Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

The kids are only little now and will enjoy sharing the room together. If I were you I'd stay put for now and if you think they'll want more space as teens maybe look at an attic conversion or extending out the back.

A sign of poverty ! I hope you laughed at her, you will be mortgage free and i bet she won't. How is the poorer one ?

I think your friend might be a little bit jealous that you’ve had an inheritance and can be mortgage free.

Go for it! I have fond memories of sharing bunk beds with my brother when we were little while my parents were renovating our house!

What a great position to be in OP! My small girls share a room and we have a spare room. They like sharing at the moment but I’m fully aware they may not always and in that case we can re-assess. We have a garage that could be converted into another bedroom at a later date too. Are there potential opportunities to add on extra rooms to the house in the future?

You’re just cross because you feel your preference for having a spare room is being viewed as a ‘sign of poverty’.

Room-sharing and bed-sharing was certainly an element of my family’s poverty when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, but that was five children living with two parents, two grandparents and a great-uncle (whose house it was), and the house would have been small for a smaller family, with four tiny bedrooms that all led off the living room, and an outdoor loo. I bedshared with either my grandmother or two sisters until I was in my teens, when we got bunks in the girls’ room, but there was only enough space between the bunks and the single bed for one person to stand up at a time. When I left for university, I’d left for good — my parents got rid of one of the beds, any stuff I didn’t take was boxed in the attic, and when I came home in the vac I slept on the sofa.

It was a miserable way to grow up, with no privacy or space to do your homework other than lying on your bunk. Not obviously at all like what the OP describes, but her children are a baby and a toddler. I assume they won’t share when they’re teenagers.

I don’t think it’s a sign of poverty, but I wouldn’t have the arrangement you’re planning. When our boys were kids we put them in bunks in the smallest room (because you don’t need space for sleeping) and used what you are calling the spare room as the playroom then chill out / study room. It’s living space you need, not sleeping space. Put a sofabed in the big room for your guests and make the most of that space the rest of the time.

Staring at this age is fine. But with regard to the uneven size of the rooms, could you move an internal wall? Friends of mine did this and lost almost two feet from the width of one and gained it in the small room. The window was in the middle of the bigger room and they moved the internal wall closer to it. They moved into the back room which was a double, and the Dc have the first and third rooms, but more similar sized. It made the bedroom situation much more workable.,

often it is associated with poverty. But not always. Personally I’d not have mu kids share and a room left empty three weeks of the month so my mum could stay, that’s not ok for me.

Yes, nothing screams poverty like being a mortgage-free home owner, at an age where you still have young kids, in one of the richest countries in the world.

You have your mum stay for a week every month?!

when our DC were little (4 under 7) they all shared a bedroom, despite living in a 5 bedroomed house. They had great mischievous fun. They only moved onto their own rooms when they wanted their own space aged about 9.
Your friend is a tit and is insulting to those living in poverty.

That’s actually quite a practical idea oP …

Oh gosh I loved sharing as a kid! When I got to uni, I kept my bedroom door open in the dorms for the full first 3 months as I just found my room so quiet and alone and eery. There was a girl a few doors down that also came from a farming background (they were quite wealthy) and we used to drag our mattresses into each others rooms on some nights for company!

Historically having babies and children in a separate room was always unheard of. It really only was the aristocracy that did it and most kids would say the had a lonely upbringing.
I think the world over people share and it wasn't weird or thought of a poor. I think it has a stigma of poverty in the UK because of the large manor houses and the royalty and aristocracy that had these large houses. It seemed like poor people shared.

I do think children like sharing esp when they're young. We have a 4 bedroom house and our children share! They ask to be in the same room!

I don’t think it’s a sign of poverty but I don’t think it’s fair in this situation. They no doubt want their own rooms in a few years, one will get a massive room and one will get palmed off with the box room. How do you even decide who gets which? The box room child will be resentful.
Surely if you have the capital to be mortgage free in a 3 bed, then to upgrade to a 4 bed would only mean a small mortgage and would be paid off relatively quickly anyway. The other option if you love your current house is a small mortgage or loan for an extension to create a bigger 4th room.

Your kids are tiny and it’s absolutely fine!

You have a spare room too, so could also change things around so one child has the box room later on, and get a really good sofa bed for the sitting room for guests.

I agree, the op and her husband are prioritising themselves and the mother, and letting these kids share, with a room empty most of the time, and even if they use it, it’s tiny. I would not do this at all.

In this situation I'd let them share until they didn't want to anymore and then I'd take the smallest room.

Ours shared through choice when they were little but as soon as they were pre teens wanted their own space. We ended up with a double extension in order to have two spare rooms (one used as a Covid-times office and the other a guest bedroom) but I now wish we had moved instead. In an ideal world dc would each have their own bedroom I suppose but you have scope to change the set up when they’re older if necessary.

Your friend is talking total bollocks.

Location is a major factor when pricing a house.

How can buying a three bed that costs more in a pricy area (and near good schools and transport links giving access to more jobs) be a sign of 'poverty' compared to buying a four bed for less money in a less pricy area?

I shared a room and we had a 8 bedroom house. Grandparents had separate rooms as they had a stormy relationship, tv room, study, parents bedroom, our bedroom, toy room, guest room.

I have slept alone for literally 2 years in my life when I went to university as I married at 22..

Historically having babies and children in a separate room was always unheard of. It really only was the aristocracy that did it and most kids would say the had a lonely upbringing.

I think Balmoral had 40 plus bedrooms but one room was divided for Harry & William to share, & Harry’s was very small apparently

You might be able to extend into the loft in 8 or 10 years: saves the huge costs of moving and also your Council Tax band stays the same for extensions you make to your residence.

My boys when younger chose to share rather than a room each, so they’ll probably enjoy sharing now but will want to be separate when they’re older. Definitely not poor with your children sharing- what a strange comment to make!

I grew up in a nice 3 bedroom house, I had a big double bedroom and my dsis had a tiny room. I had bunk beds in my room as dsis would come in and share over Christmas when our Grandma came to stay in her room. This made it really special, waking up and looking at our stockings together etc. However, I'm not sure that we would both have made to it adulthood if we'd had to share all the time 😆