To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

My late husband was a good bit older than me. He "didn't expect to become unwell." He became unwell.

He did make provision for me in his will, but he finished up retiring sooner than he'd expected and his care needs had a significant impact on our lives.

Fortunately, I had a decent job but I finished up retiring sooner than I wanted to - only two years, but it impacted my pension.

I think that some men just don't think that old age will happen to them.

You’ll just have to hope the children will allow you to live there once he goes (if he of course goes before you - not a given) I’m sure if your relationship with your children is good, they wouldn’t see you on the streets.

This. My husband was fit and in very good health...until he wasn't. I became his carer when I hit my late 40s. The first thing to go was my social life. Eventually, I went part-time for a year and then retired two years early. It's had a significant impact on my pension.

NB My husband did make a will in my favour.

So the kid would be 50 then...Why is this a problem? Most people are about that age when they inherit from their parents.

I'm assuming that the OP is in England. In Scotland a spouse would definitely have legal rights to inherit - no matter what's in the will. A long-term partner here could possibly also have legal rights.

Sounds like my ex boyfriend. Together for 10 years and lived in his house. He always had issues with money and was always very tight fisted. Like OP said as if I was out just to fleece him. I paid the bills, food, vacations etc while he paid the mortgage. He didn’t want get married either as “it’s just a piece of paper”. As many posters have said it is easy to sleep walk into this situation and not confront it due to the endless arguments it causes. I’m relieved I left before we had children. It was the discussion of children and a Will that was the nail in the coffin. He also kept saying nothing was going to happen to him and any Will would provide for our future children (and not me). Blinkers finally fell off then. He was not a nice person and I realised I would have been out of the street if something had happened to him. I left with next to nothing but met a wonderful kind and generous man. OP please start to save and look to leave and start again or make sure the Will lets you remain in the house for your lifetime at least. This man does not care about your feelings or what may happen to you. Ask yourself do you want to stay with someone like that for the rest of your life?

Rent free? She's been looking after the children.

I bet he was happy to take the other 1950s esque things like childcare and housework

Important to note that even if he does change his mind and provide for OP, there is absolutely nothing to stop him making another will anytime he wants to leave her out (again). OP will not know will she, unless she is the executor which I doubt very much.

I asked earlier who the executor is for that reason.

Very precarious and I wouldn't trust him.

Yes on the legal rights of spouses and some other relatives like children regardless of Will in Scotland. No on cohabitees. They might live with you but succession rights in Scotland can overturn Wills. England&Wales have different succession laws

Just wondering @YourRealBiscuit what was in the original will? What was his original intention? Perhaps have the conversation about 1. Letting you have lifetime tenancy in the home. 2. Splitting the assets and money equally between the 2 children.

If the concern is that the grandparents don't want you to have their money, then you can assure him that you don't want any of it and to just give it to the children directly.

If he is still not considering your feelings, then I think it tells you everything.

I would in the meantime, stay put, don't leave otherwise you will make yourself homeless plus you still have the kids to think about and buy somewhere small and manageable without him ( Don't tell him what you are doing) and then re-assess what you want to do later on. Dont waste money on him, and dont tell him anything about your earnings and financial position. Don't make rash decisions. He might realise he's been a d!ck and change his will and make provisions to include you at the Solicitors office.

You should still make financial provisions for yourself because you can never be too sure. You're still young enough to get a mortgage so don't be too disheartened. Just don't get a big mortgage, rent it out and save as best you can. Good luck and keep us updated. Everyone here is rooting for you.

No, no, no.

No normal child would "want their inheritance" to the detriment of their parent. In Scotland, children are automatically entitled to one third of the moveable estate (split among them). Very few actually claim that - they normally wait until the second parent has died (or set it aside in a separate bank account in order to avoid it being swallowed up in care costs at some point, but have it there for the remaining parent).

Some do grab it, but they're a-holes.

When a solicitor is involved, it's usual for a form to be issued, asking whether the child wishes to rescind or claim their legal rights.

I understand he wants to pass his assets to his kids

If the son gets the house and the daughter the money, if he inherits from his parents does that mean she would get that money as well ? It seems really odd to do it this way.

How does his father treat his mother with regards to finances ?

I'm sorry for your update, it's very worrying he suddenly wants to cut you out. It's a massive declaration of how he sees your relationship.

From now on you need to consider that you are on your own financially.

I know you’re simply reflecting what is still unfortunately the reality in many cases, but it’s depressing that this is the instinct rather than: “teach girls they can and should have a career, and that there is no reason they need to give it up if they become mothers, and teach boys that it’s old fashioned and frowned upon not to be equal partners and parents”.

I honestly don’t know anyone in real life who ‘sacrifices her career and earning potential to raise his children and run his home’. That goes for low-earning women, who still need a wage for the family income, or high-earning women who on top of needing their wage have no desire to give up their careers and prospects to be SAHM.

I am very sorry OP that are being treated in this way. Please keep in mind a will can be easily changed. What he can show you one day to please you, he can change without your knowledge.

Make sure any of your pension and any of your money is written down for your children, you don’t have to tell him.

I wonder if this whole thing is actually about his parents inheritance. He wants that to go to his kids after him (or instead of him) and it has all got conflated into one big mess. Is he an only child?
I entirely agree with everyone who has said that he should be protecting his partner, but MN does have a habit of assuming the worst of men, so considering he is going with his father, it leads me to question whether the two are interlinked, given that you say his parents are wealthy. His parents could well want their life savings to go to their direct descendants and not to a partner.

Greed? The OP might become homeless and you're accusing her of greed?! Unreal!

Possibly - but the OP should still be given the right to remain in the house plus an amount of money which would allow her to be comfortable.

Sorry but I really don’t understand this “passing the inheritance to the kids” at the expense of the other partner?! I don’t know anyone that would think it normal to inherit substantive amounts on the first death leaving the surviving spouse or partner destitute. It’s not normal.

I wouldn’t risk staying with anyone who could potentially leave me in such a precarious and vulnerable position and would rather be on my own than in a relationship where the writing is so clearly on the wall. If your partner continues to avoid making provision for you and is unrealistic enough to think nothing will
happen to them you need to start taking charge of your future. Sixty isn’t old but it’s not young either and sadly it’s the age where a lot of men start having long term health problems.

In England it’s FAR more tax efficient to leave to spouse not children. There is literally a spousal exemption so the above poster saying it’s preferable to leave to kids is totally wrong. Appreciate this doesnt apply to op.

Plus if you gift to kids and need care you risk breaching the capital deprivation rules and the LA can claw that back.

Maybe see the same solicitor separately. They will usually give one free consultation. Express your concerns and your incomprehension and ask for advice. It would obviously be better for you and the kids if you were married and he left everything above the IHT-free threshold to you. Otherwise 40% of that goes to HMRC for no reason. Failing that, ask about reasonable provision given that you are dependent on the house you live in with him. There have been successful cases of wills overturned where financial dependency has been demonstrated and a lack of reasonable provision made.

@YourRealBiscuit if you stay with this man / he stays with you, I hope you've developed tunnel vision.

Your focus now has to be on cementing your financial position. I wouldn't even encourage you to leave until you've built a comfortable amount of savings/pension and investments.

He's unlikely to marry you if he's gotten away with not doing it for so long and you're afraid of advocating for yourself.

The only actions you can control are your own - build your finances.