To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

[Beautifulweeds]

Genuine question, arose in conservation today. An in law has 3 DC from 3 different Dads and is only 25 and is a single Mum to them. Their Dads are going about their normal lives, including sleeping with other women (probably more pregnancies) and don't have much to with their children. She's not the most invested Mum (meaning not at all) has to live off UC, leaves her kids with grandparents, who in reality look after them.

She has met another new fella, doesn't take precautions (oh I keep forgetting to take the pill) and it won't be long before she has another baby.

So, I guess my question was...hopefully you would learn from experience that you can and should take responsibility? Guidance doesn't always work, so same old patten repeated...meet someone, get pregnant, let someone else look after baby...taken away...fostering...adoption.

We've tried to help and intervene but a brick wall. X

I don’t understand these kinds of life choices. Nothing is gained aside from increased impoverishment. It certainly does not benefit the children. She isn’t thinking logically so reasoning won’t work. Best just to be there for her emotionally when needed (and within reason).

Did you mean to NOT understand in your title?

I don't understand it because for me it would be an absolute ball ache. I couldn't cope with having to manage 3 baby daddies.

I do think about what some people have endured, what they've grown up in, what they've learnt in that environment and therefore what template has been set in their mind. I'm not for parent blaming, but this sort of approach comes from somewhere. A desperate hope that this one will give her the little family dynamic she always wanted maybe? But the reality isn't working that way because she's picking or drawn to unavailable men and does not even realise it.

I don't know. I think things are often more complex and multi layered than we like to think.

I mean, to answer your question, there could be reasons ranging from purely being totally feckless and having a touching faith in other people's ability to pick up your responsibility, to having some tragedy in younger life and horrible loss that you tried to fill with having babies to experience the love otherwise missing or lost. I think you probably all need her to just stop though, whatever the reason is.

Her body her choice?

But the grandparents are picking up the slack, so "her body her choice" isn't a valid argument.

Apparently lots of short term, sequential sexual relationships has been labeled by those who study such behaviour.

I would give her a wide berth, if I were you OP.

Again, other people’s choices. The OP doesn’t get a say in how other people behave, whether that’s recklessly reproducing with a string of unsuitable men, or being the grandparents picking up the slack over and over. If she’s likely to produce several more babies, if she had three and is only 25, at some point her parents will run out of capacity, and some of her children will end up in the care system, which may act as a wake-up call. Or not, obviously.

Some women are just the desperate sort that think having a baby is a way to show love/a way to keep their partner. They tend to love being with men more than they like actually having/looking after their children.

So what do you suggest? Enforced sterilisation?

The grandparents have a choice. They don't have to do the childcare.

I'm just not sure what the point of this thread is to be honest.

Why is your question about women when it could just as easily apply to men?

The obvious answer is that some people, for a wide and complex variety of reasons, have very poor impulse control/executive function/ability to pair choice with consequence, etc etc.

There are many people out there who simply can’t receive good advice.

They are not all out having babies, many of them are busy fucking up their own lives and those of others through making shitty choices in the realms of financial irresponsibility, substance misuse, illegal activities, abusive behaviours, at-work negligence and so on.

I suggest OP keeps herself safe and we the mug taxpayers get ready for the crime/SS tax bill.

Lack of intelligence and people enabling those bad choices

I don't think my answer will be popular, but, I honestly believe it comes down to low IQ. Anybody with average intelligence understands the need to be with a partner, settled, and financially secure before purposefully bringing a baby into the world. Of course I'm generally speaking there; I know some women do it on their own purposely and don't need/want a partner, but from my experience, those women who do it alone (with donors) have generally made themselves financially secure beforehand.

I feel that those with lower intelligence don't think through anything more than the immediate pleasure of sex. They don't apply any thinking to that night creating a life, the cost of that life, the nourishment and nurture that little person needs to become a well-balanced individual.

I can take one child being conceived unintentionally, but when it becomes a repeated pattern, it's just poor choice.

They’re insecure
They lack a solid family upbringing of their own
Their own father was absent
They're desperate to be loved
They are of below average intelligence
They like the child benefits

What’s your actual question OP?

OP there are two types of people who end up homeless and the reasons are personality disorders and severe depression.

Psychopaths do not just destroy others they destroy themselves as they lack fear.

As Peterson said sequential short term sexual relationships are the behaviour of a personality disordered individual, as they eventually become one from the behaviour if they didn't start out as one. The definition of a Psychopath is someone who uses others for personal gain, they lack a good long term strategy as they live on whyms.

I always wonder this. Surely you'd learn from the first time or at least the second. Lots of contraception options available and it's unfair to bring babies willy nilly into unstable and unsuitable situations. There's no excuse.

Some people really don't see it as a big deal. Mostly men. I don't know if it would be fair to say that the women think they can change the men?!

I have a friend of a friend who was talking about having a baby with his new gf and I said something along the lines of it being new and might not last (very politely put at the time) and he said yeah it might not but that's how it is sometimes. He only has one kid and is touching 40 but I was annoyed that some poor kid could be crying their dad isn't about and he can't see it being a problem.

I used to have young friends who always said they were allergic to contraception and seemed to pop kids out but when they grew up a bit realised it was actually a lot of work and magically found something that worked for them.

I grew up in an impoverished area with a lot of families on benefits and drugs. Sounds harsh but it isn't so common outside of areas like that.

I also think there's a lot of waste of space men about and it would be easy to have three long term relationships and have kids with each - then see the real them or it just not work out.

there’s a woman at my kids school like this, 6 kids 3 different dads only 30 years old, it’s also obvious that they have different fathers as some are mixed and some are white so can’t even pass for full siblings. very small gap between each child as her oldest has only just started secondary this year so wasted no time between having another i try to not judge but i really don’t understand it.

None of this fits with the grandparents miraculously stepping up to care for the babies though.

Other people are being affected too.

Yes sometimes a one off is a genuine mistake or non consensual.

Back in the day, I can understand why they locked the second group up in insane asylums, it would have been cheaper and caused less social harm.

Multiple partners suggests that you have a pair of psychopaths breeding other psychopaths, not that anyone asks to be born.

I don't think such women set our wanting children by multiple men, none of whom take any responsibility (emotional and financial) or interest in their offspring,

I feel desperately sorry for the women left with the burden and responsibility. I feel utter contempt for the selfish, irresponsible males who feel no duty of care towards their own children,

Mental health and adverse childhood experiences.

It's presumably not the choice of the grandparents?? It's wholly irresponsible, and I don't understand it one bit. I have a 25 year old. She got good A levels, moved away from home for uni, did internships in her field in London for a year, then worked and saved money to study in Europe. Nearing the end of her course and has achieved so much, and we're hopeful that she will be successful in her chosen industry.

I would feel we had failed if she had produced multiple children with unreliable men.