Grandparents and clothes

[newandconfused5]

Hi everyone, I am trying to work out if my feelings of being annoyed are justified or if I'm being unreasonable.. here goes, please be kind!..

MIL last minute invited my older two children for dinner at her house tonight as a treat (I have 3 kids, the toddler stayed home). This hasn't happened in a long time so my kids were excited.

MIL picked the kids up at 4:30 and I specifically said, will you need wellies (for the garden) I then said actually you won't be going out there in the dark. So I didn't send wellies or a coat as MIL lives 5 minutes down the road and kids literally going from house to house.

I put my kids in their Ugg boots. When they came home (at 7pm) they had been in the garden with torches and Ugg boots are ruined.

I would always take wellies and coat but as they were popping in for dinner and it is dark (and getting colder) I didn't send them.

Am I right for feeling a bit annoyed that the expensive shoes are wrecked?
Is it my fault for not sending wellies just in case (after saying you won't need wellies will you?).

I am grateful the kids have had a good time and for MIL to feed them. As I say a real treat.

Obviously I won't say anything but are my feelings misplaced?

Thanks

This.

Mine came up fine

My local grandchild has wellies here as well as at home.

I'd be annoyed with myself for not sending them in footwear that didn't matter.
My parents would simply have no clue what they were looking at, they'd look at the muddy boots afterwards and say 'looks like you had a good time' with no idea of the implications!

I think you’ve had a lot of unfair comments here about Uggs OP - as if the title of the thread is “should children be allowed to wear expensive shoes that may get ruined 😂” A lot of people also either not reading or choosing to ignore that you’ve stated multiple times that your kids DO have appropriate footwear and that you even asked said out loud to MIL prior to them going round - they won’t be going outside so won’t need outdoor shoes - or words to similar effect.

I don’t think there is a clear right or wrong or person to blame in this situation.
I think in this instance MIL probably could have said no to kids wanting to go outside. However as previous PP have stated perhaps she doesn’t understand what UGGs are / how difficult to clean or expensive they are. You mentioned in OP it’s rare she has the children over so as others have stated may have just wanted to see them happy rather than be the authoritative figure or just not even thought about it given she doesn’t have to think about the aftercare of clothes regularly. Completely get OP that’s not what you would had done had you been looking after someone else’s kids but we can’t expect other people to always think the way we do plus in my personal experience GPs are a lot more lenient with their GC than they were with their own DC 😂

You can ofc buy your children whatever clothes you choose - if there is something that is quite new and you don’t want them to get dirty like the Uggs I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell a 9 year old not to go out in the mud with them - I’m not suggesting this is the child’s responsibility but but disagree with posters who think 9 years old is too young to be even thinking about the value / cost of things.

You’ve had some sensible responses re how to salvage Uggs. In future send the wellies and tell kids as well as caregiver to put them on if going outside.

Good luck with Uggs - I’d actually like to know if they are fixable.

So if you get something dirty you ask your husband to seek out a replacement from the owner of where ever you got dirty, rather than just washing it?

You should have just sent wellies or old shoes in case imo, lesson learned

@Theboymolefoxandhorse Having other appropriate footwear doesn't negate that they're also wearing completely inappropriate footwear. 🫣
It's also known and widely accepted how Uggs are a terrible idea for growing feet.

Well you asked if they need wellies and was told no, so mil should take some responsibility here. Tbh my mil has form for stuff like this and I learned the hard way like you. So now I only send dc in stuff I don’t mind coming back filthy.

@wiesowarum

The OP has made it clear throughout this thread multiple times that she didn’t expect them to be going outside.

“ I specifically said, will you need wellies (for the garden) I then said actually you won't be going out there in the dark. So I didn't send wellies or a coat as MIL lives 5 minutes down the road and kids literally going from house to house.”

“I answered the wellie question and she agreed”

“I thought it would be easier to just pop down the road without bags of wellies and coats.”

“Equally didn't want to pack them off with extra clothing for a two hour dinner trip to nanny's”

“Equally, if they said we will likely go in garden, after I double checked, I would have sent the mountain of boots/coats and waterproofs with them! As well as spare clothes too just in case!”

“My thinking was not to send them with bags of stuff to just pop in for dinner.
Stupid I know! As wellies in a bag would have been easy but I feel like i over pack for them and thought it was a simple thing. Dinner inside”

“The Uggs (which I know are marmite) are just for normal days walking down a street, going out for lunch etc.”

“We had been out for the day and the wellies were covered in wet mud. I didn't want to have them wear them in MILs car”

With respect, the AIBU is not whether or not you believe Uggs are good for growing feet. It’s about whether the Grandmother should have let the children out in Uggs which is what I have tried to answer.

I didn't say Uggs weren't suitable for going outside, I said they're not suitable footwear at all.

Thanks for clarifying 👍

I’m on the fence with this one. I think your expectations of your children keeping their uggs nice are probably too high. My 8yo wants some but I’m not spending £160 on a pair of boots that will get trashed and not last. I love my uggs but I don’t wear them in the rain and I’m not likely to be running around the garden.

But I’m also surprised they got quite as badly trashed. My kids have been in the garden in crocs this week so if your in-laws were basically sending them into a boggy field a check re whether footwear was sensible should have probably happened.

I thought it was fairly obvious, apparently not. 😬

Aren't uggs basically slippers?

Surely they wouldn't be worn outside at all. If they wore them outside to the car, I can see how rhye were confused

MIL driving makes it more unreasonable not to send them then
I thought they walked down and thought "ye I can see you wouldn't want them to carry that down the road"
But in the car, its nothing to just throw it in the boot. 2 coats and 2 pairs of wellies isn't mountains of stuff.

you can get slippers or boots