To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

[Beautifulweeds]

Genuine question, arose in conservation today. An in law has 3 DC from 3 different Dads and is only 25 and is a single Mum to them. Their Dads are going about their normal lives, including sleeping with other women (probably more pregnancies) and don't have much to with their children. She's not the most invested Mum (meaning not at all) has to live off UC, leaves her kids with grandparents, who in reality look after them.

She has met another new fella, doesn't take precautions (oh I keep forgetting to take the pill) and it won't be long before she has another baby.

So, I guess my question was...hopefully you would learn from experience that you can and should take responsibility? Guidance doesn't always work, so same old patten repeated...meet someone, get pregnant, let someone else look after baby...taken away...fostering...adoption.

We've tried to help and intervene but a brick wall. X

It's not really a choice, if they don't want to see their own grandchildren go into care, and they can't stop their daughter getting pregnant. That would be my nightmare. I still work FT and even when I retire, it's not to provide childcare to my offspring. It's literally the only time in my life that will be for me!

@Yesiknowdear I am sorry you were forced to deal with that. Your mother was clueless as to how it would affect you, or she didn't care. Either way, it was totally unfair to put you through that. I just cannot ever understand behavior like your mother's.

You sound like you got through it, albeit with some scars, and I hope you are now living a wonderful, happy life. How did your siblings come through it all? Are you close to your mother?

My difficulty lies with (usually women) who bring new 'partners' into their homes with their childrem. Often not knowing them for long.
I was a single teenage mum and no bloke was getting past my door ! My kid Wasn't been subjected to new man moving in!

Jordan Peterson rabbit hole folks. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/feb/07/how-dangerous-is-jordan-b-peterson-the-rightwing-professor-who-hit-a-hornets-nest

I think claiming having one night stands or a series of short relationships does not turn a person into a psychopath is based in right wing propaganda.

Women have sex with a series of men producing babies as they go along for many reasons. Some are addicted to the newborn stage for a start off. Others are trying to get it right this time. And yes, some may be narcissistic and psychopaths because psychopathy exists in society. However, I would say the vast majority are in some way damaged and suffering from mental health issues.

Male psychopaths outnumber women 6 to 1. His theory that psychopaths are made if they have lots of ons is ludicrous. Were this true the split would be more even.

Obviously but that's not what OP is asking.

@Yesiknowdear
Im sorry for what you endured. You have done so well to not perpetuate the abuse.

100%

Years ago, the woman downstairs had 3 children by 3 different men - none of paid child support nor were they involved in the children's lives.

She chatted to a guy I had met on holiday when he came to visit me. When he returned she told me she had also met someone and wouldn't it be great if we got pregnant at the same time. She seemed shocked when I said I was not looking to get pregnant - I barely knew him and I was 5 months into a new job.

She was very sweet, in love with love and seemed to believe that you proved your love with a baby. She did get pregnant with a fourth and they had split up before the baby was born.

Meh, men don't just have ONS with women.

Male psychopaths outnumber women 6 to 1. His theory that psychopaths are made if they have lots of ons is ludicrous. Were this true the split would be more even.

There seems to be a particular type of women who love the idea of babies. They seem to completely forget the fact that those babies will soon be toddlers then teenagers ( argh) and then adults who you still sometimes lie awake worrying about. So they think, I love babies I'll have another. That's my best guess .

Being promiscuous does not mean you are or are going to become a psychopath.

Homeless people are not either severely depressed or personality disordered with no other exceptions.

I would certainly hate to see a return to mental asylums in any form but especially for women with multiple children.

"I think claiming having one night stands or a series of short relationships does not turn a person into a psychopath is based in right wing propaganda."

If right wing mental health propoganda exists, I assume left wing does also?

Truthfully, I think .. they just don't think. There's no future planning, or even consideration for consequences.

For some, it's so they have an excuse to not face the world expected - career, house purchase, etc.

Some, like my friends' 4 DD's, have such a massive affection hole in their lives (she was a great carer, but abusive mentally). they had babies to fill it, as soon as possible. Move on from that bad relationship to another, have a baby. Or two. It's horrible as I see these babies and think, you poor things, you don't have a chance. Instead of improving their circumstances, they just kept having babies. I don't think they know how to do anything else, and live off benefits.

Or

• having not done particularly well in school, branded a 'failure' at the age of 16 (or earlier)
• being a mother is the one thing that has others see you as a responsible adult, making adult choices
• being praised after giving birth, reinforcing there's respect in motherhood
• gaining housing support and benefits otherwise not available when not a parent, thus avoiding the house share situation their more 'successful' peers are forced into at university and beyond

-a society that judges both young and single parents hence the rush into new relationships hoping this one will stick to again bolster that sense of respectability.

If you don't want young, multiple pregnancies, teach our young people self worth is not just for the intelligent crowd who are heading for uni. We should all feel proud to contribute to society by working - any work. Unfortunately - as you see on here all the time - unless you're a professional earning in excess of £80k a year with a husband earning more, you're a nobody. Give our young people a future, something to aspire to, so.wthkng that makes delaying pregnancy a legitimate opportunity and bit a perceived life of drudgery. Pride in paid work always.

Because desperate for attention and any attention is 'good' and yes there is a sector of society that lack intelligence and have an extremely narrow way of life plus being alone terrifies them

And I presume come from parents who have similar outlook on life, it just shifts onto the next generation

People can blame society but it stops and starts with parents and what thry teach their children whether intentional or experience

https://youtube.com/shorts/ugS_3hyGASc?si=4FYfcUEc5oLHPrkx

If this MH analysis is right wing propoganda then I presume that you believe telling lies about biology is the left wing mental health form of propoganda?

Baby Addicts.

A woman I knew was one of ELEVEN children.

Her mother was addicted to babies, but lost interest in older toddlers and ''Fell'' pregnant again.
It was very hard for the older children.

Plus poor upbringing/role modelling

I have a friend in this situation, 3 kids 3 different dads. And no dad's involved. She's always wanted to be a mum. I think that overrode any sense of practicality when thinking about the partner. Also she seemed to be more passive contraception wise. If they didn't want to use condoms etc, would just go along.

Yes her body, her choice. Which is funded by the taxpayer and the children cared for by the grandparents.
How about “ her body, her responsibility, and that of the baby daddies”

The majority of these people are poor. Poorly educated, have poverty of aspiration and have poor judgement. It seems to be be about gratifying their immediate needs and not considering the future. Most of them seem to be " the underclass". Of course there are examples of wealthy, high achievers behaving like this but they are the exception. Boris Johnston and Ulrika Johnson come to mind

Basically, genuine accidents can and do happen, but most contraceptive "accidents" are actually just failures to use contraception properly, which is why there is quite a lot of correlation of "accidental pregnancies" and "women who are a bit dim and poorly organized."

Plus, a lot of pregnancies retrospectively claimed as accidents were nothing of the sort. I'm constantly seeing posts on here about women who have had kids with crap men. Invariably, the claims of "accidental pregnancy." I am pretty sure that 9 times out of 10 it was nothing of the sort, it's just that openly admitting that "I chose to get pregnant with a useless man" is embarassing.

Low self esteem and a deep.seated misguided desire to be needed. Possibly non academic with limited career choice and therefore defining herself by motherhood even with insecure partners. Lack of positive make role models that show police family life. After the first child it may seem the only way to keep a man and to have a potential step father is to hear another child.

From a societal level many parents as you describe probably fall into poverty and therefore are the one a lot of charities and campaigns are aimed at e.g. food banks. It is interesting when we do talk about poverty in the UK there is a reluctance to bring up this demographic of the single young mum with multiple children with differing fathers as it brings a lot of judgment. It's not the 50s Ireland any more but there is a lot of stigma and certainly many people would be very questioning of this lifestyle choice especially if the tax payer is involved.

Theres a difference between falling pregnant and choosing to continue a pregnancy. I do wonder about the women more than the men because they tend to carry the can, men like this just cba but if you get ditched with a baby it’s more work for you. Why sign up to a harder life, unless you actually are fine with doing the bare minimum to keep them alive. I think having DC is a lot of work myself, I won’t be having anymore because I’m already exhausted.

I think it’s because they believe if they have a baby the man will stay. Op’s SIL doesn’t sound like she loves being a mother if her parents are picking up a lot of the slack. Even if it were about benefits at some point you would run out of children anyway and you would have fuck all as a single person and no real career to fall back on.

I actually think the best thing is a therapist, she can’t be unaffected by having a child and then abandoned. It must be heartbreaking for her every time it happens but she doesn’t have the insight to understand it. I’d be devastated if DH had done that. I feel for her children, I think some people just have a void they are trying to fill.

Its interesting if Keir Starmer becomes ill a women who had a child at 16 with no qualifications will be in charge of the country. I think Angela Raynor's career trajectory might be exceptional but she is an example of how upbringing and immediate social circumstances can perhaps skew a young woman"a world view including that interface of class and aspiration.

Reasons will be varied and possibly complex. Why do you need to understand though?