are talking about but I can't be bothered to argue with you as you are talking absolute rubbish and not making any sense at all. Bye.

@coffesaveslives is spot on - it shouldn't be by default, you should have the choice to live with someone with no legal ties if you want to as we have now.

The current system allows everyone to choose whether to enter into a contract or not, it's a positive choice.

Wonder how many young women are reading this thread. Might make the birth rate plummet a little bit more

He should marry you for your own security because of the outdated laws in this Country!

Why are the laws outdated?

A legally binding financial contract should be an opt in contract, based on an agreement and understanding of the implications. Not something people drift into by virtue of living together. Couples have a choice of marriage, civil partnership, or a personalised contract based on various other legal agreements around money, property and children. The law is perfectly clear.

Let’s hope instead the marriage rate will go up, and births out of wedlock will go down!

You are assuming that young women will even want to date these kinds of men.

I completely agree @CarpetShampoo

Apologies if this has already been addressed - I've only skimmed the thread....

Surely if you split up then you will be entitled to 50% of all assets....?

No, because they aren't married. The OP isn't entitled to anything - not a sausage.

Marriage is a legal contract and offers various protections that cohabiting doesn't.

No. It depends on the law in the jurisdiction of the place the people involved live in and whether they are married or not.

Wow. It's 20 bloody 24 fgs. That's staggering.
I genuinely didn't realise that without marriage you would be left with nothing. Shocking.

I really hope you get sorted OP x

Unfortunately, a lot of women don't know this, then end up in a financially precarious position, just like the OP has.

It cuts both ways, though. If the woman is the higher earner it is in her interests not to be married.

He was 46 and you were 36 when you met. He just used you as a vehicle to bear his children. Hence, zero desire to marry you and have you in his will.

I'll say this again. It is much more complicated than - you're married, you get 50%, or you're not married and get nothing. It depends on the circumstances, whether there are children, and the law of the jurisdiction of the place people are in. For instance, laws differ in Scotland than from England &Wales. I think I'll have to unwatch this thread now because there are so many people posting as if they are legal experts when they aren't. To OP, good luck to you and your children.

@YourRealBiscuit I think you can calmly say, “I don’t want ‘all your money’ for myself; I do want a roof over my head until I die and I think 14 years’ worth of my time and being Mum to our kids is worthy of that - and if we’d had to pay for childcare it would have been very expensive” something to make that point. It’s about value of contribution.

This thread is just about the OP's situation.
She hasn't said that they have made any provision for her security. No life insurance, no pension benefit, nothing in trust for her or the children, no joint ownership of the property, there is no mortgage for her to be on or pay towards. So it appears that these particular circumstances leave the OP with no rights. Her partner is not intending to include her in his will.
So whatever laws or options apply to other couples in other places or circumstances aren't relevant here. We could list and discuss them all, but that wouldn't help the OP.

Thank you to those of you who are trying to protect me from the rather more brutal responses, but I am aware they are right.

First I was in love, secondly I thought love would change the situation, then I buried my head in raising the kids.

I guess after that, I was focussed on getting back into work and then gaining a career for myself finally.

it’s only now I’ve looked up really and my needs and values have changed and this has now happened and here we are.

i do see my part in it and I’m only thankful I have very small savings, but a start and that now I have a career rather than a little job.

i am thankful for having the chance to raise my kids like I did which I know not may do, but I now almost feel like I’m of the age that I’m thinking about growing old and it’s clear he doesn’t see our future together/my future after that as important.

if the shoe were on the other foot, I know with concrete certainty I’d be providing for him. I wouldn’t dream of leaving it to my kids before him, though that’s where I’d want it to end up on my death.

as some of you have hinted, I do wonder if there’s someone else or if not, if this is gearing up for someone else. It’s quite clear I’m not loved properly here as I really want to be and that’s the pivotal part for me.

it’s like my usefulness is up, the kids are older, no need to pretend to like me anymore!