I have been passive aggressive without knowing......

[letsallcountsheep]

I don't use social media a lot and tend to live in my own little bubble. I had no idea that the thumbs up was passive aggressive 😬

Now I feel like I need to make a lot of apologies 😅 I just saw it as a quick I agree with what was said

And what you expect their response to your response to be? A thumbs up seems appropriate there.

I think that does need a response. 👍 is fine, but it does need acknowledgement.

My sibling uses the upside down smile emoji on iPhone which enrages me for reasons unknown!! It feels like an eye roll.

Thumbs up in my world is generally positive but seems to have become PA when for example a friend cancels a meet-up for the tenth time, with predictably lame excuses "my dog's sick" or "my leg hurts" or "my tyre has a flat".

Apparently, that's the time to fire off a PA 👍 as if to say I CBA to engage anymore.

I don't have those sorts of friendships so I've never needed to use that weapon of war, but it's de rigeur on here.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

For me a 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 means I've seen whatever you've sent but don't have time to respond in depth.

The fact that I don't need to know and she can see I've read it (and it's usually part of a huge long exchange culminating in something pointless) generally means it doesn't require a response. Otherwise, where does this stop?

I think that would be PA, but then if my friends tell me their dog's sick, I'd genuinely want to find something caring to say and I don't have anyone who does that often.

It stops with the 👍 that's the point.

That's your issue. As is evidence here, it's not PA.

Hearting ❤️ a message is bound to raise other issues, there was a post on her recently that someone was worried a colleague was being inappropriate because of an emoji he used.

This is how I see the difference:

Them: Just to let you know I found it rude that you didn't invite me to your party
You: thumbs up emoji
= Passive aggressive

Them: We've moved the the start time of the party to 2pm
You: thumbs up emoji
= Fine

So, it IS passive aggressive, because people are using it to end a conversation?

To me, not responding to something IS the end of the conversation.

So DH texts to say "I've missed the train, I'll be an hour late" and you use a heart?

OK, you'll say use a sad face instead - why is a thumbs up any worse?

But if someone says ‘thanks’ to me in a message I frequently just thumbs up it to acknowledge it. I’m not going to reply ‘thanks’ back

i think it’s entirely dependant on the co text and isn’t always / exclusively passive aggressive.

Oh no, that really is PA and comes across as sarcastic unless it's something that warrants a ❤️ . Like the person who adds extra xxx when sending a message she knows will be badly received.

The Relationships board is rife with failing marriages where one partner presents as exhibit A the dreaded heart emoji. Apparently from a female friend or colleague it means "we're definitely shagging".

The definition of passive aggressive is “(of behaviour) characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation.” Somebody using an emoji when you’d prefer they used a different one that you like the look of better might slightly annoy you, but it doesn’t come close to the definition of passive aggressive.

I learnt the other day from a young person (30 - I'm in my 50s) that using full punctuation is seen as rude too.

I use it all the time but try now to only use it with my own age group - who think it means a perfectly fine OK...

My colleagues probably think I’m a massive arsehole then.

Typical conversation on teams -
Admin: Hi, are you able to do a visit on Tuesday for us as Jenny is off sick?
Me: Of course no problem.
Admin: Does 10am work for you, it’s in X?
Me: Can you ask them if 9.30 is ok as I can come straight from home on my way to Y?
Am: Client has confirmed 9.30 is fine, I’ve put it in your diary.
Me: 👍

It does seem appropriate there but the conversation has then ended. It does entirely depend on context but as I said, how hard is it to write ok or thanks? Probably takes less time than trying to find the thumbs up emoji.

Wtaf!!

Unfortunately, to some people you not responding is pass ag because it's showing you're happy to leave them hanging without an acknowledgement, like your time is more valuable than the fraction of a second it would take to add this small social nicety.

It's all bollocks. Probably best to just try not to take offence from a single tap (or lack of one) on a device.

TBH the best way is only to have chats with people who aren't going to worry about this stuff, which is surely the vast majority 🤣

Course you wouldn't because that doesn't make sense. You'd say that's ok instead

The trouble is, you can get into a long exchange where both sides are replying with long polite responses so as not to appear dismissive of the other person's long polite response. Thumbs up can say "I'm fine to stop now, I don't need another full response".

yes, exactly. think of it as saying 'ok!'

someone says 'I've done that report,' then thumbs up is fine.

If someone sends you a long message about 'we need to talk about this, x y z is becoming a problem we really need to find a solution, your performance is disappointing,' or whatever then 'ok!' is a bit passive aggressive because it reads as 'I'm acknowledging you but I don't agree with what you've said or that it deserves a full response.'

Same if someone gives you a compliment 'Just wanted to say you delivered that presentation really well/wow you look gorgeous in that photo' then just responding with a thumbs up is a bit brief, like saying 'yep!' Whereas usually you'd say something like 'aw thanks that's nice of you to say.' I would sometimes use a 'heart' to convey that, but then as a pp said some might not feel that is appropriate at work?

bit of a minefield!

and of course the standard laughing or laughing/crying face marks you out as having one foot in the grave (i.e. 30 or older)!