Trick or Treat - AIBU

[Doseofreality]

AIBU in believing that it’s an unwritten rule that you do not Trick or Treat houses that have no Halloween decorations up.

We’ve had numerous bangs (and yes they are bangs) on the door over the past hour, and quite frankly, it’s pissing me off!

Nope, nothing. I live in Ireland though so it's not an imported american thing like it is in England. It's a very longstanding tradition where it's expected that you will have callers on halloween and you will give them something. When I was a child we used to get money or the occasional person who had run out of change would give a few monkey nuts.

half 5 eating supper blind down and banging on the door with shouts open your door and give us sweets point blank ignored. no way am I giving sweets out if they ask like that.

Oh its been a nightmare here too. As you can see my kitchen lights from the front street, I ended up tying up my front gate this year to avoid knocks and so I could cook!

I have nervous rescue and foster cats and dogs and in previous years I've tried leaving a bowl out with a sign on the door saying don't knock due to nervous animals so to just take something from the bowl, and people still knocked. Last year I just tried to have no decorations and no bowl but people still knocked when my kitchen lights were on so I tied my gate this year as a last resort.

And you wouldn't think it strange for people who keenly celebrate Hallowe'en in this way to nevertheless resolutely not give the slightest indication externally on their homes? Not even a pumpkin or a small homemade sign?

I agree that unwritten rules are not really satisfactory; that's why I'd like to see an opt-in system - which could easily be publicised and spread through social media, custom and word of mouth and become widely well understood very quickly.

Very straightforward indeed: many people enjoy this custom of being called on, but many don't - so only call on houses that have some kind of sign up saying "Trick or Treat welcome here", then everybody is happy.

I am like you OP. Don't do Halloween. I was going out at 19:00 tonight anyway but didn't stop some of the little sods turning up earlier and trying it on. I didn't answer the door to any of them.
It is very rude to go ahead and knock when there are no decorations up. My neighbour is elderly and lives alone, and she did not want people banging on her door in the dark (and neither did I).

I've no kids and I don't go all out with decorations but every year the village children knock the door for some sweets - and I always get some in and listen to their jokes and admire their costumes. It's kids having a bit of fun FGS. If you don't want them knocking put up a big sign saying Go Away. Job done. I don't mind them once a year for maybe an hour or so.

I could hear the parents outside with their children tonight and heard many of them telling their little ones to ‘look for the lit pumpkins or Halloween lights’. We had our pumpkin lit and on the window ledge. When I was cleared out of haribo mini bags (over forty of them) I took the pumpkin off the window ledge and popped it on the fire place and no more knocking. It’s the first year we’ve had this here usually they keep on knocking, it’s been a lovely night. And every child that was here was so well behaved and they were all gracious. Honestly such a lovely bunch of children it warmed my cold old lady heart!

Canadian here - trick or treating is a long-standing custom here, perhaps brought over from many Scottish immigrants in the 1800's.

No decorations are needed here, but most will at least put out a pumpkin. If the porch light is on that is usually a signal that the homeowner is accepting callers. If the porch light is off and curtains drawn, carry on...

No, I don't find it in any way strange. Most people don't decorate but most have sweets in to give to kids who call. That is standard where I live. It's a tradition that goes back generations.

Why do you think people should have decorations up in order to participate in a long standing tradition that never required decorations? Halloween decorations are a recent American import.

YANBU

My dad had Alzheimer's, and one Halloween I printed out posters for my mum to put on their door, saying "no trick or treaters" or along those lines. They still had people knock despite this. Really pissed me off. In some ways I wonder if the posters just encouraged it because people just saw the picture of a pumpkin on it and assumed it was fine.

My kids have always understood that no decorations or lit pumpkin = you don't knock.

I haven't heard of this rule. My children are adults.
I dint decorate my house , and can't be arsed carving pumpkins.
I'm happy for kids to knock and always have sweets, only has two though.
Maybe next year I'll have to do something then.

Because it sets a precedent that any door is ok to knock on and it's not, especially when you live in an area that has lots of kids. Mine were always taught that only knock on houses with decorations or who had a light clearly on in the front hall or porch, so that the front door was lit up, indicating it was OK to knock.

@HootyMcBooby I have lovely memories of my last guising year, aged 11. Knowing it was going to be our last, 4 of us decided to join forces and we rehearsed a song we'd learned at school the previous year. We gave it our all, and it went down really well.

They should know better. My children know they are only to knock on doors with pumpkins/decs outside.

You're changing your story now. Suddenly it's OK to knock on doors if the hall light is on rather than only ok to knock if there are decorations up. Obviously, no lights on suggests nobody is home and kids wouldn't knock then.

Agree. Would never ever let my little kids knock on a door that hasn’t made it clear that they are welcome to do so. Even though I am right behind them

Fair enough, then - I don't know about the customs and culture around Hallowe'en in Ireland and wouldn't presume to do so!

I would guess that you probably still do have elderly, disabled and/or vulnerable people who can't/don't want to answer the door after dark - as well as owners of frightened animals and those of faiths that don't celebrate Hallowe'en, though?

Presumably they're just forced to put up with it? I know they could put up signs - but if it's such a mainstay of your culture, would they and their wishes be respected?

I certainly wouldn't want to be advertising on the door that elderly, disabled or potentially vulnerable people live there - you never know who might see it and later take advantage.

That's what I do, but it is a fairly recent thing tbh, it's only been the last few years that so many houses now decorated and know that rule, and every year I see posts from people who are sad that nobody knocked and they had bought sweets, and they said they didn't know they were supposed to leave a sign like a pumpkin or lights.

100% agree.

Only made me question (for a second) earlier when a lady posted on the housing estates social media page that she had no decorations outside but had treats for kids if they wanted to knock and gave her house number. Obvs only a handful of people would have seen it and she likely wouldn't have had any / many visitors.

We have elderly neighbours. They all love the kids calling. I don't think there is anyone in the neighbourhood who lives on their own who would struggle to answer. There are a few houses with people who are not originally from Ireland. I was speaking to one recently who has recently moved here and she's really excited about the prospect of Halloween.

If you don't want people calling, you just don't turn the lights on. It's not a problem.

I no longer participate. I did when my dcs were young and we only went to nearby houses where we knew everyone.

I live elsewhere now. I made a point of going to a class at my gym though to escape all the knocking.
I don’t answer the door to strangers at night. I have a ring door bell so I can see if it’s anyone I know.

Fortunately round here the rule seems to be respected (I'd be ignoring any knocks if they tried). It helps I think we are on a cul de sac and the main road leading to it had lots of decorated houses so plenty of cannon fodder without having to come all the way into the cul de sac

I was never allowed trick or treating as my mum said it was begging and also goes against the telling children not to speak to strangers so I'm very bah humbug about it 😂

My DH said there was children banging on our door while he reversed into the driveway coming home from work, the whole house was in darkness and they could clearly see him just arriving home! Even worse, there was parents with them. We turned our lights out and stayed at the back of the house but still got a couple knocks which was annoying but no harm done.

I always tell mine we only go to houses that have the decorations up so as not to bother people. I love Halloween but I can only imagine how annoying it must be for people not wanting to be involved for a number of reasons. I also always tell him to say, ‘thank you house’ out loud where they’ve just left a bucket outside (and to only take one!) 😂

I’ve seen some lovely children and families tonight but also such entitlement! One huge crowd swarming at the door, knocking into all the decorations rather than wait their turn and not even saying a word of thanks whilst the parents leave them to it. Or grabbing fistfuls of sweets to load into a carrier bag, right at the start of the night with no thought for others who’d be coming all night.

Another younger chap brought his son, told him to say thank you, the child didn’t so the dad just awkwardly steered him away without saying thanks himself. I think a lot of the problem is parents are unwilling to teach their children basic manners and respect from a young age.

I’m not a big Halloween person so absolutely refuse to decorate the house for it, but we do have sweets in for trick or treaters just in case. We don’t get very many though, I think the kids stay within the bigger estates nearby instead of coming down to my small cul de sac.