To even think of having another baby

[Soitis83]

I have three children all under 5. My youngest is only 4 months old. Some days are really quite stressful, mostly though I love it. I'm mid 30's now and my last pregnancy really took its toll on me. But something inside me really wants just one more, I don't feel complete yet. But with things getting more expensive, we would have to move to accommodate another child, these sleepless nights are so hard, it's ridiculous to even consider another one.
When did you feel done? And if you didn't feel done but stopped anyway, did you get over it? I'm finding myself crying at all my baby's firsts because they're my lasts instead of enjoying them.

I think a puppy would be a great idea when my boys are older. I think that would actually really help

What are your current age gaps? Maybe you can have one more but give it a bit more time. Then you still have loads to look forward to! Dh on board? If you’re fine financially then 4 may even be better than 3 as no singular middle child.

I’m thinking kitten when I’m done. Also means I can use the other names I liked ;)
I always wanted 3 or 4 kids (currently on 2) but one of ours has a lot of additional needs so not sure how well we DH would cope with more.

"I don't feel complete yet" it's not just about you (and your hormones) any more, it's about the 3 other children that need your time and resources. Another child will effectively be taking from them. They have 2 siblings already.

I'm a very capable mum. Also, my mum had 4, me being the youngest. Never did I feel like she took time away from me for the others, neither did any of my siblings.

One is a two year age gap and the others a bit less. But roughly 2 years between each child.
That would be something to consider in the future I guess.

That's the other thing, I had all these names I loved but never got to use. I guess my dog will have the girl names I didn't get to use if I got a female dog 😂

The that you don't feel complete is worth exploring, OP.

Why is that?

Maybe it is hormones and sleepless nights. That's completely normal to have a reaction to that. But it is temporary.

Logically, I'm sure you know you are a complete person whether you have one, none or 9 children. So worth exploring why you feel this now.

Hmm. I wouldn't personally but I find 3 a lot. I think it would be a bit premature given you only have less than 5 years' parenting under your belt - you have no idea what it's like to have a primary school child/tween - of course that argument fails at some point unless you wait 18 years between kids, but preschoolers are a walk in the park logistically tbh.

I'm a very capable mum. Also, my mum had 4, me being the youngest. Never did I feel like she took time away from me for the others, neither did any of my siblings.

I've no doubt you are, as I say it's not about you, you're coming at this entirely from your own point of view. Your mum was raising children 30 years ago, it's a different world, schools are different, parenting is different, costs are different. You're not even at the school age yet to understand the demands of that, never mind the teen years.

It's basic maths (time + money)/ 4 is a much smaller number than (time + money)/ 3.

Did she work?

Being a “very capable” mum to very young children is very different to being the same to older children whose differing and simultaneous needs will put entirely different demands on you.

we had four in six years. Absolutely no regrets. Three felt “uneven”. Four teenagers was fine, they were good fun although we had ups and downs of course. I say go for it!

What a balanced set of possibilities.

Very good points.

Not until we were older children

That's the thing, you never regret the children you have only the ones you don't have. I don't want to get old and regret not going for one more.

There's absolutely no in-between 😂

That's the thing, you never regret the children you have only the ones you don't have. I don't want to get old and regret not going for one more.

But yet again you're centring this entirely around you, what do you think is genuinely best for your children? I find it mind bobbling just how narrow minded you're being, when I was weighing up a 3rd my 2 children were front and centre of my thought process, you're coming across extremely me, me, me.

boggling my mind is bobbling a little too.

Just to say I'm not saying you can't rationalise that it would be good for the kids, I know some people think it is, you just don't seem to be considering them in this at all.

I’m 1 of 5, my dad is 1 of 6, and personally I always thought that the most valuable thing my parents provided was a large and varied support network.

That far outweighed any financial benefit there might have been with fewer siblings.

As someone whose children are a little older can I just mention that you're on the relatively easy bit? My youngest is 2 and there are definitely days when I think how nice it would have been to have had two children (or even one!). By all means go for four but I'd definitely recommend waiting until your youngest is at least 18months to make a decision so you know who you've got so far.

I found things got easier as time went on, I loved the primary school and secondary school years.

I’m 1 of 5, my dad is 1 of 6, and personally I always thought that the most valuable thing my parents provided was a large and varied support network.That far outweighed any financial benefit there might have been with fewer siblings.

That's your opinion and that's fine, I don't agree of course but at least it's child centred, it's better than "I just don't feel done".