AIBU with my wedding venue?

[ellie09]

I recently booked my wedding for July 2026 and let family know the venue and the date.

We ended up booking a lovely venue that I fell in love with, and it just so happens to be in DPs hometown (this was not the reason why we booked - we just like the venue and it was in our budget).

DPs hometown is about 1.5 hours away from my hometown.

My sister is not happy.

She doesn't drive, for context, though she is going to have to learn soon, as she is at uni and once she graduates she will need a car for her job (public transport isn't great here especially for unsocial hours)

She has been sending me messages, asking me how on earth I expect her to get there without a car and that "she's just going to have to find a way up on the train then".

I have told her that amongst everyone, I am sure we can work out a way to get everyone up, and it's a long time away and by then she will likely have passed her driving test, with her graduation etc. She asked me " well are you giving me the money for that then?! "

AIBU to think my sister is being selfish? It's my wedding and I feel like I should book a venue that I like. It's not as if I am expecting people to go abroad etc.

We have people flying from Canada etc to our wedding.. She is 1.5 hours away?!

If OP’s family live 1.5 hrs from her DP’s family, it isn’t going to be possible to find a venue which is on a handy bus route for every single guest. At least some of them are going to have to travel.

How does she even know where she’ll be living in two years time? After she graduates, she may find a job in a completely different part of the country. Anyway, you’ve booked it now. If she doesn’t think her sister’s wedding is worth the journey, she can always stay home and sulk.

There is a lot of time to arrange travel together or even book a cheap advanced train.

Wouldn't be any issue for me, I would find a way a way to get to my sister's wedding with almost 2 years to plan for travel! Xx

Oh just tell her it'll all get sorted nearer the time and just forget her moaning. She's trying to make this all about her. It's naff all to do with her. She's jealous. Ignore all drama. Congratulations!

How on earth is this young woman going to manage to get her degree, if she can't even figure out how to travel a 1.5hr journey?

Fine. She doesn't come then.

I was half expecting the venue to be in Mongolia 🤣 no you are not being unreasonable! It’s your wedding, you have it where the hell you want! If your sister wants to behave like a brat about it, tell her she can, but she’ll have to moan at someone other than you.
She has two choices, she can stay home or she can go 🤷🏻‍♀️ and if she chooses to go, she can slap on her best smile and be happy for you. There are no other options.

She’s the problem

you choose whatever you’d like. I’m sure you can get her a lift or something

Yea she's being entitled.

My beloved sister, I respect your choice to come or not come as you wish. There will be plenty of people travelling from here and I expect someone will give you a lift if you ask. There's going to be people coming from 5000 miles away because generally people don't mind travelling to be at the wedding of someone they love but you do you. I'll not stop loving you if you decide it's too much effort.

Petulant little sister? Take no notice OP. Tell her that when the time comes there will no doubt be a way for an adult woman to travel an hour and a half to attend her sisters wedding if everyone thinks very hard!

1.5 hours… I remember when I thought that was a long commute.

just ignore her

I've had to book flights and time off work for my brother's wedding! He flew nine hours for mine 😂

It's also really generous of you to pay for your family's rooms

I am going against the grain by saying is it actually a straight hour and a half? I find often wedding venues can be in the middle of nowhere. The last one I attended was a 45 drive but on public transport was 3 hours and consisted of 2 buses, a train and then a 25 minute walk in the middle of nowhere.

If it involves that sort of journey and she is unable to attend will you be fine with this?

Apologies if it an easy journey but sometimes drivers can underestimate how difficult it can be to get to some destinations.

I used to travel one and a half hours to work every day, i.e. three hours a day. I'm sure it won't kill your sister to do that. Won't she travel with another family member anyway?

Is she married? I wonder if there’s some jealousy there on her part.
She is being ridiculous and I’m sure will look back at this one day and cringe at how much of a dick she looked!
Enjoy wedding planning op and ignore the negativity.

How do you know this venue doesn't have taxis/public transport/ubers? Have you actually read the post AT ALL?? 🤦‍♀️

Even if that was the case, she has a long time to plan and save.

And for your sister's wedding you find a solution - you don't bitch to the bride and make it all about you.

No doubt there will be other relatives driving which she can perhaps ask for a lift, or a taxi could be pre-booked to take her from the station to the venue.

YANBU. 1.5hrs is nothing for a wedding and surely there’s others she can get a lift with? Given where both yours and DP families live someone was always going to have to travel.

Goodness DH and I live 2.5hrs north of his family and 2.5hrs south of mine! We looked at lots of wedding venues around where we live and agreed to look at one in my hometown and one in DHs hometown to keep it fair for both sides, but knowing given the distance for each family it would be unlikely (5hr drive). My family weren’t happy when they found out it wasn’t a given that I would go home to get married and hit the roof when they heard we were going to look at venues in both towns (so basically it was ok for DHs family to travel 5hrs to get to the wedding in my hometown, but not for my family to travel to DHs hometown). In the end we chose a venue in the town where we met each other and spent our early relationship - pure coincidence it was there as we saw it advertised and fell in love with it. Bit like you OP. It was an hour closer to my family, so they only had 1.5hrs travel whereas DHs had 3.5. We didn’t pay for accommodation for anyone. We had the option of a wedding package which included paid-for accommodation for family in on-site glamping pods but they turned their nose up at that. We got a lesser package and didn’t pay for accommodation no one would use, and instead got a discount code for other guests if they wanted it. We did put a lot of research into an info sheet on travel, nearby accommodation and public transport/taxis in the area for guests to go alongside the invites. But you can’t please everyone. When it came down to it everyone had a lovely time. Sounds a bit like your situation OP, your sister will just have to get over it.

Tell your sister that if she really doesn't want to travel, she still has 18 months in which to buy a house nearby, then she can just stroll to the venue on the big day.

Or, she can politely decline the invitation, like an adult with good manners.

So what do you propose people do? It is extremely unusual for all wedding guests to live within the same 45 minute radius. Maybe weddings/reception by zoom is the only realistic alternative to avoid some people having to travel minor distances?

Why does the sister have to save every penny for someone else's wedding? It's a new frock and a present!

Basically ignore her. I think she might be a tad envious of the wedding excitement and that the attention is all on you for now. She sounds like a petulant 8 year old or thereabouts.

I propose people pick the venue they want but accept that some guests may not be able to travel. To be fair to the OP she hasn't said she insists on her sister attending but some brides don't care how much money or time is spent getting to a wedding as long as that person attends.