Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour is a convicted paedophile

407 replies

Abitlosttoday · 30/10/2024 21:17

I have just found out that our close (proximity-wise) neighbour has been given a suspended sentence for looking at peadophilia online. His address, in the news report of court proceedings, is not our street but an address in a different town. However, it is him (there's a clear photo) and he has been living on our street with his partner for at least a year. I saw him a few days ago when he pulled his two dogs out of the way so I could pass with my kids. They're 4 and 7. (The kids, not the dogs!) I don't know what to think. It's a small street. I can see into his living room from mine. It's a small town too. His partner is my SIL's sister's boss. I don't know their names though - that's the level of familiarity. Just because my head is battered with half-term and I am exhausted, aibu to ask what your thoughts would be about this situation. All his crimes were online but some of the images were the worst sort.
We only know because another neighbour has a distant work connection to the guy. He may believe he has some anonymity here. I cried when I heard. I'm angry too. My head hurts, but that may also be because of this endless school break!

OP posts:
HazelPlayer · 31/10/2024 08:56

BoundaryGirl3939 · 31/10/2024 00:05

Controversial then, and controversial now...

'Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.'.

Adultery was just as heinous then as child paedophilia is now. Most paedophiles were themselves abused as children. They are sick because it is some kind of illness. There is no point in starting a witch hunt. It won't cure paedophilia.

Keep your distance but I wouldn't advocate ganging up on him and hunting him down. It won't solve anything. Just go about your business as you would normally.

On what planet was adultery ever considered as heinous as raping kids? Not this one.

In fact in the old testament - male adultery was completely accepted. It was only female adultery that was a "crime". And a man would only be accused of and punished for adultery if he had sex with a married woman, not a single one. Married men were free to have sex outside marriage with single women without punishment.
It was only when Jesus preached both men and women should be faithful, that that changed (and only in Christianity, not in Judaism at the time. Islam gets around male adultery by allowing men more than one wife).

Most paedophiles were themselves abused as children.

MYTH.

More females are sexually abused as children & youths than males. The vast vast majority of child sex abusers are male; so explain that to me.

Are you conveniently claiming that female kids who are sexually abused (the majority of abuse victims) don't go on to be sexual abusers, but male kids do?

Male child sex abusers - the vast vast majority of child sex abusers - may CLAIM to have been sexually abused, but you have no proof of that.
When caught, they are facing legal/criminal punishment and social ostracisation etc etc. Of course they're going to claim things that cast them as a victim, that gain sympathy, that appears to ameliorate their crimes ..... Things that very often can't be proven either way.

Child sex abusers often display extremely deceptive, manipulative behaviour, they often groom kids and entire families for years, they often gain positions of trust and authority; but you think they're not capable of throwing in some deception or manipulation or distraction when facing discovery and punishment??

There are many many people, including men, who have been victims of child sex abuse, who would never ever do to a child what was done to them. Why would anyone who was mistreated, abused, whose childhood was twisted and tainted in that way, want to do that to another person? Are they incapable of thought, incapable of empathy? No, normal people who were victims of CSA do not think that way. Only sexual predators do

Most child sex abusers are neither "true" paedophiles (who are solely emotionally avd sexually attracted to children) ..... Nor are they likely to be CSA victims.
They conform to a set of personality traits that means that are sexually predatory, entitled, exploitative, and hugely lacking empathy.

When caught they will wax lyrical about the ill effects on their life of being caught abusing kids, but when asked what they think the ill effects in the lived the kids are, of being abused by them ....they are reported to stare blankly and have very very little to say.

The are entitled sexual predators. They just see an easy source of sex that they don't have to get true consent from. They enjoy exploiting other people, and choose who to exploit for ease and lack of comeback. Their behaviour is rarely limited to child sex abuse, you'll find they are exploitative and lacking empathy and integrity across the board.

Stop peddling MYTHS.

HazelPlayer · 31/10/2024 09:04

Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.'.

Not all sin is on the same level.

You couldn't seriously think it is, could you?

Are we supposed to go easy on child sex abusers (who have for example, caused young women to kill themselves after years of sexually abusing them. I know of cases like that.) because we e.g. shop lifted a mascara from Boots with our mates as a teenager?

If there is no hierarchy if sin/crime - why were some things punishable by death in ancient Israel and others not?

You are also preaching Christian doctrine (selected Christian doctrine) in a county that is only partly Christian; many many people are agnostic or atheist etc. No-one has to consider it valid. Do you get that?
They can go by the laws of our country; where child sex abuse, is most definitely (and rightly) ranked as a more serious crime than the vast majority of crimes.

ChishiyaBat · 31/10/2024 09:15

BlackOrangeFrog · 31/10/2024 08:41

You're better off worrying about your brother, your husband, the youth worker, the friendly chap who is always willing to help out, ,who offered to come and do some heavy lifting when you guys were moving furniture around, who brought your kids some toys round because theit kids had out grown them, who waves and offers you all a lift when it's raining etc...

Majority of paedophiles that pose a danger to your child are the trusted adults in your lives, not the known paedophiles who live 6 doors away.

Edited

I'll worry about all paedophiles thanks. Like I have already said earlier in the thread, I have personal experience with this, I am still picking up the pieces with my daughter and grandaughter 2years later.
All Nonces(known or not) are dangerous to children and people who live around him should know what he is!

BlackOrangeFrog · 31/10/2024 09:17

ChishiyaBat · 31/10/2024 09:15

I'll worry about all paedophiles thanks. Like I have already said earlier in the thread, I have personal experience with this, I am still picking up the pieces with my daughter and grandaughter 2years later.
All Nonces(known or not) are dangerous to children and people who live around him should know what he is!

Edited

Yes, but he poses less of a risk than the trusted adults.

HazelPlayer · 31/10/2024 09:21

BlackOrangeFrog · 31/10/2024 09:17

Yes, but he poses less of a risk than the trusted adults.

Still a risk though.

ChishiyaBat · 31/10/2024 09:24

BlackOrangeFrog · 31/10/2024 09:17

Yes, but he poses less of a risk than the trusted adults.

Bollocks, risk is everywhere all the time, a known risk is still a risk.

HonestPayforHonestWork · 31/10/2024 09:28

It’s disturbing that so many posters are on the side of defending a paedophile. ‘It might be his innocent twin’. What 😂 Or is it just classic AIBU posters who just love to stick the boot in to the OP and be contrary, even when it’s about a convicted paedo?

converseandjeans · 31/10/2024 09:30

@BlackOrangeFrog

Majority of paedophiles that pose a danger to your child are the trusted adults in your lives, not the known paedophiles who live 6 doors away

But surely it's unsettling to know he is so near & seems to live next door to a 6 year old.

I can't believe the responses on this thread. OP being accused of gossiping, making a fuss, mistaking his identity. It's very bizarre & surely people would not want to live a few doors down from a convicted paedophile? Regardless of whether anyone else is a risk 🤷🏻‍♀️

grungey · 31/10/2024 09:30

@Abitlosttoday it must be a massive shock to find this out. If it makes you feel any better, if he is on a Suspended sentence he is very likely managed jointly by police and probation, with requirements to check his devices. He will be on the sex offenders register too, and will be monitored for several years. Court won't have just sentenced him and told him to be on his merry way with no monitoring throughout his SSO.

You can't change what he thinks, but try not to let it consume you. Sadly there literally is a man like him in every street in the country. Most people have absolutely no idea of the scale of the problem, and would be shocked if they did. But stranger contact offences are still very rare, and you are safeguarding your children so they are not at risk in the most fundamental sense.

HazelPlayer · 31/10/2024 09:42

Majority of paedophiles that pose a danger to your child are the trusted adults in your lives, not the known paedophiles who live 6 doors away

Here's a thought that apparently hasn't occurred to you.

The "trusted adults" in a family or friendship group who are abusing kids/young people because they are sexual predators. .. are also perfectly capable of abusing opportunistically elsewhere.
For example, a man accused of abusing the daughter of a family friend near us, has also just been taken to court for "up skirting" girls at local secondary schools .

Many abusers do not draw near little lines around their activities.

HazelPlayer · 31/10/2024 09:58

*neat little lines

Secradonugh · 31/10/2024 10:20

Abitlosttoday · 31/10/2024 06:18

No, I just share the article link with my neighbour (and friend). I would be mortified if she didn't do the same if the positions were reversed. "Oh, you let my small kid chat with that paedophile's partner with not a care in the world, while he lurked about indoors or right there beside us, petting the fucking dogs. Thanks for that. Can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Jesus. No pitchforks. Just general awareness to protect the many children on our street.

I would suggest looking up the details of the court case if you can (or hopefully the article contains details) like how long the supervision order is for, what was actually downloaded etc..
For example if someone had downloaded 10 photos, of Grade C (https://hmicfrs.justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/glossary/child-sexual-abuse-image-grading/) then that is completely different from 1000 photos of Grade A. If he created any photos then that's more of a concern.
Personally I would suggest that you tell your kids to tell you if ANYONE takes photos of them.
Kids are usually good with senses so just ask tehm very occassionally what they think about all the neighbours.

Child sexual abuse image grading - His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

Child abuse images are graded by trained officers who assign them a category based on their content: category A – images involving penetrative sexual activity, sexual activity with an animal or sadism; category B – images involving non-penetrative sexu...

https://hmicfrs.justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/glossary/child-sexual-abuse-image-grading/)

Abitlosttoday · 31/10/2024 10:30

ImNoSuperman · 31/10/2024 07:13

If the address from the article is different it's more likely years old. Without a custodial sentence he was probably on the SOR for two years and won't be on it now.

He would also most likely have had conditions not to be in the same house as someone under 16 without prior consent from whoever was monitoring him while on the register. Living on a street where children live is not a condition.

@Abitlosttoday how old is the article?

Article dated October 2024. Man seen on my street last Thursday.

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 31/10/2024 11:03

Mrsmch123 · 30/10/2024 23:34

No need to cause injury. Just a gathering of people....police come....he gets moved.....the end

Moved where exactly? The police don’t have any power to make someone move house.

Lwrenn · 31/10/2024 11:40

BalletCat · 30/10/2024 23:08

Parents should be doing those things anyway. It baffles me how many people let their young children be naked in public and put pictures of them on social media.

Sorry I didn't see your reply.

I agree 100% with you but so many parents really don't realise the risk of predators because they've got this mindset that nice uncle Jim couldn't possibly have a folder of child abuse images on his laptop or nice neighbour Chris couldn't have molested his nephew when he stayed over in the summer holidays. I think because we tend to not imagine people we know as paedophiles and also because peados are groomers, they make everyone believe they're just really good people. I have a child who hates the feel of clothes on him and often will strip off naked and run in the garden and I do stop him, I keep everywhere locked etc and he understands the pants rule as much as his limited comprehension allows, but his Sensory desire and poor impulse control means he'll run outside bollocks out any opportunity (even at school he'll try stripping) and know only 2 sets of neighbours who seem very safe people can see but it doesn't stop the fear that one is a very cunning peadophile and may have seen my lads wee bare arse running from me. I used to put him in a leotard when he'd strip when he was small but he rips them now.
But to have a typical child running bare arsed in public or on beaches etc does worry me.

Mrsmch123 · 31/10/2024 11:41

kierenthecommunity · 31/10/2024 11:03

Moved where exactly? The police don’t have any power to make someone move house.

clearly you don't live in a scheme. Anytime I've seen a pedo get found out this is exactly what happens. The police "move them for their safety"

hotpotlover · 31/10/2024 12:17

WinterMorn · 30/10/2024 23:45

It happens all the time if the other parent is deemed to be sufficiently protective.

Usually there is a safety plan in place. For instance: mother has to sleep with her kids in one room at night, dad can't be unsupervised with his kids and the mother has to have an understanding of risks.

The number of men arrested for this crime is extremely high each month.

They all pose different levels of risk from very low to very high.

Each situation is different and unique and will be assessed by social services.

BalletCat · 31/10/2024 12:52

Abitlosttoday · 31/10/2024 05:53

His partner is very chatty with a six year old who lives next door. The child is interested in their dogs. You think I should just keep my own kids safe?

But his partner and dogs aren't paedophiles?

whathaveiforgotten · 31/10/2024 13:19

@Getitwright

Concentrate on parenting your own children rather than chasing a load of gossip and heresay.

His conviction has been shared publicly in the press, with a photo of him and his full name.

How on earth is that 'gossip and hearsay'?

whathaveiforgotten · 31/10/2024 13:20

@BalletCat

But his partner and dogs aren't paedophiles?

No but the fact he has a nice partner and dogs that his neighbours little girl are interested in both make it more likely that she will chat to him and that he will be considered a nice, friendly person by her parents.

Americano75 · 31/10/2024 13:23

Only on mumsnet would you find people who are so casual about living so close to a child sex offender. Fucking hell.

But sadly, there isn't much you can do. But knowledge is power so you can keep your children well away from him.

Suusue · 31/10/2024 13:36

There is nothing you can do. Forearmed is forewarned however. Never let your children anywhere near him. Otherwise put it away from your mind.

Another2Cats · 31/10/2024 13:47

Doggymummar · 30/10/2024 22:03

It is a valid restriction put on convicted criminals can't live near a school. Can't go to shopping malls, parks places where children will be. As OP has children presumably she lives somewhere near a school. Or church, village hall places where children congregate.

No it really isn't. Are you suggesting that offenders should be banned from going shopping? Are they not allowed to go to Aldi or M&S?

Likewise with parks; are offenders not allowed to take part in lawful activities like walking in a park?

Getitwright · 31/10/2024 13:47

The OP states…….

“We only know because another neighbour has a distant work connection to the guy.”

”His partner is my SIL's sister's boss.”

This has prompted a search for addresses, possibly names, photos. This is how vigilantism starts. Little trickles of information, not fully substantiated, shared amongst other groups, tiny further snippets of information might get added, it grows a tail here, a set of horns there. As others have said, if there are worries, there are proper channels to go through. It only takes one macho fool, one over enthusiastic social media user to cause a great deal of harm, when checking things out via the proper channels would be far better. Folks have a right to be wary, particularly if children might be involved. But strong facts will protect everyone better.

Cantstopthenoise · 31/10/2024 13:55

I would say be careful and tell the children to stay away if it is true your neighbour is a paedophile. Years ago, I was made aware of a paedophile living locally and did all I could to keep my distance from him to protect my children. In the end, he moved away once it got out that he was a paedophile but I am still wary of any strangers who may try and build a relationship with me or my family.

Swipe left for the next trending thread