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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if you are against private schools…

657 replies

Unsrr · 02/11/2024 12:16

Why is this? As in against their existence?

I was brought up in a reasonably poor area and my education was not good. I sometimes went to the nearest private school for swimming lessons and remember being in awe of it. We have one dc now age 7 and can’t afford private but there is maybe a chance we could for secondary. I wouldn’t give it a second thought if we could make it work.

I have never felt private schools should disappear because surely that’s what we should be aspiring to? An education that is excellent (yes I know not all private schools are good and lots of state schools are better), isn’t that what we should aim for?

I feel sad that this country has now made it harder to access this education. What is the reason people are against private schools existing at all? I don’t think it can be jealousy, I think many people are genuinely opposed to it from an ideological perspective and I can’t understand it at all. Just interested really as there’s been so much talk about schools recently.

OP posts:
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XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 02/11/2024 17:39

Fordian · 02/11/2024 17:18

I'd have less of a problem with private schools if all onward destinations were contextual offers; Eton? 3 A stars, please. St Bogwoods? ABB.

There are only so many uni places.

Furthermore, private school networks entrench privilege. Other parents at the school can offer internships to your son and vice versa. Even in the NHS, where I worked, the HR hassle of work experience caused them to shut the scheme down; yet somehow the offspring of consultants from the 2 top public schools locally managed to get each others kids in.

I know you cannot totally erase such unfairnesses from society, but you can limit the overt exercise of it.

I have yet to see this 'private school network' that gets trotted out in threads like this or to experience it myself. What has going to private school done for me other than help me go through education from 11-16 without changing schools. It's not given me a leg up in my career, it's not helped me get some high flying job. In fact I spent a lot of my life being thoroughly ashamed of it because people judge on their perceived ideas of private school. Just like you are.

Everyone uses their contacts for work experience not just parents of privately educated children. Someone approached me at work as his son wanted to do work experience.

Mosalahiwoukd · 02/11/2024 17:43

noblegiraffe · 02/11/2024 16:49

It's bizarre that some people can't see that a well-educated population benefits everyone, not just the parents of the children who receive the education.

State education isn't just a favour to parents, it's an economic necessity.

Exactly! And not everyone going to be a lawyer, doctor or engineer either but we need an educated population - not least because a lot of the children in school now will become parents themselves and responsible for helping with the education of the next generation.
Let private schools keep spitting out yet more banker wankers going to work in mummy and daddy’s firm that won’t stop, but for god sake let’s educate the future carers, nurses, entrepreneurs, teachers, builders, tradespeople etc too - the ones who actually add to our society not just take take take

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 02/11/2024 17:46

frostywhite · 02/11/2024 17:37

The VAT from those 4% won't cure the problems in the state sector. It's driven by spite, envy and class hatred.

I think it's 7% but, either way, that 7% can't solve the problems of 93%. Why people with millions who send their kids to state schools aren't being asked to cough up to fund the education they are actually using, is beyond me.

The figure bandied about varies. 4% is the Scottish figure about 6% overall. It makes no difference to the funding of the state sector.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 02/11/2024 17:48

Mosalahiwoukd · 02/11/2024 17:43

Exactly! And not everyone going to be a lawyer, doctor or engineer either but we need an educated population - not least because a lot of the children in school now will become parents themselves and responsible for helping with the education of the next generation.
Let private schools keep spitting out yet more banker wankers going to work in mummy and daddy’s firm that won’t stop, but for god sake let’s educate the future carers, nurses, entrepreneurs, teachers, builders, tradespeople etc too - the ones who actually add to our society not just take take take

Your post really nails it. The VAT on school fees is based on spite and envy, which your post drips with.

MildGreenDairyLiquid · 02/11/2024 17:50

Yes, in principle, I think they shouldn’t exist.

Would I send DD to one - yes, of course, because I don’t live in an ideal world, I live in the real world.

I’m aware that’s hypocritical but there you go.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 02/11/2024 17:51

CrabSignalArmy · 02/11/2024 16:26

You are of course correct ideologically. However if I had £50,000 in assets and my life, or even achieving a pain-free quality of life depended on an operation that I would either have to wait 2 years for or never get at all on the NHS then I'd certainly pay that money to get it privately ratter than die or suffer a life of pain for that ideology.

Ideologies are fine in theory or when applied at a population level. On an individual level if the state is failing to provide a reasonable quality of service then I can't say it's unethical for someone with the resources to go private to do so. The sin lies with the government choices that let the stare provision get so bad.

But in a perfect system you wouldn't need to go private. You shouldn't need to. That's my point. The two tiers should not exist. There should be no need for private.

hardhatready · 02/11/2024 17:51

No33 · 02/11/2024 12:36

Children should all have the same opportunities, outside their parents wealth.

In an ideal world this would be the case but within the state system there’s vast differences between schools…. largely dependant on area. VAT on private schools will increase house prices in areas that have good schools even more. This also seems unfair. As is all the other consequences of this policy. I feel very sorry for the children that will suffer as a consequence and those people (not just teachers but support staff) that have or will loose their jobs when schools close. I doubt there will be much if any net gain to this policy given all the negative effects. It’s more divisive politics, pitting people against each other and I’m sick of it.

NoisyDenimShaker · 02/11/2024 17:56

Unsrr · 02/11/2024 13:18

@Forgottenwhatitwas but buying a home next to a great state school is the same thing, is it not? Which again makes me question why it’s the private schools that seem to take the brunt of criticism. I didn’t have music lessons like most of the rest of my gear group in my state school. That wasn’t fair for me, should none of them have learned an instrument at all?

I don't think it's the same thing. Parents will always invest in their children within what they can afford, such as books, good food, a house in a good catchment area, tutoring, or whatever. Some children will always be luckier than others in a myriad of small, medium, and large ways.

But when you pay for private school, you're buying access to an entire machinery that gives lots of advantages: Better teachers all day, good facilities, fewer troublesome children, and huge networks of alumni and the other children's parents. And often brighter peers as well, since many private schools are selective.

I think there's much more inequality in state v private than there is in good catchment/bad catchment. A good catchment area still doesn't confer anything approaching the huge advantages that most private schools confer.

It is very unfair indeed, but at the same time, I certainly can't blame parents who go private for wanting the best they can afford for their children.

September1013 · 02/11/2024 17:57

I’m not against private education in principle but the issue I have with the current private school system in Britain is that they don’t just give kids an education, they set them up for a lifetime of privilege. 6% of children have a private education yet this sector is vastly overrepresented at top universities, in professions such as law and medicine, in politics and in many other areas.

Private schools teach kids how to work the system, help them make contacts, get them into the old boys networks etc. But they are ridiculously expensive and out of reach for the vast majority of parents. It’s wrong that people with wealth should be able to buy their kids a much better chance to get into Oxbridge, or medical school, or a successful political career.

Yes there will be parents on here saying “oh I’m not wealthy, I paid for my kids to go to private school by saving every penny and not going on holiday and driving a ten year old BMW blah blah blah” but these make up the minority of private school kids and £15-20K pa per child is unaffordable for the majority of the population.

Anyone who thinks that Labour are adding VAT to get money for the state sector is extremely shortsighted. They are doing this to try to move kids out of the private sector completely and shrink it down in the belief that this will open more opportunities up for the rest of the kids in this country. Their whole philosophy is around reducing social inequality and unfair privilege.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 02/11/2024 17:59

Anyone who thinks that Labour are adding VAT to get money for the state sector is extremely shortsighted. They are doing this to try to move kids out of the private sector completely and shrink it down in the belief that this will open more opportunities up for the rest of the kids in this country. Their whole philosophy is around reducing social inequality and unfair privilege.

Oh ha, ha, ha.

PestoPastaChaChaCha · 02/11/2024 18:00

RobinStrike · 02/11/2024 13:06

I agree that all children should have the same opportunity and access to a good education. However I understand that some children, due to family circumstances and jobs-military, diplomats etc find the stability of a boarding school important. These schools are businesses not charities and should be taxed as such. The old boy network of the top independents can be a real barrier for some young people getting first jobs and experience but I'm sure business contacts of parents do the same thing and it can't be removed completely.
The Sutton Trust does loads of good work to try to create an even playing field and encourage children from poorer schools.
Until all state schools have decent results and day to day social experience there will always be a demand for private education. If that's how people want to spend their money that's ok, but no tax breaks, no charitable status, use blind CVs etc on job applications.

Regarding your last line - I accept this isn’t at all scientific - we introduced blind CV and applications for trainees where I work. So redacted names, references to sex, names of all educational establishments. We found the candidates selected for interview were overwhelmingly from private schools/grammar schools or educated abroad as they had best grades, better extra curricula activity and more work experience. Prior to making the process “blind” we had put through state school educated candidates and looked favourably on weekend job at supermarket as were able to work out from CV they had to work to fund studies. We have stopped doing redacted applications. I went to a terrible state school but had educated immigrant parents who helped me with homework, paid for tutors and encouraged me. So although school was poor I had an advantage over my classmates who had uneducated immigrant parents. Whatever you do life is unequal and you can’t change that. My mother grew up in a communist country she had a good education but it didn’t stop inequality and there being haves and have nots. Such a world of equality does not exist.

TheaBrandt · 02/11/2024 18:05

Agree Noisy. Don't think there is a way to achieve absolute equality either. Educated, intelligent (emotionally and intellectually), involved tertiary educated parents with funds is what confers advantage irrespective of school. Some children will be cleverer/more charming and attractive/luckier etc than others and they will go further in life.

I do take issue with the view of some private school parents that parents at the better state schools are somehow sneaking a massive advantage. Even the best state schools have the same disadvantages of all states - they have to take all pupils in the catchment which in most places includes areas of deprivation/teacher shortages/difficult to expel nightmare pupils. Arguably the better state schools have the worst of all worlds, all of the above disadvantages and no contextual offers!

Also think the "connections" angle is getting less and less relevant. In DH firm and most others they fall over themselves to get away from that.

Heatherbell1978 · 02/11/2024 18:05

I used to be very anti them. Went to state school myself (as did most of my friends) and did fine, went to uni, and now have a great career. I'd be the vocal one about how they were for the privileged only.
Then I had kids. And one of them struggled at his state school and all of a sudden I realised how much I cared about prioritising his education and happiness before anything else. And I researched independent schools and found out that they're not all Eton. I know MN hates to hear about families scrimping to afford school frees but we do. I have one at private and one at state. Best decision we made.

MildGreenDairyLiquid · 02/11/2024 18:05

PestoPastaChaChaCha · 02/11/2024 18:00

Regarding your last line - I accept this isn’t at all scientific - we introduced blind CV and applications for trainees where I work. So redacted names, references to sex, names of all educational establishments. We found the candidates selected for interview were overwhelmingly from private schools/grammar schools or educated abroad as they had best grades, better extra curricula activity and more work experience. Prior to making the process “blind” we had put through state school educated candidates and looked favourably on weekend job at supermarket as were able to work out from CV they had to work to fund studies. We have stopped doing redacted applications. I went to a terrible state school but had educated immigrant parents who helped me with homework, paid for tutors and encouraged me. So although school was poor I had an advantage over my classmates who had uneducated immigrant parents. Whatever you do life is unequal and you can’t change that. My mother grew up in a communist country she had a good education but it didn’t stop inequality and there being haves and have nots. Such a world of equality does not exist.

Completely agree - we found exactly the same thing with blind CVs - we put through more state school / average uni kids when we had the full details, because we made allowances for background.

Fictionalcharacter28 · 02/11/2024 18:07

Very against them - university places, jobs etc are fundamentally competitive. It’s easier to get good grades at a private school, therefore those who have been to one are more likely to be awards places above equally or more capable state school kids. Advantaging some directly disadvantaged others

CurlewKate · 02/11/2024 18:07

"that's what grammar schools did in the old days, they gave people a chance to succeed on the same level as old type private educated people.

No they didn't.

NoisyDenimShaker · 02/11/2024 18:10

Some posters have said that they had a choice between staying in an undesirable catchment area and paying for private school, or moving to a more expensive house near a good state school and sending their children there.

If that's the choice, it seems to me that the more expensive home in the better area would be the best option, because your home is a reliable financial investment in the long run, unlike school fees.

Heartbreaktuna · 02/11/2024 18:11

Against. Private schools perpetuate and entrench inequality.

noworklifebalance · 02/11/2024 18:16

Mosalahiwoukd · 02/11/2024 14:49

‘namely gumption, independence and self sufficiency.’

So this bullshit is often trotted out … and yet private children are cosseted and coached, bussed into school in private minibuses, kept away from any real competition with local state schools, handheld through everything…
then last thing they are, as far as I can see from the children of friends is ‘independent’

They have so much less freedom, every second is scheduled.
Unless Of course we’re talking about the famed ‘independence’ of sending young children away from their families to live at school… some called it fostering independence, some call it child neglect…

yet private children are cosseted and coached, bussed into school in private minibuses, kept away from any real competition with local state schools, handheld through everything

Where do you get this from?
The pupils do have to do the work, the teachers are not doing it for them. They are not being cosseted, coached and handheld unless you are misunderstanding that they go to school to learn and be challenged (whatever their level may be).
The ones that are “bussed” are usually travelling some distance where public transport is not practical. Plenty walk or take public transport.
What’s the “real competition with local state schools” that you are referring to? What are pupils at state schools in competition with each other for or over?

Pottedpalm · 02/11/2024 18:17

ExtraOnions · 02/11/2024 12:35

Life opportunities and the chance of places at top universities, and the best jobs,
should not depend on the financial circumstances of your parents. It makes an uneven playing field even more uneven.

Even the brightest of state educated children will not have to the facilities, networks, alumni, and experience of a private school.

As a society we should be providing a great eduction for all young people, with an equality of opportunity….

I wouldn’t mind private schools so much, if the advantages weren’t so clear later. I used to work at the BBC, one one year ALL of our apprentices went to private schools. I’m on the Civil Service now and ALL of our top leadership went to private school. I’ve worked a lot with investment banks, and all the interns / career starters were from private school, and got thier jobs because of who their fathers were, and “old boys network”

It’s exhausting

This is just bollocks. The system does not work like that. No one gets a place at a top university or a pupillage through an old boy network.

noworklifebalance · 02/11/2024 18:21

As a society we should be providing a great eduction for all young people, with an equality of opportunity

This is the crux of the issue isn’t it? This is not being achieved for the 93% in the state sector and doesn’t look it will be for some time.

travellinglighter · 02/11/2024 18:22

I’d have no issue with them if it wasn’t for the fact that the 7% who go make up the overwhelming majority of those who go to the best universities. Given that class or wealth have little or no effect on IQ, private schools are a way for the sharp of elbow to get to the front of the queue.

If oxbridge applied some form of social algorithm to its entry criteria then I suspect private schools wouldn’t be half so popular.

So tarquin who was tutored to an inch of his life and ended up at Eton gets Three A*’s is as likely to get a place in kings college Oxford as Tracey who came from a broken home, had to work to support her single mum and got 2 A’s and a B.

There are multiple examples in public life of the thick as mince who have been through the private school system and who have advanced as to positions way beyond their competence . Boris, JRM and even Cameron weren’t what you would call bright but two of them got to prime minister and JRM who is arguably the dimmest of dim bulbs got cabinet office. They had to yank him out of the spotlight because his views were either repellent (old etonians would have survived Grenfell) or stupid beyond belief (happy fish).

travellinglighter · 02/11/2024 18:23

Pottedpalm · 02/11/2024 18:17

This is just bollocks. The system does not work like that. No one gets a place at a top university or a pupillage through an old boy network.

Oh dear, how adorable that you think like that.

Areolaborealis · 02/11/2024 18:24

"We can afford private and choose instead to send our child to an underperforming school"

Classic MN

ThePure · 02/11/2024 18:27

I Keep hearing the argument about postcodes and variation between state schools being unfair anyway on this thread

I do not understand this argument

Yes there is inequality. Life is inherently unfair
That does not mean we need to go out of our way to make it even more unfair!

Rather we should be doing everything we can to mitigate the disadvantage.

Just because you can't get rid of every way in which life chances are unfair it doesn't mean that you should just surrender to it and add even more disadvantage

If everyone was in the state system then in fact there could be financial compensation and extra support for schools with more challenging catchments. There is an attempt to do this already via the funding formula.