Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

Obviously if children are sleeping in the same bed like in the 1930s, that is a clear sign of poverty (if it's through necessity, or abuse if through choice).

Otherwise, sharing a room is not so much a sign of poverty as a sign of having more children than one can afford. It's one thing when they are very young but by the time they are four they really need their own space, and this becomes more of an issue the older they get.

It's only since starting to read MN that I realised how invested people are in the lives of others, I don't recall anyone, friend or family, making comments regarding our style of living, raising children etc., at least to our faces!

Two or even four children sharing a room depending on the room size is not overcrowding depending on the children's ages, children's sex and size of the room.

Some rooms in houses I've been in are massive.

The my main bedroom now is smaller than the "small" room i didn't share in my mum's Victorian house. That house is now split into flats.

Poverty is when you have to share a mattress on the floor. Not a room that's just not very well off.

Yes it is a sign of deprivation, but not in the way you are thinking of it. It's more to do with overcrowding.

If you look up office of national statistics, somewhere you can find the indices of deprivation. There's loads and loads of data and things they count.

But basically, people HAVING to share a room count as overcrowding, which does link to poverty/deprivation.

A family of 4 living in a 2 bed property is unfortunately a sign of poverty (this is how I currently live). As is a family of 7 living in a 3 bed, and so on. It's unlikely that there is enough room for everyone in the household.

Unfortunately, if your children are sharing a room because there aren't enough bedrooms and you can't move to a bigger property, that is overcrowding.

You DO have a room each, you're just choosing to let them share.

I'd just let them have their own rooms and put them together when family are staying 🤷‍♀️

If this is true one wonders how the human race has got this far. Kids having their own bedrooms is only a thing in the last 60 years surely.

The only time I had my own room was before my sister was born and at university. I went from sharing a bedroom with my sister to sharing with dh. We weren't poor growing up, far from it.

My dc all share, younger 3 in one room (aged 14, 11 and 10) and older 2 in the other (aged 18 and 16) although admittedly we are poor.

Sign of poverty. So does your friend judge people who are in ACTUAL poverty?
I would be irritated by someone who couldn’t critically think their way out of thinking a three bedroom house/ jobs/ inheritance is by no means poverty

Why care what your friend thinks? Your going to have better opportunities to give your kids lovely experiences with no mortgage.....is she jealous?

What a weird thing for her to say. Your friend is just being a snob. Why did she feel the need to state what a sign of poverty is anyway? It doesn’t make her a better human being if she’s not in poverty

No it isn't.

If I know millionaires kids who share and shared rooms in large houses with enough rooms for them to have their own bedroom each, then how is it a sign of poverty?

Some children are happy sharing rooms until they are older teenagers.

BTW the OP has enough bedrooms for her kids. For some strange reasons she wants to keep one spare when she should allow her kids to use it either as a playroom or a study, until someone wishes to visit and stay over.

My DS has a friend (14) who lives with his parents, a brother and a sister. All siblings sleep in the living room, the parents have got the bedroom. They are poor obviously. For small children to share a bedroom it's quite normal but I'm happy my two DS each got their room because they fight enough without having to share space.

We have 3 (same sex) children in one room.

We are doing the best we can as can't afford to move or extend.

All the DC seen happy!

@Maria1979 Would it not make more sense for you friend to have the children in the bedroom while the parents have the living room?

It’s pretty rude of her to say that if she knows your set up!

Its fun when they are little but think you need to revisit when they get to 11/12 personally feel strongly that older children and teens ideally need “a room of one’s own” and leaving a room empty as a guest room while cramming reluctant siblings into one room sharing seems abit mad to me.

We have two gigantic bedrooms, and one very small box room. And when I say gigantic, my DSs share one of them and have a full sized double bed EACH in there with acres of room to spare. Really each of the big bedrooms could be divided into two doubles, but the way the windows, doors and stairs are configured we have no idea how it could be done (and it's not for us to decide anyway, the landlord would have to do it).

If the kids get to the age they really don't want to share then one can have the box room but that isn't large enough to fit a double, so we'd have to get them a single, they'd have to agree who would be going in there etc. so I don't think it's likely to happen.

I've got 5 children and we are very lucky that they are all able to have their own bedroom. Hasn't always been the case, when my twins were born they shared as babies despite the fact that we had a 3 bedroom home because it just made way more sense. When my son was born, he took the 3rd one while they kept sharing. We then moved into a 5 bedroom home so they all had their own room + a spare room. When DC4 was born she took the 5th bedroom. This was always going to be our forever home so when DC5 was born, she shared with DC4 for quite a while. They are 3 years apart and shared up till they were 7 and 4 and I cannot say I ever looked at them and thought they were somehow lacking 🤔But we did want to get another bedroom sorted as they didn't have the biggest bedroom despite sharing as I didn't feel it fair to kick and reorder all my other kid's rooms so we ended up getting an extension for a 6th room, hence why they all have their own.

In my opinion, you are fine. Looking at that layout, it would be silly to give 1 children the tiny room when they'd have more space sharing with their sister. I think if the rooms were a different size and someone had 2 kids in one while having the other for a spare just because they think they need it, it'd be silly, but this is absolutely fine. Sharing a room is not poverty!!

Honestly I would've taken a small mortgage to either buy a 4 bed or a 3 bed with 3 good sized bedrooms. It would still be small money compared to the rent/mortgage you would've been expecting at this stage in life.
I think sharing is a sign of necessity usually rather than poverty in and of itself, most children wouldn't choose to share full time (I used to do some overnights in my brother's room by choice because he had bunk beds but we had our own rooms)

2 kids and 3 bedrooms, I would not have them sharing, not just so I could have a spare room for occasional use. I would be more concerned that the actual people who always lived with me were comfortable. And teenagers definitely need their own rooms, IMHO.

This 🔝

I have 3 bed, 3 kids and building a new 4 bed.

At the minute mine love to share. Often the girl in the single room will try to have sleepover in her brothers room. They’re all under 10 so I know this is likely to change.

Yes. There’s no need for it ( other than convenience or preference) except I can see when they are unwell it could start to feed into poverty-related issues. But if one has Covid or headlice. stick them in the spare room op!

Usual pattern is the oldest gets to 10/11 ish and wants their own space. Even a tiny room of their own is preferable to sharing. That’s happened in pretty much every family I’ve ever known anyway including my own as a child and my own DDs.

Also agree that it seems odd to prioritise a guest room over those that live there all the time. How many guests do you have?!

So people live differently and it's not wrong. My young kids share so there's a room for their grandparents and aunts and uncles to visit. We don't live near them, and this enhances their family life.

Absolutely. Not my friend though. My son's friend who is 14 as well. Don't know the parents well. Their son spends much time at ours. Really nice and polite kid.