To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Why would private client solicitors see clients with large estates to give them complex estate planning advice for free? Bizarre.

You need your own solicitor. His solicitor is not allowed to advise you, if I understand correctly.

Maybe that is part of his thinking?
Dd should care for him and will therefore have her inheritance. If she doesn't care for him, she loses her inheritance. And then she doesn't deserve it anyway.

OP, you should stay (assuming you still want to) but plan for your future. Buy the flat and pay your mortgage, rent it out and keep it for yourself for later.

I think he sounds completely misogynistic

His partner who has saved him a fortune on nursery fees/childcare/wraparound care, cleaning, cooking and all the other stuff that comes with raising children and looking after a home. He wants to discard after he has gone

He is leaving his house to his DS and money to Dd
However if he needs any sort of care then tge money is going to go first

So leaving his dd with nothing

I would start to live in reality.

I would be getting other work a few evenings and or a weekend day and asking him to pay for half the wraparound care bill for his children and take it in turns to drop off and pick up dc from childminder

I would be banking as much as possible and looking at houses to buy in secret

I would think it very suspicious that he has decided to write you out of his new will. He either is having an affair or about to have one or he is waiting till dc are at senior school and can look after themselves and is then going to dump you. Wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t try for full custody.

My friend was in your situation. Her DP dropped dead of a heart attack in his mid 50s. She wasn’t next of kin. Their kids were under 18. His estranged sister was next of kin for things like the funeral. If she hadn’t been a decent person she could have taken a fair whack of the estate, and had the funeral exactly how she wanted it. (He hadn’t left a will.)

No - OP would be named as the beneficiary under the life insurance. Life insurance does not pass under a will

Sorry, posted on wrong thread above

The thread you meant to post on sounds interesting Do you have a link please

Politely to ask, have you seen the Govt budget. People seem to be panicking (the wealthy parents?) This does not mean the OP shouldn't be catered for though. She's sacrified her ability to work to bring up their children. If they married, IHT rules are different. If the partner's parents are wealthy, could they be telling OP's partner what to do. Taking account of posts, I'd make an appointment with a good Solicitor for advice.

Personally I would leave sooner rather than later. Who wants to be looking after someone who couldn’t give a f*ck about you

You don’t know when he is going to get ill, be made redundant because he is getting older

Be in charge of your own life and bring up your children to embrace multi family living and sharing whatever their father leaves them in his will as the new will is grossly unfair not just to you but also to your dd

You would be leaving because he doesn’t love and has shown that every day of the last 14 years, since you gave up your careers and your promotion prospects and your pension and your chance to buy your own home so that HE could do all these things instead . So that he could acquire assets of £800k while you have £12k.

For some unknown reason you have been blind to that. But now you have seen it you can’t unsee it. So your relationship is over, isn’t it ?

Youd be leaving to build a future dor you and your kids. Because a man who can do this to his partner can do it to his children . He could change his will and leave it to anyone if he likes . You can’t trust a word he says.

You can do that without leaving your longtime partner and mother of your children, whom you resided with and jointly raised for all that time, without leaving said partner homeless and impoverished upon his own death.

Most solicitors do give first 30 minutes for free However giving advice and setting out what they can do for you are 2 different things.

Good golly. You earn more so maybe don't marry the person you love, want to build a life with and possibly have children with - because you earn more. I just can't understand that way of thinking. It depresses me that being paid more money would be a factor in a decision to marry, or not to

It is usual for wills to be reviewed and adjusted as life circumstances change

Agreed.

In any case...My husband earned more than I did when we got married. After we got married, I got a promotion and earned much more than he ever had.

This is really weird considering he's leaving everything to your joint children and there isn't a first family. The estate would go to your children eventually anyway, presumably, even if it came to you first. Most couples leave everything to the other one, and then it passes down to the kids. Does he think you would remarry and the estate would go to a new husband? Or does he think you would spend it all? You're a family and he needs to explain his reasons for leaving you out.

I was paid more than my husband when we married, had 2 children in quick succession, was demoted after 2nd maternity leave by way of a "reorganisation" after I went back part time, which was a disgrace (this was 1990). So he was paid more (hourly rate) at that point. I'd still not have decided whether to marry on basis of who was paid what.

Only bc men are more likely than women to go off with a younger model.

Women have to protect themselves. There have been so many threads on here where the woman has been the higher earner and are screwed when their husbands have an affair.

Precisely.

No, she can't see the same solicitor. They would be conflicted and couldn't use their knowledge of his business to advise on hers.

I think it makes huge sense for me to start saving really aggressively with a view to buy a house.

Yes. OP, sorry you've found yourself in his situation. But as you have, you need to look after your own interests - and fast.

You have a LISA that will just aboit cover a deposit. But you also need to pay stamp duty, conveyancing fees etc. And it's virtually impossible to get a mortgage that runs past state pension age, so you'll need a 15-year mortgage rather than a 20-or 25-year one - which means higher monthly payments. The longer you wait the worse this problem will get.

You say you have £6k in a pension. Is this a defined benefit pension (almost always public sector) or a standard defined contribution type with an invested pot?

If it's the former you're OK. Not a retirement in the lap of luxury, but you should be able to turn the heating on without worrying and have the odd small holiday. If it's the latter, that will give you an income of about £180 a year.

I really don’t know what he thinks, I’m going to try and talk to him again tonight after the kids have gone to bed.
His Dad is coming to dinner soon, if I was more confrontational I’d have it out with him there. That would tell me if it’s come from
his father or not but I won’t infront of the kids.

I expect when I bring it up I’ll be shut down immediately but I’m going to try and put my point across and the pointers raised here too.

I’ve got one standard life private pension and one NEST pension. My plan is to salary sacrifice my annual bonus into my private pension every year and use my monthly money to save up towards the deposit for a house.

Thank you for saying that about the solicitor. I'm in Scotland, so wasn't sure whether it was the same.

After my husband died, I got an email from my solicitor to say that DH's daughter had phoned to say that her cheque had bounced. (My knees nearly gave way at that - I thought that someone must have accessed the account.)

It turned out that the bank had stopped the cheque because they erroneously thought that I was being defrauded. I sorted it out with a lengthy phone call to the bank customer services department and then asked the solicitor to let the daughter know that she'd get her money within 10 working days.

The solicitor hadn't kept the daughter's phone number because he's not allowed to act for anyone else.

I went in the same day, gave the solicitor's secretary the number and asked that the office phone on my behalf. A bit convoluted, but that was how it had to be done.