Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too be really fucking angry with people who just let abuse happen- Sara Sharif

530 replies

dinomirror · 01/11/2024 20:01

Reading it now its horrific. People saying we heard screams- and yet did nothing??? How does a person just think that no im not going to report this, most likely because they cant be bothered/ dont want to be involved. Scum of the earth the dad is. The stepmother ( and her sister!) going on and on about how they feel bad etc and dont do anything!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
IAteAllTheCake · 01/11/2024 21:51

Without a shadow of a doubt and regardless of race, religion or culture, the biggest risk factor for a child in their home is their parents partner whether that's a step-parent, partner or girl/boyfriend.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0162309585900123

Dweetfidilove · 01/11/2024 21:53

JudgeJ · 01/11/2024 21:31

I doubt that many Christians discipline their children in accordance with a 2000 year old doctrine, we've moved on. Sadly some do abuse their children but they don't hide behind so called scripture.

Show quote history

That was quoted in response to the poster saying there's nothing in the religion that advocates beating children. The scripture shows that there is.

Thankfully these scriptures are no longer openly practised, but children are still being abused /killed in all types of household. That is a problem.

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 21:55

IAteAllTheCake · 01/11/2024 21:51

Without a shadow of a doubt and regardless of race, religion or culture, the biggest risk factor for a child in their home is their parents partner whether that's a step-parent, partner or girl/boyfriend.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0162309585900123

That’s from 40 years ago and doubt has been cast on its findings since. It’s also written at a time where family structures were different that what they are today - divorce less common, marriage more common, fewer single parents etc.
I would say parental drug or alcohol addiction, criminal behaviour etc is a far bigger risk factor to children.
Are you honestly suggesting that SS’s dad wouldn’t have abused her had he not remarried?
Also child abuse from female partners of parents is low so while a male partner will increase the risk, a biological dad would be a bigger risk statistically than a female partner.

RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames · 01/11/2024 21:55

SpoonHeader · 01/11/2024 21:15

Crime stats show that those who attach to a Step parent, cuse a gigantic safeguarding
problem for children.

Maybe non-abusive parent don't get involved with step parents, or are better at safeguarding their children?

Maybe step parents are more likely to be abusers (non-abusers may be more likely to decline a date if someone has a family) or attracted to abusers?

I don't know those particular details, only that a step parent in family puts abuse stats up 100 times.

Show quote history

Could also be that the parent is abusive and therefore more likely to be divorced, then go on to remarry thus bringing in a step parent.

It's a statistic I haven't heard of. Is it based on step parents doing the abusing or just that they're part of the family, or a mix of both?

waitwaitwaitwait · 01/11/2024 21:56

Emmascout1774 · 01/11/2024 21:45

Erm…what? Kids are watching porn because their parents let them have smart phones with no safeguards. How on earth is that teachers’ fault?! And inappropriate subjects?!?! What do you mean? The government sets the curriculum. And substandard teaching…Not in the schools I’ve taught at. Behaviour is an issue but if a kid grows up thinking it’s ok to tell a teacher to fuck off there’s little we can do. It’s a lack of parenting that’s the issue.

Show quote history

Are you seriously telling me there is nothing a school should be doing about the constant talk and showing of porn in the playground? And nothing the school should be doing to educate parents who have no idea about the dangers and are causing danger to other children at school? Yes, there is something you can do about children who tell teachers to fuck off - there is a lot you can do in fact - for a start the idea of telling a child what is and is not acceptable behaviour appears to be beyond most teachers, and no sorting out of root causes. And yes, a lot of substandard teaching. And yes, a lot of problems with the curriculum, so that is government responsibility, but half the time the teachers cannot teach the curriculum as they do not have the expertise themselves because schools cannot retain decent teachers.

BlueSilverCats · 01/11/2024 21:56

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 21:31

The majority of abused children in this country are abused by their biological white British parents.

That's because white children ARE a majority in this country. It's like saying the most children abused in the UK speak English. Well... duh.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 01/11/2024 21:56

Dweetfidilove · 01/11/2024 21:14

Almost twice as many women in the White ethnic group experienced domestic abuse in the last year (6.0%) compared with Black or Black British women (3.1%) and Asian or Asian British women (3.0%).

This is from the ONS, so I'm not sure how true your statement is.

Show quote history

Depends also what is more likely to be reported though

Efacsen · 01/11/2024 21:57

Lettherebejustice · 01/11/2024 21:43

Will the sister not recieve any repercussions for being told about ongoing abuse and failing to report it? Not just once, but multiple times.

IDK but it was my understanding that the step-mother doesn't have any family in the UK so maybe the sister is beyond the reach of justice

Haveyouanyjam · 01/11/2024 21:57

Lifeomars · 01/11/2024 21:49

This is from the abstract from a research paper done by the University of Huddersfield into " Violence against children by step parents"

A wide range of child and caregiver characteristics, including parental psychopathology, parents’ childhood experiences of abuse, parenting stress, child age, parent age, child disabilities, socio-cultural background, and caregiver’s relationship to the child, have been reported to contribute to increased risk of violence directed against children. Although there is a dearth of research into violence against children in stepfamilies, some studies have indicated that stepparents are more likely to abuse children compared with genetic parents. Stepparents also have been found to pose a significantly greater risk of using excessive violence, which can subsequently lead to the death of a child. The risk of violence against stepchildren has also been found to be significantly elevated with the presence of stepparent’s genetic offspring. One possible explanation for increased violence in stepfamilies is that stepparents do not want to invest feelings and resources in children who do not carry copies of their genes. Sexual violence by stepparents, on the other hand, can be explained by the lack of exposure to a learning mechanism termed ‘incest aversion’, which refers to negative sexual imprinting during a critical period of early childhood to avoid inbreeding. Yet another possibility is that people who divorce are more likely to do so due to aggressive impulses which can play a part in relationship termination. When they remarry, those aggressive impulses can be directed against stepchildren. However, stepfamilies are also reported to experience more stressors associated with family violence, including alcohol abuse, child’s behavioral problems, adverse contextual backgrounds, and weaker social networks. This suggests that the stepfamily structure may not be a risk factor of violence against children per se. The purpose of this chapter is to provide a description of the problem of violence against children by stepparents, discuss the extent of the phenomenon and its possible theoretical explanations, critically review empirical research assessing violence against children by stepmothers and stepfathers, as well as suggest directions for future research.A wide range of child and caregiver characteristics, including parental psychopathology, parents’ childhood experiences of abuse, parenting stress, child age, parent age, child disabilities, socio-cultural background, and caregiver’s relationship to the child, have been reported to contribute to increased risk of violence directed against children. Although there is a dearth of research into violence against children in stepfamilies, some studies have indicated that stepparents are more likely to abuse children compared with genetic parents. Stepparents also have been found to pose a significantly greater risk of using excessive violence, which can subsequently lead to the death of a child. The risk of violence against stepchildren has also been found to be significantly elevated with the presence of stepparent’s genetic offspring. One possible explanation for increased violence in stepfamilies is that stepparents do not want to invest feelings and resources in children who do not carry copies of their genes. Sexual violence by stepparents, on the other hand, can be explained by the lack of exposure to a learning mechanism termed ‘incest aversion’, which refers to negative sexual imprinting during a critical period of early childhood to avoid inbreeding. Yet another possibility is that people who divorce are more likely to do so due to aggressive impulses which can play a part in relationship termination. When they remarry, those aggressive impulses can be directed against stepchildren. However, stepfamilies are also reported to experience more stressors associated with family violence, including alcohol abuse, child’s behavioral problems, adverse contextual backgrounds, and weaker social networks. This suggests that the stepfamily structure may not be a risk factor of violence against children per se. The purpose of this chapter is to provide a description of the problem of violence against children by stepparents, discuss the extent of the phenomenon and its possible theoretical explanations, critically review empirical research assessing violence against children by stepmothers and stepfathers, as well as suggest directions for future research.

Show quote history

This says that some studies suggest that step parents are more likely to abuse children as compared to biological parents, amongst many other factors. It does not say anywhere that it is the greatest risk factor, and does not indicate how they have defined step parent.

Diorchristian · 01/11/2024 21:58

The whole fleeing the country is bizarre, then the weird press conference sounding like victims being "hounded", expensive plane seats? Saying *your looking for us ".
It all feels very weird.

Does anyone feel they have been told to say not guilty as a way of finding it hard to pin it on any of them

pavementgerms · 01/11/2024 21:58

But on MN we are told not to judge if we see a parent screaming at their child. It's "just a snapshot of their day" apparently.

IAteAllTheCake · 01/11/2024 21:58

@Startinganew32

Sure, how about something a little more up to date...

learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/ryodwhyg/child-deaths-abuse-neglect.pdf

I'm not saying that all step-parents are a risk. I'm saying that it's a common cause of child deaths

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 01/11/2024 21:59

I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t ignore an animal suffering let alone a child.

Shame on those that do.

Lettherebejustice · 01/11/2024 21:59

Efacsen · 01/11/2024 21:57

IDK but it was my understanding that the step-mother doesn't have any family in the UK so maybe the sister is beyond the reach of justice

Show quote history

That would explain it, thank you.

andjustlikethat1 · 01/11/2024 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

biscuitandcake · 01/11/2024 22:01

dinomirror · 01/11/2024 21:22

@Dweetfidilove but asian background women arent going to report the abuse, especially those who are 1st gen immigrants

What's the best way to solve that issue IYO? More education for first generation Asian background women, community education programmes, 0 tolerance (and harsh punishment of) any form of child abuse, more outside interference, more community led programmes?

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 22:01

IAteAllTheCake · 01/11/2024 21:58

@Startinganew32

Sure, how about something a little more up to date...

learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/ryodwhyg/child-deaths-abuse-neglect.pdf

I'm not saying that all step-parents are a risk. I'm saying that it's a common cause of child deaths

Yeah that one says “parent or step parent” throughout. Not that stepparents are a bigger risk.

itsmylife7 · 01/11/2024 22:03

HaveYouSeenRain · 01/11/2024 21:30

Have you been to Woking before? It’s not very very white.
the oldest mosque in England is in Woking and it has a large Asian and muslim community.

In 2021, 14.2% of Woking residents identified their ethnic group within the "Asian, Asian British or Asian Welsh" category, up from 11.6% in 2011. The 2.6 percentage-point change was the largest increase among high-level ethnic groups in this area.

Edited
Show quote history

Again, I will repeat poor Sara WAS living in a part of Woking that is predominantly white.

So the neighbours who heard her being beaten and tortured were white.

RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames · 01/11/2024 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hang them all? You are disgusting.

And it's absolutely none of your business why someone has a new phone. How you know so much about a family you want dead is beyond me.

Reported.

howrudeforme · 01/11/2024 22:03

@andjustlikethat1

wow, just wow.

SpoonHeader · 01/11/2024 22:05

howrudeforme · 01/11/2024 22:03

@andjustlikethat1

wow, just wow.

I don't agree with that poster, thing is people believe these things and you can report away, it doesn't stop their beliefs.

hotpotlover · 01/11/2024 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Reported

FfsBrian · 01/11/2024 22:06

@Dweetfidilove There is massive under reporting from BAME abused women. In fact 6/10 women who access shelters are BAME women which is shocking considering they are a minority. They face huge hurdles due to closed off cultures & police not taking violence against them seriously.

This should be a bit of an eye opener for you

‘Left on the scrapheap’: Higher proportions of black and minority ethnic women suffer domestic abuse but ‘face racism from public agencies’ | The Independent | The Independent

Higher proportions of black and minority ethnic women suffer domestic abuse but 'face racism from public agencies'

Young black woman wrongly labelled as being member of gang but was instead a college student 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/domestic-abuse-bame-women-services-a9586111.html

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This is quite chilling to read. Racism is alive and well it seems.