Trick or Treat - AIBU

[Doseofreality]

AIBU in believing that it’s an unwritten rule that you do not Trick or Treat houses that have no Halloween decorations up.

We’ve had numerous bangs (and yes they are bangs) on the door over the past hour, and quite frankly, it’s pissing me off!

Yes, this is the main problem. Like so many things, the decent, respectful people follow the accepted rules/customs and err on the side of caution - but the scarier, possibly more aggressive, ones - the sullen teenagers who feel entitled to demand sweets, money or whatever at this time of year - wouldn't care less about whether they're welcomed or not.

As PP said, if you take the concept of 'trick or treat' literally, and don't just use it as a phrase to ask politely for a couple of sweets, if somebody doesn't stump up with anything - including those who clearly indicate that they don't wish to participate - they've 'earned' themselves a trick. It's bad when a good-natured community tradition is enacted as an anti-social protection racket.

We've been to the pub and left DS at home. We don't have any decs up (can't be doing with Halloween) but we do have an outside light on. DS was most annoyed to hear kids knocking on the door twice - obviously ignored them - but really??? No pumpkin = No knocking (or so I thought..) 🙄

I wasn't aware of this rule until recently and im an adult it was not a thing when I was growing up and I only realized when I had no trick or treaters last year it was because I had no decorations up yet had bought loads of sweets for them. I assume its kids out alone maybe? I seen some family's knocking on undecorated houses tonight with no response I also seen some people leave notes out which seemed to work better might be an idea for next year

I misread that as Michael McIntyre and thought... I know a lot of people find him annoying; but is he really that terrifying?!?!

Yeah I've always thought that. We gave out 95 bags in an hour, took down the decorations and turned hall light out and just had the lamp on. Still got knocks at the door so gave out the last 5 bags I'd kept back for my teens then turned the lamps off and sat in the dark watching tv, as the dog goes nuts when the door is knocked.

It really, really wasn't. Tolerance is not accepting kids turning up whenever they want and Hallowe'en is ONLY on 31st October, to say otherwise is not showing tolerance of 'kindness; but entitlement and arrogance.

Around here yes and is very much abided by mist it seems the children all point each other in the right directions HOWEVER I have seen people blocking their pathways tonight with bins , bbqs and motorcycles!.

Many police forces have put out guidance about trick or treating.

I much prefer the newer custom of only knocking at houses that have decorations outside, regardless of whether lights are on or not. Decorations state intention to participate, and without them I just steered my charges past and on to houses that were openly willing to join in. You can only cover so much ground with kids, the window of sensible time to knock is from onset of darkness to 8 pm at the latest. (By then people are either fed up with answering the door, out of treats or trying to get young kids to bed. Or all three.) So no point in wasting time going to households that don't want to play when you can clearly see households that do.

It makes sense to clarify the position: no decorations, such as a pumpkin, no providing treats. It's daft to give sweets to ToT if you don't have decorations out, you're rewarding people for knocking at doors randomly which a lot of people don't want! If I didn't want ToT to come round I'd ring each of the schools nearest me and ask them to mention in assemblies ONLY knock on decorated houses if you're trick or treating at Halloween! It won't stop all but hopefully make a difference...

SweatyBawbag

About a lot more than that - also about the fear put in some elderly and the facts some people do not want doors knocked etc

With such a lot of cheap Hallowe'en tat decorations in all the shops at this time of year, don't those who claim not to understand the 'unwritten rule' genuinely wonder why somebody would be so thrilled to take part in the traditions by welcoming Trick or Treaters yet not go to the tiniest trouble to put a single visible decoration up?

Or is it another version of when door-to-door salespeople simply ignore signs clearly saying that they aren't welcomed - because they believe that their wishes to try to wrench a sale are far more important than those of the householders wanting their privacy and expressed wishes to be respected?

Aiming to minimise Halloween-related disruptions, Avon and Somerset Police spokesperson said: "Halloween can be scary for people who are elderly, vulnerable or live alone. This can mean they are at a higher risk of becoming victims of crime if they feel isolated or alone."
The police encourage everyone celebrating to do so with respect and care for those who may find Halloween unsettling. "If you are celebrating Halloween this year, we hope you have a spooktacular time, but stay safe," the spokesperson added. "Please be mindful and respectful that not everyone in our community will be taking part."

One example - Police have also issued notices to put on your door to point out you are not participating.

Devon and Cornwall Police said: "Some people, particularly the elderly and vulnerable, may get worried or even frightened if strangers are continually calling at their door during the evening."
It said "as a rule of thumb" if people have decorations on display then it was likely they were "open to trick or treaters"
The posters can be downloaded, external from the Devon and Cornwall Police website
Officers added: "Please respect those who don’t want to take part in trick or treating
"Stick to areas and people you know. People who welcome trick or treaters often put a pumpkin outside their house or in their window as a sign."

Cant really understand the mind of anybody who thinks their kids can disturb random people at will in the name of fun.

It must take a special kind of arrogance for those people who assume that householders only use lights in their homes to signify whether or not they want callers - and not, erm, so they can see what they're doing at home after dark.

Interesting how it's a fun community celebration, but one that happens to leave people who don't wish to participate feeling that they have to grope around in the dark in their own homes.

Fun is only fun if everybody involved is enjoying it.

My NDN has decorated her garden and has not shut up about Halloween. I told her the other day not to bring the kids to mine, that I have no money at the moment and I usually celebrate Halloween at a relatives house (a yearly tradition and usually if i buy sweets I buy them to be given out at that house).

Despite being really clear about that i heard her telling her kids to go knock at my door at hakf 3. I literally said to them all I've got nothing to give you and ended up having to mooch about for something out of my cupboards!

SweatyBawbag "Its just waffle from the police. Call it guidance if you will but it has no legal standing. Its not a crime to knock on someones door

Fantastic attitude - I can see how you got your name.

The only people who put up decorations where I live are those with small kids. I assume they are decorating for the benefit of their own dc. None of the older people in my neighbourhood decorate but they do have sweets in to hand out and most love seeing the kids coming round.

I have no desire to buy "cheap tat" for my house but I am perfectly happy to provide sweets. We had a good few knocking. All were polite and all got sweets.

But if we're ignoring social consideration and respect for neighbours who clearly don't wish to participate - and purely going on whether or not something is technically legal or not... surely, by the same token, saying the words "Trick or treat" to somebody who answers an unsolicited knock at their door is literally issuing a threat of unknown severity - and thus those doing so (especially if over the age of criminal responsibility) may well have committed a crime?

@SweatyBawbag yes it's just guidance but surely anything around etiquette and how to behave in public etc is "guidance".
As these many threads have shown different communities have different rules of etiquette around Halloween so it's good that local police/council etc attempt to advise.
You can't guarantee people will follow that guidance - but at least it's something.

If we're ignoring social consideration and respect for neighbours

it's just anti social behaviour and the type of neighbour nobody wants to live next to......never mind having them knock on their door.

Not even a pumpkin that can be used for food afterwards? Or just a quick homemade sign making it clear that callers are welcomed?

I find it concerning if those wanting to participate can't be bothered to give the slightest indication of that and, instead, expect those who don't want callers to just put up with it or to go out of their way to try to keep people away.

You're assuming people know the unwritten rule that not decorating = no wish to participate. Where I live, the only way you would know clearly that someone didn't want to participate would be if they told you or there was a sign up. I only know about this unwritten rule from MN.

YANBU! I felt awful earlier when my kids trotted down a garden path and knocked on a door, and I realised the white pumpkin decoration in the window was actually a very round vase! I called the kids back, but the lady had already come to the door (and thankfully didn't mind, had a bowl of sweets and a little girl dressed as a witch with her!). I've always explained to my kids that Halloween is basically a game, and one of the rules is that people who want to play have decorations out, people who don't have decorations out don't want to play. We had someone knocking after we'd taken the pumpkins in earlier and didn't answer, I thought that was quite cheeky!