To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

This could be a possibility, with the age gap and all. If he dies and new hubby marries her and she dies, her kids get NOTHING!!!!! He's seeing the long game. Maybe he should set up a trust or have the house as 'Tenants in Common' in such a case, if he dies his wife (and therefore new future husband) is only entitled to half, this will guarantee his kids gets 50% of the house. (That is my understanding)

Wishing you the best in your discussions today with your DH. I hope you can get to the bottom of what's going on and what his intentions / expectations are. I'm surprised he even told you he was amending his will, if his intention was to remove you.

The house can be sold for that too as the OP has no financial interest in it

So she could be out on the street even sooner

We bought our house from a family where the elderly dad (sole owner) had died, and left everything in equal parts to his elderly wife and grown up children. It was a really slow purchase because the mum and children had to agree on everything between them and they all fell out very badly. Some wanted to sell and some didn’t etc. By the time the sale went through we felt quite sad about it, that it could all have been avoided if the owner had left everything to his wife and she could have sold it, made her own decisions, and would have left everything to the children further down the line anyway.

Why is the MN default to break up what might be an otherwise happy family? It needs honest discussion, not separation.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I don't think that's on. My Dad has been very upfront to us, his children, that he's leaving his share of the house to us, but that our stepmother gets to live in it for the rest of her life first.

He can protect the kid's inheritance and look after you at the same time.

What you need is an appointment with a solicitor ASAP.

So you were good enough to live with for 14 years, have his children and (I assume) run his home, but not good enough to split finances properly or have security after he’s passed away? May I ask how do you split finances - how do you pay bills and things for the kids? How did you fund yourself when on maternity and working part time?
Your partner needs to realise that this isn’t about you being a money grabber or trying to steal his assets - it’s about equality and the whole family having financial security. You are just as entitled to security as your partner and your children.

and as a pp pointed out there are inheritance tax implications if you aren’t married - and incentives for you to get married so your children get everything by they are entitled to in their inheritance.

As above.

Solicitor ASAP...

How did you find out about his proposal to leave you out of the will? Did he just coldly come out and say it? Did he give you any reason for this?

Or did you just find out in other ways. I'm asking because if he told you he is cutting you out, well that shows the type of man he is, and he is obviously taking delight in his actions towards you.

He seems to think you are "grabby", when in fact it is HE who is the tightwad and an uncaring bstard.

I'd be coy and squirrel away everything I could and leave as soon as you have enough to have a bit of security. I'm sure he will love the idea of his kids living in a one bed flat (fine for you on your own of course, that's no problem). I wonder what he will do when you do leave, where will the kids go?

Lots to think about and my heart goes out to you. Prepare yourself financially anyway, no matter what happens.

Yes, I would insist on this.

Because they're clearly not a happy family if he's planning on removing her from his will and potentially leaving her homeless and destitute

A decent practitioner does not blindly follow the clients wishes.

Its your job to lay out all the pitfalls and benefits and give advice: some follow and some don’t.

The tax consequences of some decisions are dire. And lots of GP style solicitors (do a bit of everything) are not up to date on the law and the tax position. I’ve seen a few recently where over a £100k tax would have been lost due to a trust being left for someone who would have very little benefit.

Everyone needs to see someone educated to at least STEP full membership level if they have any complications at all.

GET A PHOTO OF THE ORIGINAL WILL.

OP, don't make any rash decisions, that is the important thing.
It is actually great that you now have a full heads up to his duplicity.
Far better you know all of this now than 10 years from now.
He is a very sneaky man that is for sure.

This will now bd the perfect reason to give your children for the split.
This is not a good man.
Be glad you know the truth.

I can't believe how he's willing to do that to you after everything and the time youve been together wow
Ultimately only you can decide if you want to leave no one can tell you if you should or not I would in these circumstances but not without saving alot more

Firstly I would get him to pay for everything well most things and save as much as you can
It's selfish him leaving you absolutely nothing to be honest

The harsh truth is the intestacy position is similar to the will be proposes, there is no legal redress other than adequate provision.

He’s clearly not a nice man and is not planning to spend the rest of his life with her. Worse, he does not care if she is destitute when he dies.

This is not a loving, family relationship that did not need formalising. This is someone keeping their ducks intact so they can move on if they wish, or someone who does not care for the OP at all.

He's hardly pushing up daisies. He could have another 30 years to go if not more.

I know quite a few couples who are not married but have wills that reflect the position they would be in as if they were married . Your DP could make the will so that you can live in it until your children reach a sensitive age ( ie not as soon as they reach 18)

And I am my father’s child, he’s still managed to disinherit me in place of a current spouse. Something my mother could have prevented had she left her assets to her children and not him.

It’s exactly the same situation and I understand why OP’s partner has done what he’s done.

I don’t understand though and think OP is within her rights to be upset that he’s left no provision for her at all.

That is a fair point. I am not sure if in that scenario that would happen. I think there is a lot more legal nuances. However, you are right, it is not a perfect system. There is no such thing as a perfect system created by humans that I am aware of.

It doesn’t change my opinion about marriage and I still do think that long term partners who have lived together for many years should have the same protections as married couples, especially when they share children and are a family unit.

What’s rubbish? She’s right.

I'm sorry op.
I know what it's like to be married to someone like this, and made to feel 'grabby' when they were getting so much from the partnership but ultimately they had the upper hand financially.

Please address this, it's clear he's decided to disinherit you, but at least you know and can make plans to look after yourself and not end up being his carer when the time comes. You're only fifty you could start again if you needed to.

Did you not read the whole thread before commenting? OP was in the will but now being removed - DP didn't discuss it with her. Does that sound like an otherwise happy family? Additionally I said set yourself up ie get a source of income

Of course he can't compel him, but he should advise him.

Kids or no kids, OP should have looked after herself more.

That in turn would have secured the kids future fairly and avoided the mental toll of comparing what they've been left or how to handle having a homeless mother.

Security shouldn't be based on whether you had kids with him, saved on childcare etc.
Marriage does that.

OP didn't push for it and now paying the price.

Not rubbing it in, but childless women should be pushing for marriage too, especially if there's an imbalance.

At least you have kids who will hopefully help if he did leave you with nothing.

Compare to a childless couple having him leave it all to some charity or his siblings.