I feel so bloody guilty (dog death relates )

[bendigedigg]

Full disclosure my 1st language is Welsh and my written English is not brilliant so apologies if it doesn't flow.

On sunday my mum went on holiday, she told me she had had a few scares with her dog but he was ok and would be happy with me. He is 17, we all live on the same farm and sometimes we stay in the same house but she likes her own space and so do we as farming is hard bloody work

I got to her house a little late than expected the traffic was v busy and I was honestly so incredibly sad by the stare of her dog.

She had left the back door open (accident. We need to discuss that when she's home), and the house was silent when I walked in. I had 2 of my dogs with me who he loves. One is a litter mate. Of her dog.

I found him sat outside; under the bench she had and he was very confused but worse than that he was absolutely emaciated.

I saw him 2 weeks ago and he was a little Ribby (hope that's the word to use? ) he you could see his back ribs but he was ok.

When I got him the house I could see every vertebrae in jos back, every rib was his hip bones.

The first thing I did was call the vet (we all use the same farm vet) and for the first time ever I told him I was coming in with a dog. They usually see the dog when they see the sheep but I didn't want to waste time.

As we drive to the vet I rang my mum and she said 'oh yes he has lost weight but I put him in the barn to catch some mice and he must have caught a cold.. no.

I go to vet and he said they had told her by x ray that he had stomach cancer spread to his lungs and he had limited time. The vet was shocked at the weight loss in a week (2kg) and I had to ask my mum for permission to put him to sleep. She said yes as the vet said he would be likely to die within 24 hours realistically, she had last week been told he had days to live

I spoke to mum and she said she didn't cancel her holiday because she wanted me to make the decision for him and her. I feel so upset and angry at her. How dare she put me in that position.

Aibu ? That she left her 17 years old dog to go on holiday knowing that he would deteriorate and I would have to make this decision.

I’m really sorry OP but I think your mother has behaved appallingly.

oh that's so sad, poor dog.

had she had his best interests at heart she would have had him put to sleep when she knew he was in his final week, its not fair to let a dog suffer like that.

I think its really callous that she's left it up to you.

I completely agree with you! I am so angry! I'd have gone with her if she was honest, but to leave him in that condition and put me in this position is beyond any understanding in my eyes. she has changed in my eyes now.

I'd be furious too. It sounds like the dog actually needed to be put to sleep some little while ago but she prioritised going on holiday and leaving her poor dog in that state! That's cruelty in my opinion and I'd be telling her that - forcefully.

That's an awful thing she did and put you in a horrible situation. I'm not sure I could forgive that and see her in the same light ever again.

Personally I'd find this totally unforgivable. Imagine leaving your best friend to die, afraid and alone. That poor dog. He deserved so much better.

I could understand if she asked you to take him in as she couldn't face being in the room when he was put down but to completely abandon him in his last few hours. And to leave it all up to you, who should never have been put in that situation. It's just so unbelievably selfish and cruel.

I'm sorry op but she's not a nice person.

The photo I've attached is from 2020 as he looks very cute in it but you can see he has been a skinny dog for a little while. I won't show a photo of him this week. I'm so sad for him.

I feel like reporting her to the rspca.

OMG I can't believe anyone would behave like that! If that's what she can do to a loving member if the family how does she treat the animals on the farm,?
If this was a difficult decision for her I'm sure you would have gone to the house yo help her make the decision.
Not telling you, leaving him on his own unyil uou arrived and for you to make the decision is beyond disgusting. I'm really not sure I could talk to anyone who treated an animal like this even if it was my DM.
So sorry you had to deal with this but at least you showed him the compassion and love your bloody mother should have!!

I am so angry, and broken hearted, on your behalf!🤬💔

Seventeen years together, and then to be treated like this at the end is shameful. My vet says 'better a week too early than a day too late' in these cases.

If your mum couldn't face taking him for his PTS appointment or making the decision, she should have discussed it with you, not let you just walk blind into the situation.

Poor old dog 💔

It definitely sounds crazy! What on earth are you thinking?

Thank you so much for making me see it's not me being ott. I will say that it was about an hour between me walking over to her home from ours to go and collect him and him being pts at the vet. As soon as I saw him I knew.

Might seem ott but this is my husband's family farm and he wants her out of her house and off the property when she gets home. People think farmers don't love their animals but we really really do and this has been a real shock.

I'm disgusted she left me to make that call for her dog

Might seem ott but this is my husband's family farm and he wants her out of her house and off the property when she gets home.

I'd look into the legalities and yes, give her some notice. But she has been actively cruel to you and this little dog and I'd be done too.

Ymddygiad gwarthus gan dy fam. Dwi mor flin drosot ti, a thros y ci bach druan. 💐

Report her. What an absolute evil thing to do. She should serve time.

Not over the top.
Listen to your husband and take heed of his advice.

Diolch yn fawr dwi'n teimlo'n ddall

I think your mother has been immeasurably cruel, to you and her dog. Absolutely no reason why she couldn't have made the best decision for the poor dog before she went on holiday. And leaving you to find him, knowing you would be shocked by his rapid deterioration and having to make difficult decisions. Your husband's reaction is understandable and I wouldn't feel like arguing with that she should stay.

Thank you. I think I must do this.

Things might never be the same between us but I think that's fine frankly. I just feel traumatised in a. Way?

I have his litter mate brother and yeah ok he's got lumps and bumps because he's old! We've got 4 dogs, his litter mate who did originally keep the rats down but lives in our house now in his retirement, an old colly who is unbelievably good at her job but deserves to live in the house at 13 and 2 collies who live outside in a heated kennel because they are never clean and like to live outside.

I just don't understand her thinking on this one. I'm so angry

I'm not defending her in any way but the weight loss can be very sudden. Our cat was off colour for a day or two and the vet thought she was just constipated. It turned out she had a tumour and she went into the vet looking a normal weight in the morning and came home that night from the vet and she was just so skinny. She came home on heavy duty painkillers to keep her comfortable and the vet came round the next day to our house to put her to sleep with the family around her and in a favourite spot with my son holding her. We wouldn't have dreamt of letting her fend for herself in pain while we went on holiday. I don't think I could ever think of my mother in the same terms if she did this.

She shouldn't ever to allowed to have another pet after that.

She should have had him PTS last week when she was there.

It absolutely breaks my heart to think that in his final moments on this earth he would have been looking for his favourite person in the world and she'd deliberately deprived him of her love and comfort at the end.

I can understand how angry your husband must be if he's prepared to throw her out of her home over this.

This^ I find it utterly sickening. My friend, a Vet, said that when Animals die they need their closest person with them at the end. Some look for their person to comfort them when they pass. It's the very least that we can do for these dear creatures that give us so much love.
What a despicable human being.

Oh @bendigedigg I have tears in my eyes.
Your mother is unspeakably cruel to abandon an elderly dog like this to catch mice?

He’s probably blind with cataracts and mice aren’t food for goodness sakes as you know.

Stomach cancer and left to fend for himself- it’s barbaric

Poor little man.

I bloody WOULD call RSPCA.

Your mother is completely out of her mind if this is how she cares for animals.

So sorry for him and you
Run free little Man 🙏

This is such an awful thing to read - I mean, who would do that to their constant, trusting companion who has no doubt worshipped the ground your mum has walked on for 17 years? But it's especially hard having to deal with the fact that it was your own mother who did this, especially if you previously had a reasonable relationship with her.

I'd find this so hard to get over. I'd be so angry and ashamed of her. So sorry she put you through that.

That’s true.
Animals really do need that comfort at the end.
Home euthanasia for this old boy long before his. Body began to fail would have been better.

” Better a week too soon than a minute too late”

Is your mother of sound mind?
She sounds incapable of rational thoughts
The poor dog abandoned by her in his hour of need is so despicably cowardly.

Leaving her daughter to care for a faithful old companion who has been left to cling on by a thread to life while probably nauseated and in great pain and has trouble breathing ( cancer) is mind boggling.
Your mother is probably losing it.

Who could be that cruel otherwise?