I have been passive aggressive without knowing......

[letsallcountsheep]

I don't use social media a lot and tend to live in my own little bubble. I had no idea that the thumbs up was passive aggressive 😬

Now I feel like I need to make a lot of apologies 😅 I just saw it as a quick I agree with what was said

Exactly what I was about to say - choose the people you're chatting with better!

A thumbs up is a perfectly normal acknowledgement in plenty of circumstances.

Well, maybe your last answer should be "Thanks", because she's added it to your diary rather than just telling you.

But then she'd feel to constrained to answer that!

Exactly this. If it’s done in a can’t be bothered to reply way that’s rubbish. But as an agreement it’s fine. It’s all in the relationship with the person and your backstory. My mum does it with everything I message. I’ve told her I’ve booked a table for her birthday , she knows she will get collected and taken to the restaurant she will bring no money, not offer to pay for anything and then be ferried home. Her reply, a thumbs up. That’s rude, but hers is not passive aggressive it’s just can’t be arsed.

That wouldn't be passive aggressive, more just dismissive or plain rude.

It’s only passive aggressive in response to an aggressive/dickish message.

Like when I text my teens to say “FFS how many times do I have to ask you to answer your fricking phone when I call or message?”

And they give me a thumbs up in reply…

Sorry...I did laugh at that. Teenagers are little gits at times...God love 'em!

But how does the other person know you have read the message and taken it in, you only have to open it to get a read receipt. You wouldn’t just ignore someone saying the words to you in person. You’d put a full stop on it ie great or thanks.

I think a good old fashioned OK can be far deadlier when used on the right occasion. I also like a “lol”.

I'm afraid I do perceive it as passive aggressive, I'm afraid! The standard 'seen and understood' response to both messages and Teams messages in my circles is the heart react, if I ever got a thumbs up I'd be a tiny bit ??. I get heart reacts to my emails from clients (in a big old serious industry) now and everything haha.

Yes, I use it to mean OK, or I agree, when I've already said those things in the conversation.
I haven't noticed anyone being offended.
If I want to convey distaste or sarcasm I will use the appropriate emoji for that.

It's all too confusing. There are moments when I see a thumbs 👍 and think, yep, you're being a prick. I try avoid it because of that.

I find the ok emoji much less passive aggressive. I try avoid them full stop because it's all a mind f**k.

Can you see how disastrous this all is for our evolutionary trajectory? Body language, tone, facial expressions mean everything. This is Mindy btw; our evolutionary future self.......🤣

Im currently studying with a load of 22-25 year olds and they all use this all the time in the group chat. They also regularly dont reply to each other. It's a completely different way of communicating.

Definitely context dependent

It's really fascinating* the differences between communication styles. I semi regularly correspond on very routine matters with someone from another team who writes long, flowery emails full of carefully constructed salutations with lots of "I trust this finds you well" and "I trust this meets your approval" etc, etc. I'm very brief with my replies.

She most likely thinks I'm very rude. My visceral reaction to her emails is to find them overly formal for the situation, vaguely threatening as if she's resorting to this elaborate formality to impress that her requests are a) vv important and b) I'd better do them or else, and just really annoying.

I don't mean to be rude, I'm just getting the routine stuff out the way with minimal fuss. She's just writing emails in a way that feels polite to her.

She also replies profusely thanking me for doing some minor, minor task that is no effort and absolutely my job. I do heart these rather than thumbs up as I assume using the 👍 would be the final straw in our communication mismatch.

*Not really, but vaguely interesting

Mindy is still in skinny jeans too, another alleged faux pas!

I think you will be an outlier in this discussion. I doubt many organisations use heart emojis as a regular form of communication. It doesn't seem very professional to me.

"No it's always passive aggressive."

Why do you say that? (Genuine question)

Is it perhaps some interaction that you have had with one individual that has led you to think this?

Have you read online that is supposed to be "passive aggressive"?

Or is there some other reason for you thinking this?

[EDIT]

Also, why do you think that sending heart emojis is acceptable?

Personally, to me, that seems weird as it seems to be a term of affection and I don't see why somebody would be affectionate about a message that I sent them (unless we were flirting at work)

Because it's a text message and I can read, why would I open a message and not read it? And because it was something I didn't need to know anyway.

As for typing a word being quicker than finding the emoji - the thumbs up as a reaction is one of the ones that comes up when you press the message, or as a response if you use it a lot it's at the top of your list of emojis anyway.

I can't say always but it is certainly often passive aggressive in my experience. I refer only to personal conversations or chat outside of the work realm where it may be appropriate for quick comms.

Asking someone to prove when something is PA is pretty impossible. Yet, I think it's right to always trust the visceral reaction it evokes. It's significant easier when you know the people you're communicating with. If you don't it's not always clear. It's also the perfect head f**k to retort ' but it's only a thumbs up'.

I don't tend to communicate much with these so don't encounter it too much.

I would do a heart reaction in this situation. A thumb does seem a bit "can't be arsed replying to you and don't really care".

I use thumbs up a lot but as an ‘ok’, although it definitely depends on context. I can see it could be pa if it’s used like ‘whatever’. I’m pretty sure I’ve probably used it as a pa reply to my ex on occasion.

I use it if I’ve had a text conversation like, “shall we meet up tomorrow, yes what about 11? great I’ll see you then, great, thumbs up as last response (a bit like over and out).

So much over thinking on here. Why are peeps so bothered /sensitive about such trivia? 😀

PA on here, in RL it means great/ok/that’s fine.

Need to remember, people can be offended by anything these days.

I’ve only just started using emojis so will carry on using the thumbs up.

It isn't passive aggressive though and surely you can see that this is just your personal interpretation of a thumbs up.

I never use a thumbs up when reacting to personal messages. I'll use ❤ or 😂 or even 💯 if I'm agreeing with something but never a thumbs up. I just acknowledge whatever the other person has said with "no worries" or "cool, see you then" or whatever.

In my work Teams chat it's totally normal to "heart" messages with no creepy subtext. I work with mostly men in their 40s and they frequently heart each other's messages! If our manager puts a message in the group chat saying "could everyone make sure their holidays are logged in the shared calendar?", we'll all thumbs up to confirm that we have done it.

Though I do find it rude when I take the time to email a step-by-step solution to a colleague's problem and they just 👍🏻 react to my email with no reply. I know you can spare thirty seconds to type "that fixed it - thank you".