I feel so bloody guilty (dog death relates )

[bendigedigg]

Full disclosure my 1st language is Welsh and my written English is not brilliant so apologies if it doesn't flow.

On sunday my mum went on holiday, she told me she had had a few scares with her dog but he was ok and would be happy with me. He is 17, we all live on the same farm and sometimes we stay in the same house but she likes her own space and so do we as farming is hard bloody work

I got to her house a little late than expected the traffic was v busy and I was honestly so incredibly sad by the stare of her dog.

She had left the back door open (accident. We need to discuss that when she's home), and the house was silent when I walked in. I had 2 of my dogs with me who he loves. One is a litter mate. Of her dog.

I found him sat outside; under the bench she had and he was very confused but worse than that he was absolutely emaciated.

I saw him 2 weeks ago and he was a little Ribby (hope that's the word to use? ) he you could see his back ribs but he was ok.

When I got him the house I could see every vertebrae in jos back, every rib was his hip bones.

The first thing I did was call the vet (we all use the same farm vet) and for the first time ever I told him I was coming in with a dog. They usually see the dog when they see the sheep but I didn't want to waste time.

As we drive to the vet I rang my mum and she said 'oh yes he has lost weight but I put him in the barn to catch some mice and he must have caught a cold.. no.

I go to vet and he said they had told her by x ray that he had stomach cancer spread to his lungs and he had limited time. The vet was shocked at the weight loss in a week (2kg) and I had to ask my mum for permission to put him to sleep. She said yes as the vet said he would be likely to die within 24 hours realistically, she had last week been told he had days to live

I spoke to mum and she said she didn't cancel her holiday because she wanted me to make the decision for him and her. I feel so upset and angry at her. How dare she put me in that position.

Aibu ? That she left her 17 years old dog to go on holiday knowing that he would deteriorate and I would have to make this decision.

Jesus are you an actual psychopath?

I would really, really struggle to overcome this. Not sure I ever could. By “putting him in the barn to catch mice” does that mean she’s not been feeding him? Neglect. She needs to be reported and banned from keeping animals again.

he doesn’t look cute in that photo, btw. He looks cowered and thin.

I'm really sorry your Mum behaved so badly. She must have watched her ddog deteriorate and instead of making the kindest but hardest decision herself, she went on holiday without a care for her dogs welfare
How callous and not the actions of a loving dog owner.
I would completely lose respect for her
Don't feel bad or guilty, the vet was shocked at dogs condition and as the saying goes," better a week too soon, than a day too late"
I have a 9 year old dog and I cannot understand her thinking

If this behaviour is out of character for your mum I would suggest she needs assessment to see if she is developing dementia. She can’t be blamed for very poor decisions if her logical and empathic mind has gone.
What I don’t understand is why the vet didn’t euthanise earlier, or make an appointment for a return visit fairly soon after seeing the dog.

This response is giving me God Father vibes….

OP, I’m currently nursing a ( young) dog with cancer and I can’t tell you how hard it was to read your post. My dog has a fighting chance but before his diagnosis he was so sick, there is no way I could have gone on holiday and left him like that!

Out of interest, how was your mother growing up? Was she nurturing and loving? What was your general relationship like? Is this out of character?

That is appalling. Absolutely appalling.

the hardest thing I will ever have to do is be with my boy when his time comes but I can’t imagine not being there and I certainly can’t imagine just deserting him like that.

i would certainly evict her and I’d struggle to have a meaningful relationship with her going forward.

I’m with your husband and please ensure she never has another animal!

So if you hadn't had the good sense and compassion to take him to the vet, he would have died outside alone, in pain, scared and confused, as that's the position she left him in.

I could never forgive anyone who could treat another living being like that, never mind one that's been part of the family for 17 years.

Shame on her and thank god you were there for him.

Absolutely.
Evil witch.

Poor poor sweet darling. No more pain little one, run free xx

That is appalling. I’m so sorry she’s done that.

I have known people much younger do this with a dog.
She shouldn’t have any more animals but DEFRA won’t do anything and if you’ve a farm I really wouldn’t involve the rspca

Poor little sausage! Your mother is appalling! No wonder you’re raging.

you helped him, you stopped the pain for him and he will have died knowing you cared.

I'm so glad the little dog had you with them at the end. I had ddog pts "a week too early" very recently. It's so tough.

This is horrendous. The poor thing. I wouldn’t be able to speak to my mother again if she did this. It’s animal cruelty. She fucked off on a holiday and left her dog to die. Unspeakably selfish and she should be banned from keeping animals. I wouldn’t want her near any of my animals as it suggests a severe lack of judgment. I certainly would not want her living on the farm. I would be concerned that the vet/ others would think it a reflection on me.
How old is she? The fact that she has the capacity to organise her holiday and go on holiday, also manage to take the dog to the vet and recount to you about what they said, and also actively decide that she didn’t want to take that final trip or do what is best for the dog, suggests that she is capable of remembering things and making decisions. I imagine she left the door open because the poor dog was so ill he became incontinent and she didn’t want to clean up any mess.

I would feel exactly the same as you and your husband. It does not sound OTT.

This is so incredibly sad. So sorry for you OP, you have done the best thing for the dog, I hope he had lots of cuddles and love at the end.

Omg thank god you went over and saw him. That poor poor dog in his last few days to just be left alone and left to die is absolutely appalling, don't think I'd ever speak to anyone if they did this to an animal. So so sad that anyone thinks that it's ok.

God that’s awful. I’m so sorry op. What a horrible situation to have to deal with, that poor dog. It would be one thing if she was burying her head in the sand about it (although still terrible, we have an obligation to our pets to do what’s right by them, no matter how hard) but to be completely aware of the awful state her poor dog was in and to just fuck off and leave him to it turns my stomach. I would want her gone too, I couldn’t bear to be around her.

Terrible that she put you in this situation and so sad for the poor dog that his final days were without his mum when he must have been feeling so vulnerable and poorly. You did the right thing for him.

I think you need to have your mother assessed if this is very out of character for her. Being cruel to an old woman who may be losing her marbles is equally as awful if not more.

Mae’n ddrwg gen i dros dy golled a’r sefyllfa mae dy fam wedi dy roi di ynddi. Does dim esgus o’i hochr hi. Rwy’n falch y gallet ti fod yno gydag e yn ei eiliadau olaf.

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable, and I’m so sorry about the dog- he deserved so much better. 💔💔💔

Your written English is fine, by the way! 🙂

As a child I had to watch two family cats (my grandmother’s cat and then the cat I’d grown up all my life with) endure prolonged suffering because two adult members of my family refused to let the vet put them to sleep. This broke my heart and traumatised me, and I never forgave those two family members.

Like you, what they did forever changed the way I saw them. And you would not be unreasonable if you never forgave your mother.

I cannot understand how people who claim to be animal lovers can put terminally ill pets through unnecessary extra days or weeks of pain and distress. 💔💔💔

What a horrible situation for you to be in. I am so sorry, OP, your mother did something really cruel.

Oh and another thing, I would never go on holiday and leave a sick pet!! It wouldn’t matter to me if it was a once in a lifetime opportunity or if I lost lots of money cancelling the holiday- I wouldn’t be able to enjoy a single second of a holiday knowing my pet was suffering and missing me.

Oh my god
What sort of person does that
That is low ,very very low .
That poor poor dog
Has she not been feeding him ,why wasn't he in the warm ,being cuddled and hand fed chicken for his last days. Like my dog was .
Nasty nasty attitude to animals,she can not of loved him to do that to him .
I could not get past that ,I'd probably end any relationship with her ,
I can't understand that ,I just don't understand a human doing that

This is such a sad and upsetting story. I would be fuming too, and also feeling concerned about your mum's mental state. This is really not normal.

I wouldn't be trying any stunts with the body, that's both weird and kind of sinking to her level. But I think it's perfectly acceptable to let her know just how disgusted you are, and that you don't want her around your animals and will do what you can to ensure she never has another one of her own, as well as raisingthe question of whether she's mentally OK. If your anger gets through to her she might be more likely to agree to look into that, as it would in some sense (not entirely but you know what I mean) get her off the hook. I don't think it would be unreasonable to say she either gets checked out or she has to leave.